[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Olaf Falafel Picture Tweet]

 

Leaked picture of King Charles banknotes

 

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Orkney Library Picture Tweet]

 

You can always tell when Sting has been in to return his books.

 

 

Posted on Twitter: 13^th of September 2018.

 

📚

[tapb]

I was really hungry this morning so I went to supermarket to buy a pie. It was the biggest pie I've ever seen, so I thought I would weigh it to see how heavy it was.

But where could I find scales so big to weigh it?

Then I heard, a song playing as I left the supermarket, and I knew,

"Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie..."

[6Foot2]

.

[smurfomatic]

I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village's water. Didn't go down well.

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Picture Tweet And Reply]

 

[rush_tech]

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants.

Now they're tenants.

Edited October 17, 2022 by rush_tech

[mikeprice]

Should Mark Knopfler ever need an agent in the Middle East, check out Qatar George: he knows all the Kurds.

 

 

 

 

 

also

 

 

 

 

The Fiddle is the worst Pub ever! It's a vile Inn.

[6Foot2]

Back in the 70’s my dad was a puppeteer at the BBC.

 

He got sacked when he dropped a Clanger.

[mikeprice]

I haven't seen my brother since we left Australia.

 

We were separated at Perth.

[ICTDirect_Dave]

I haven't seen my brother since we left Australia.

 

We were separated at Perth.

 

For just one moment I forgot what thread this was in and started to take this post seriously....

[mikeprice]

For just one moment I forgot what thread this was in and started to take this post seriously....

 

WHAT??

 

 

with me posting in it??

 

(and with no mention of frogs)

[6Foot2]

.

[fiza]

Back in the 70’s my dad was a puppeteer at the BBC.

 

He got sacked when he dropped a Clanger.

 

Couldn't he have pulled some strings to get his job back?

[6Foot2]

Couldn't he have pulled some strings to get his job back?

 

He tried, but he really was in the soup!

 

 

Edited October 20, 2022 by 6Foot2
Correct a typo. :(

[fiza]

He tried, but re really was in the soup!

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]66798[/ATTACH]

 

 

I souppose there was no point dragon it out.

[6Foot2]

I souppose there was no point dragon it out.

 

Yeah, for him the magic was gone: He was out of Puff!

[Ditto]

Why does the dragon look like a chicken? There are so many 'trussed' up chicken images and jokes that are hilarious.... but I can't post any.... and you all know why!

[Syman_a]

What's 2 thirds of 99?

 

the ice cream man's profit

 

Thanks to a year 5 student for that one!

[DalekSec]

Why did the bicycle fall over?

 

Because it was too tired

[Ditto]

On the topic of ice creams

Where do people learn to make ice creams? At sundae school.

[6Foot2]

What's 2 thirds of 99?

 

the ice cream man's profit...

 

That's how they make their lolly!

[6Foot2]

 

[Ditto]

Just because it is Friday, a trio:

 

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

.

They both have the same middle name.

 

 

I have a Polish friend who is a sound technician.... oh, and a Czech one too.

 

and my favourite:

Why do SCUBA divers fall backwards off the boat.

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be on the boat.

[JRA]

I don't know if this fits here, but if we had a thread called "I'm an idiot and I think this is funny" I'd have put it in that.

 

So I've not long bought a house and redecorating the bedrooms. Sparky had to run a cable so I've been putting the drywall back. I've found a very old tobacco tin from the garage (must have been from the '40s or '50s) and I've written "Yeah I'd be disappointed too" on a bit of paper, sealed that in an envelope, folded that up and put it in the ancient tobacco tin, wrapped that in a transparent plastic bag, taped that up too (battered metal tin still quite discernable) and hidden it in the drywall.

 

I intend to live for another 40 years so it may be 50 odd years before some excited homeowner re-models and discovers this. Maybe even the better part of a century.

 

I am quite prepared to play the long gag on this one.

 

EDIT - I must say it does look the part:

 

Edited October 25, 2022 by JRA