The Longest Month of My Life

[StevieM]

Today, it is exactly one month since my little dog, Jess, died in a tragic accident, and it has been the longest (and loneliest) month of my life.

 

I know not everyone will understand, but she was more to me than just a dog; closer even than a best friend. We were like, and I know it’s clichéd, but we were like soulmates. We fitted together so well and each made the other’s life more complete. We were together for over 16½ years (longer than many marriages) and now it feels like a piece of me is missing. She was the only one who has ever really been ‘inside my bubble’ - even though she was in a bubble of her own.

 

I have to say that I’m coping better than I thought I would. I’ve been preparing myself for a few years as she got older. There were a few occasions when I didn’t think she was going to recover from one of her seizures, but she always bounced back. The vets were astonished at how healthy she was at 17! I just wasn’t prepared for losing her so suddenly the way that I did.

 

Looking back over old photos and videos has really helped me to get by. I can’t help but smile and laugh when I think about some of things she did. She was a proper little character who was at her happiest when she was in a pub.

 

Often, she would refuse to walk past them…

 

 

…or leave again.

 

 

I’m so glad that we made the most of the start of the summer holidays, including the EduBytes meet-up in Salisbury so at least a few of you got to meet her. After that, we went to stay with friends in Brighton and Caerphilly, and spent two days behind the bar at the Worcester Beer Festival. Well, I was behind the bar; Jess was under the table (and not for the first time!).

 

 

The last photo I took of her was with my friends’ two children. Even though she was getting old and tired, it’s clear to see just how happy she was.

 

 

She made the most of life right up until the end. Now I’ve got to get used to her not being around. It’s been a long and lonely first month and I’ve still got the rest of forever without her.

[mikeprice]

I know it is difficult - I lost my dog about 20 years ago and I still miss her

 

it will get better - but obviously you will never forget her

 

sending sympathy

[elsiegee40]

@StevieM Jess made a huge impression on the assembled EduBytes crew in Salisbury. She was the perfect addition to the picnic in @AJWhite1970’s back garden.

@witch would have adopted Jess if she could, I am sure.

 

Having lost our tortoise last year after 47 years with us, I can come close to understanding the empty space in your life. It’s every bit as big as a human absence.

 

A massive from me. I am truly sorry that she won’t be able ti bring you to EduBytes again ... so you’ll just have to find your way on your own

[DrBeaker]

We lost our family dog of about 14x years two years ago.

 

I got the news whilst I was at work and we made the decision as a family, to have her put down as she couldn't even stand-up anymore. I went to an empty classroom and we talked about it on the phone as everyone including myself was understandably upset about it.

Was really sad and did affect me for a while at work to be honest. She'd been a big part of the family through some tough times and good times with the birth of some nephews etc and was a big loss and hurt like a b**** when she'd gone. Some supportive people at work helped me out and were nice about it.

 

To some people pets are as important in their life as people so no it's not surprising it's hit you hard. Just think about all the fun times and good times you shared together over the years. Time is precious, it's the one thing we can't ever get more of.

[3s-gtech]

You never forget, or entirely get over it. But then, why should you? When a pet is so much of your life, missing them just shows what an impact they have.

 

I'll still dream that out two dogs are alive, and wake up slightly confused - they died 17 and 10 years ago - how do I still miss them like that? Simple - because they were a huge part of my life. Forgetting them makes no sense.

 

The best way I can think of it is that you have to be totally committed to them, and then ready to say goodbye when they go. A pet (especially a dog) is an innocent, trusting and faithful companion. You have to give them the best life you possibly can - they are entirely dependant on you for that. Then, too soon, they're gone. You must be able to look back without any regret and with happy memories.

 

Then, get a new pet. Not a replacement, but a new companion that needs that same amount of love and care. This is where rescue rather than commercial matters IMO - change a dog's life rather than fuel a puppy farm.

 

It does get easier with time, but that doesn't mean you ever forget or stop missing them.

[Jobos]

We lost our dog 15 years ago and I still miss him. At the time we never had children so we treated him like a child. We went everywhere together and he walked the Pennine Way with me. He was diagnosed with a heart condition around 8 and died at 13. Now we have 2 kids and we named our son after the dog. His spirit lives on.

 

It does get easier but you will always miss him.

[stujham]

So sad, had the same with my cats over the years and on number 3 now.

 

I always look back with fond memories and smile, looks like she had a great life.

[tg12]

My condolences and a huge amount of sympathy. I lost my Jess two and a half weeks ago now and I know exactly what you’re going through. She was definitely more than just a dog to me, she was family. We kind of grew up together over the last 12 and a half years and things just won’t be the same without her.

 

Still, lovely to see the fond memories you have of your Jess! She seemed well loved indeed!

[witch]

@StevieM I am so sorry. She was a gorgeous girl and yes, I would have happily taken her home. I still miss my last dog, Smudge, and the one before that, Smartie, and even Tina, the dog I was brought up with. But that is as it should be - they are a big enough part of your life that when they are gone there is a hole left behind.

I'm sorry she left you in an accident and not of extreme old age - that must have been such a shock.

