MkII Posted January 9, 2020 Posted January 9, 2020 In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut' - that will be a hard one to crack. /off topic Our WiFi SSID is actually macadamia
6Foot2 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Posted January 17, 2020 A friend and I decided that we would have a game of darts, but we had to choose who would throw first. I said, "Nearest the bull goes first." He said "Baa", then I said "Moo" He said "You have first throw."
HarryMonkey Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 My girlfriend said she'd only marry me if I overcame my ambulance obsession... I can't wait to get down on one knee nor knee nor knee nor! 4
hardtailstar Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 I climbed a mountain today but the weather was bad and I mist the view.... 1
unixman_again Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 A friend of mine is having a party to celebrate Chinese New year and Burns night. They are calling it Chinese Burns night. I didn't want to go but he twisted my arm. 3
6Foot2 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 Have you ever tried archery blindfolded? No? You don't know what you're missing! 2
mikeprice Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Have you ever tried archery blindfolded? No? You don't know what you're missing! Nah - I've tried archery - tried it for a season or 2 I know exactly what I was missing the target still worry about what happened to the bow and arrows and other stuff - must have got left behind when I moved house at some point still - deadly weapon with my DNA and fingerprints all over them what could possibly go wrong
unixman_again Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 While we're on the subject of archery, check out Joerg Sprave's Instant Legolas devices.
mikeprice Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 While we're on the subject of archery, check out Joerg Sprave's Instant Legolas devices. As the man said - great home defence weapon for countries where other weapons are not allowed like where???? I'd still miss the target anyway - bystanders would be at more risk than the intruder! reminds me of a (possibly false0 story about the Dambusters squadron during WW2 when they were testing the Tallboy bomb Barnes Wallis (etc) needed to observce how it behaved when it was falling - to ensure the fins were maing it spin properly and not wobble which required filming it with a high speed camera so they made a big archery like target on the ground and loaded the bomb onto the bomber then they needed to decided where to put the camera They decided that the safest place was the exact centre on the target - the one place it was least likely to hit the bomber crew - and especially the bomb aimer - were not amused - but were not listened to so the test went ahead and the bomb went directly into the centre of the target and destroyed the camera totally then they needed
unixman_again Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 I finally caught the low life that has been stealing beetroot from my vegetable patch - caught him red handed.
unixman_again Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Does anyone know the price of sandpaper? Roughly?
unixman_again Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 My neighbour has a Subaru WRX, a BMW i8, a Mercedes Z4, an Audi TT, a Morgan and a Morris Minor. I think he suffers from the car owner virus. 1
HarryMonkey Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 My wife just called me lazy and said I'd better have something planned for Valentine's Day... I said, "Yes, I was thinking of taking the Christmas decorations down!" 1
unixman_again Posted February 13, 2020 Posted February 13, 2020 After Ciara , the next storm due off the Atlantic this weekend is Storm Dennis. It was supposed to be called Storm Daniel , but somebody thought that might be a a girl's name. 1
Popular Post StevieM Posted February 13, 2020 Popular Post Posted February 13, 2020 Daddy Owl is teaching Baby Owl how to play pool. Daddy Owl: Using the cue, you got to try to make the white ball knock another ball into one of the pockets. Baby Owl: What happens if I miss? Daddy Owl: Then it's two hits. Baby Owl: Two hits to who? 6
6Foot2 Posted February 14, 2020 Author Posted February 14, 2020 I was in an interview, and I was asked to describe my life in a nutshell. I said “It’s cramped and dark in here!” 2
6Foot2 Posted February 19, 2020 Author Posted February 19, 2020 What kind of room is it that you can't walk into? ... ... ... A mushroom! #SiteSupportJokes
unixman_again Posted February 24, 2020 Posted February 24, 2020 I've written a sequel to "The Last Of The Mohicans", in which the hero goes to Scotland to reinvent himself. It's called "Hawkeye the New". 2
DJ-1701 Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 I don't usually tell Dad jokes... ................................................................................................................................................................................................ ... but when I do, he usually ends up laughing. 1
HarryMonkey Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Beware of this takeaway!! We ordered a Chinese takeaway last night and as I was driving home I heard the bag rustling and moving! I thought what the hell is that...Has something got in the bag trying to eat my supper?.... I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me... I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought it could be a rat or mouse or something so I carefully pulled the carrier bag down... And there it was... A Peeking Duck. 2
Rydema Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Needed to get some grime of my dog, decided to use Cilit bang, dog went bang now the cat is gone.
mikeprice Posted March 2, 2020 Posted March 2, 2020 Beware of this takeaway!! We ordered a Chinese takeaway last night and as I was driving home I heard the bag rustling and moving! I thought what the hell is that...Has something got in the bag trying to eat my supper?.... I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me... I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought it could be a rat or mouse or something so I carefully pulled the carrier bag down... And there it was... A Peeking Duck. Oh $deity That is bad even for Edugeek
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