[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

Rubbing alcohol is not as effective as drinking it.

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

We went to a wedding on Saturday,it was brilliant to see and speak to other people.

 

The dj told us to stand next to the person who has made us happiest these past twelve months.

 

The barman nearly got killed.

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/DadJokeMan/status/1361358548282847234 [Picture Tweet]

 

I've had an effective day at work.

 

Totally excelled myself.

 

[FN-GM]

 

...

[mikeprice]

Apparently they have found water on Mars

 

 

now all we need is for them to find some alcohol and we can have the first Mars bar

[hardtailstar]

I used to be a fan but now I'm an air conditioner.

[mikeprice]

Thought this would fit here

 

 

 

possibly also applies to some mods

 

jus sayin

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]60938[/ATTACH]

.

 

You need a DFS card - they normally do a 50% off - but only in January - and then another one starts for Spring with has half off - and then another for Mid Summer where you get the front off and the back off for free

 

if we get a frost at 7:14 a.m. on one special Tuesday once every decade it has nothing off at all

[mikeprice]

A few here - all pirated from a cycle chat thread - which is even worse than here!!!

 

 

My mate couldn't afford his water bill so I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What letter of the alphabet do you need to make a pair of shoes?

 

 

 

 

 

The last. (First seen in an Irish newspaper in 1922)

 

 

 

 

Today's Amazon shopping list.

 

Horse £600. Add to cart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

could have saved them up and drip fed them - but I thought I would let the mods get it over with in one go - rolling eyes can be exhausting

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

 

 

 

OK - be fair - this has never happened

[FN-GM]

I saw a bloke driving a van clearly labelled as carrying explosives, luckily i managed to pull him over and knock the hell out of him with my wheel brace before he committed his terrorist outrage. Now i'm being charged with attempted murder, apparently TNT is a parcel delivery company.

[mikeprice]

Police have arrested a woman for stealing a sign reading "& Emergency".

 

She claimed she found it by Accident.

[mikeprice]

Had a bad dream last night

 

I dreamt I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the foot of my bed

 

At first I was afraid, I was petrified!

[caffrey]

I work in Timpsons - doesn that make me a Key Worker ?

[mikeprice]

I work in Timpsons - doesn that make me a Key Worker ?

 

Nah - Cobblers

 

 

 

 

 

their main trade is clearly cobbling

[thimon]

I work in Timpsons - doesn that make me a Key Worker ?

 

I must be tired. This made me laugh way too much!!!

[6Foot2]

Avoid the M4 motorway westbound: A lorry has overturned carrying lots of snooker equipment.

 

There are cues for miles!

[smurfomatic]

There was an accident on the M1 earlier, looked like a lorry full of wooden panels all over the place.

 

Turned out to be a shed load.

[mikeprice]

Apparently there is breaking news on that

 

 

 

further info after the break

[Boredguy]

Apparently there is breaking news on that

 

 

 

further info after the break

 

Think I'll balk at that one @mikeprice.