[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[unixman_again]

I really, really hate those bleach blocks that people put in toilets. Sorry - I just had to get that out of my cistern. (seen on sickipedia)

[HarryMonkey]

I thought I'd have a little flutter yesterday, so I had a bet on three horses called 'Sunshine', 'Moonlight', and 'Good Times'. None of them won though...

 

I blame it on the bookie!

[Disease]

I came second in an Astronomy competition on Facebook the other day.

 

I won an A2 laminated star chart.

 

It was as constellation prize......

[6Foot2]

Link:

[sanjeev Kohli Text Tweet]

 

[6Foot2]

..

[mikeprice]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]58632[/ATTACH]

..

 

I don't want to be pedantic - but that is a shoe - not a foot - the foot is inside the shoe

 

 

jus' sayin'

[6Foot2]

Local dive shop has been closed for a few weeks now.

 

I think they might have gone under.

[mikeprice]

Local dive shop has been closed for a few weeks now.

 

I think they might have gone under.

 

Heard about that - apparently they hit rock bottom

[Disease]

Breaking News!

 

Battersea Dogs Home has gone into Administration, a source says they have called in the retreivers.

[mikeprice]

Breaking News!

 

Battersea Dogs Home has gone into Administration, a source says they have called in the retreivers.

 

Apparently the real estate costs have caused the problem - they are trying to renegotiate their leash

[HarryMonkey]

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set, so I threw a bedsheet over it...

 

I think I managed to cover my tracks!

[HarryMonkey]

I just got struck by lightning while sitting on the toilet...

 

It was a real shock to the cistern!

[computer_expert]

I just got struck by lightning while sitting on the toilet...

 

It was a real shock to the cistern!

 

Are you going to use Flash to clean up the mess you left?

 

[gerardsweeney]

Are you going to use Flash to clean up the mess you left?

 

 

HTML5, Shirley?

[psydii]

AJAX would be better... and don't call me Shirely.

[smurfomatic]

Went to a car show today. Can't resist an auto jumble, always buy something - it's like an addiction. Still, it's my only vice...

 

[mikeprice]

Went to a car show today. Can't resist an auto jumble, always buy something - it's like an addiction. Still, it's my only vice...

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]59019[/ATTACH]

 

Gripping post mate

 

totally crushed it!!!

[smurfomatic]

Gripping post mate

 

totally crushed it!!!

 

At least the mods won't clamp down on this sort of thing, in this thread...

[mikeprice]

At least the mods won't clamp down on this sort of thing, in this thread...

 

They might or might not

 

 

Can't decide

 

I seem to have a foot in both clamps

[smurfomatic]

There was an equally bad joke at the car show (from someone else, not from me) at a stall selling magazines

 

Seller: I also have some copies of Chiropracter monthly

Buyer: Really?

Seller: Yes, I have loads of back issues

[mikeprice]

There was an equally bad joke at the car show (from someone else, not from me) at a stall selling magazines

 

Seller: I also have some copies of Chiropracter monthly

Buyer: Really?

Seller: Yes, I have loads of back issues

 

Nah - never trust a Chiropractor - they always talk behind your back

 

do have some cracking jokes though

[6Foot2]

I asked a mechanic for a handbook covering the repair of automatic gearboxes.

 

He only had manuals.

[6Foot2]

I changed the labels on the spice and herb jars in the kitchen.

 

No one's noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin.

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Toby Earle Text Tweet]

 

I tried to buy a Nerf gun in France and ended up with eight more than I wanted

[HarryMonkey]

I bought a coat from Debenhams in the sales. Pre-sale price was £495 but I got it for just £25.

 

It's supposed to be slightly imperfect but I've had a good look all over and the only thing I can find is that one of the sleeves is slightly longer than the other two.

 

Bargain!