[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[Jawloms]

Avoid the M4 motorway westbound: A lorry has overturned carrying lots of snooker equipment.

 

There are cues for miles!

 

I'd heard the driver was under arrest.

[hardtailstar]

Came up with an IT joke but I cant remember the command line now....

[StevieM]

Came up with an IT joke but I cant remember the command line now....

10 Print "Ha"

20 Goto 10

[DJ-1701]

Came up with an IT joke but I cant remember the command line now....

 

10 Print "Ha"

20 Goto 10

 

RUN

...

[southhamster]

RUN

...

Unless it's Kyocera!

[6Foot2]

The success or failure of a pizza joke is all in the delivery.

 

[Ditto]

Full disclosure: I'm pinching this from local social media, but I liked it and it is topical!

 

I’m going to wait for the Jamaican vaccine made by Rasta Zeneca.

[6Foot2]

Having looked through the TV schedule for this evening and found nothing that interested us, 5Foot2 started looking through our recordings. This gave me the opportunity to say:

 

...got any Veras? Lovely Ya Ha Ha Ha

 

 

#TrueStory

 

Edited March 18, 2021 by 6Foot2
Add image for clarification.

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

I suppose I had better get started on this thingy the government wants us to do

 

I do miss John Denver

 

He Could Fill Out my Census

[FN-GM]

Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......

 

"Ah still love Vista Baby....."

[smurfomatic]

Had a request from our head of Science yesterday morning. "Can we change the Science classrooms to be called Black, Yellow and Chocolate?"

 

Asked him which was which, and why those particular colours.

 

Answer was "Then we'll have a black lab, yellow lab and chocolate lab!"

[6Foot2]

Had a request from our head of Science yesterday morning. "Can we change the Science classrooms to be called Black, Yellow and Chocolate?"

 

Asked him which was which, and why those particular colours.

 

Answer was "Then we'll have a black lab, yellow lab and chocolate lab!"

 

Can't get to the Green, Blue, or Pink?

 

Snookered!

 

[Jawloms]

Bill Gates meets Arnold Schwarzenneger at a party and asks him if he's upgraded to Windows 10 yet? Big Arnie replies.......

 

"Ah still love Vista Baby....."

 

Of course the funniest part of that joke is that someone might love Vista!

[6Foot2]

What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythm?

 

A metro-gnome.

[FN-GM]

For the Only Fools & Horses Fans.

 

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Picture Tweet And Reply]

 

The arrow of time.

 

 

If anyone needs tips on making puns on Twitter, I have a few pointers.

[mikeprice]

I wish to apologise to the country in general for my lack of community spirit

 

 

 

 

just found this

 

 

 

 

 

just off to KFC for lunch

on my bike

[Garacesh]

Counterpoint: I've been cycling to work for over a year now and I'm still a choncc

[mikeprice]

Counterpoint: I've been cycling to work for over a year now and I'm still a choncc

 

You need to get an ebike - then you pay taxes on the electric - and for buying the new bikes

 

OK - not much electric - I reckon I used about 22p a week for commuting

but it still counts

 

and - plus point

you get a new bike!!!!!

 

and you always need a new bike

[Garacesh]

You need to get an ebike

Way ahead of you

[mikeprice]

Way ahead of you

 

Make/model?????

 

details required

[Garacesh]

PM'd before we end up croaking

[mikeprice]

PM'd before we end up croaking

 

wimp

 

BTW did you hear about the frog whose car broke down

 

he had to get toad

[ultima170387]

No more Suez Canal Jokes!

 

That ship has sailed.