Thinking of you

xxx

[sippo]

We are also going through a difficult time with our Cockapoo, Treacle. She's 5 years okd. About three weeks ago now, we woke up one morning and she couldn't walk. She lost all feeling in her back legs. After a Scan, it turned out she had slipped her spinal disc putting pressure on her spinal cord.

 

That weekend was an eventful weekend, with plenty of decisions to be made. We only had £3k insurance, with £1k already spent on the scan alone. The vet recommended putting Treacle to sleep, but we had to give her a chance.

 

It has been very hard work. She is a disabled dog and can't walk and is finding it difficult to control her bladder. She is slowly getting back, and feeling is coming back into her legs. It's messing her mentally though! She's all confused.

 

We had a year to the day it happened, 1 september. Our new insurance started on the 1st, but the insurance company are getting funny about paying out.

 

We started a crowd funding page to help us. Reluctantly I may add, but we wanted to give Treacle a chance. She has had 18 pups in the past (previous owner). Check our story at http://www.gofundme.com/treacles-aftercare

[sonofsanta]

Oh mate, I'm so sorry. I know how much she meant to you. Go easy on yourself, and give yourself permission to grieve. It is difficult, and there's no shame in it being difficult; it means she was loved.

[korifugi]

Wow. Massive your way.

 

Dogs (well lets face it - pets) become such a large part of our lives, being a member of the family and sharing in the love.

 

My condolences.

[VeryPC_Colin_M]

Dear @StevieM I'm thinking of you my friend, and will raise a glass to you and Jess tonight sir. May she rest in peace for the companionship she gave you, she's gorgeous, and we still have a picture pride of place of her on our Warranty room door which i'll ensure is never removed whilst I'm at VeryPC.

[StevieM]

Thanks, everyone, for your kind thoughts and words. I know things will get easier with time but, for some reason, I've been getting myself more upset during this last week rather than less.

 

As I don't have any children or a partner (I've no interest in the latter, making the former somewhat difficult), Jess was a kind of surrogate for all those things and gave me an outlet to my nurturing instinct. I will most likely get another dog - I'm thinking around Easter - but I'll never have another Jess. We fitted each other so perfectly from day one; nothing will ever match that. I am remembering the good times, but they ultimately lead me to the trauma of 'that day' and all the 'if only's that entails. The one positive thing is that it meant I never had to make the final decision.

 

Plans are afoot for a big celebration of her life with lots of the people who knew and loved her. Half-term would probably be a good time as it could get rather messy.

 

@tg12 - I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your Jess, too. I'm glad that the pictures I posted made you smile.

 

@sippo - My thoughts are with you, and I hope that Treacle manages to make a full recovery. It's good that she has a family that cares about her so much and is giving her all the love and patience that she needs.

[TomHD]

I think of my pups daily. I had to let them go after my partner of 10 years decided she no longer liked me, was faced with giving them to a stranger or let her have them. I chose the latter. She said she would never stop me from seeing them but I could never accept sharing them with the "man" she left me for. I've not told many people this and as I type I'm wondering why I am but I'll continue... Anyways, I think I'm trying to say I feel for you and wish you all the best in filling the gap that your wonderful pup used to fill <3

[DeGrimmy]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. She looks very happy in those photos and 17 is an incredibly good age. My family and I lost our dog at a similar age, so although we were braced for his passing, it was still a culture shock being without a dog. It took us a year to realise we needed that companionship back in our lives, and 2 years to finally get another.

 

My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

[DAS]

She looks like a wonderful friend. No wonder you miss her. I am a cat person but animals are most def my favourite kind of people

Hopefully in the not too distant future you'll feel less sad and maybe find another canine character will feel right to share your journey.

[StevieM]

Thanks, all.

 

And thanks to whoever 'poop-scooped' the deliberately callous post the other day. It's just a shame that it isn't possible to unread notification emails.

[TomHD]

Yeah props to the mod that sorted that one out, I'm all for free speech but sometimes one should just shut up!

[DalekSec]

Sorry to hear this @StevieM i saw how much of a bond you two had at the EduBytes I have two dogs and they are my first and starting to get old now, i don't know how i'm going to cope once they go.

[LeMarchand]

Been meaning to post to offer my condolences, but struggled to think of anything that hadn't already been said or that wouldn't seem like mere platitudes. So all I can say is that she seemed like a lovely girl who enjoyed her life, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

[witch]

Sorry I wasn't able to stop the notification email, @StevieM

[AMLinington]

I think a lot of people who don't have a close relationship to their pets underestimate the relationship and the depth of feeling. I had a very strong bond to one of my cats growing up and I was devastated when she died - I still cry. A pet is not just a 'dumb animal', they are a companion, a confidant, and often there is unconditional love - this is often especially poignant for someone who might be non-neurotypical (such as an autistic person) or someone who suffers from bullying, loneliness or abuse. I was very lonely growing up, and am only just now beginning the journey to an autism diagnosis - for me, Truffie (the cat) was more than just a pet, so I completely understand your feelings towards your dog.

 

I know a lot of people struggle to 'move on' from the death of a pet, or feel they can't get another pet - for me, I will always have a beloved pet in my heart, but there is room to give a home and love to another unloved or unwanted animal, and often I find that giving another animal a home gives me a sense of purpose.