[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[Jawloms]

Why do the Norwegian armed forces boats have barcodes on the side?

 

 

So when they come back to port they can scandanavian!

[6Foot2]

We had a few last week but not the hordes we usually have - dont know why

 

Sometimes they are much fewer...

 

Link:

[Olaf Falafel Picture Tweet]

 

 

[hardtailstar]

What do you call an Elephant that doesn't matter?

 

An irrelephant.

[mikeprice]

The other day I spotted an albino dalmation. It was the least I could do for him.

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

I need some technical Facebook help, please.

 

A few months ago, I accepted a friend request from a fellow called Buster, as we both had an avid interest in the 70's band The Sweet. He sent me the odd video of the band but then he started to bombard me with not only videos but almost non-stop messages on Messenger......now as much as I like The Sweet, I thought enough is enough and so I tried to unfriend and block him but I was unable to.....this is where I need technical help ...

 

Does anyone know the way ....there's got to be a way, to Block Buster?

[6Foot2]

Elton John's Thesaurus has been stolen.

 

After reporting the theft to police, he commented, "It's sad, so sad. It's a sad, sad situation..."

[6Foot2]

 

🐝 📧

[mikeprice]

I have been going through the courts recently due to a serious accident caused by a fabric conditioner product

 

 

I have just found out that I lost

 

 

so

 

 

 

I fought Lenor but Lenor won

[mikeprice]

There has just been an announcement about a major development in air safety

 

 

a new manufacturing concept has been developed so that when a plane crashes, instead of smashing in bits and busting into flames

 

the newly designed aeroplane just bounces back into the air

 

 

 

The new aircraft is called the

 

 

Boing 747

[6Foot2]

I was in the library and asked where I'd find the books on engine lubricants.

 

I was told that they were in the non-friction section.

[mikeprice]

I ordered a box of Uranium from Amazon

 

Terrible service - it arrived 4.46 billion years last and it was half full

 

 

and I'm not sure of the free cat was working or broken

[mikeprice]

 

 

 

dunno why I thought I should post that one:o

[mikeprice]

Thought I had got the kids quietly playing Scrabble

 

Left them for a coupld of minutes and they started arguing and throughing the letters at each other

 

 

I ended up shouting

"Stop that it dangerous - someone could loose an I"

[6Foot2]

 

[HarryMonkey]

 

......

[CTIDTech]

Made me laugh!

[HarryMonkey]

Plenty of laughs to be had here ...

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-62626292

[Ditto]

My favourite was last in that list - ""I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days" - Will Duggan.

[mikeprice]

As I get older I find that I only need three shops - SpecSavers, Boots and Greggs.

 

My life is just specs, drugs and sausage rolls.

 

 

 

 

and as an added extra

 

 

I REALLY want to do that

[smurfomatic]

Needed a clear out of my book shelves, so I threw out all the Inspector Wexford books along with other Rendell mysteries.

 

I'm completely Ruthless.

[Jawloms]

Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill. It's a little fit bunny.

[mikeprice]

I saw a sign in Tesco: 5p OFF

 

 

I thought they'd started selling Enid Blyton books.

[mikeprice]

Taking my wife to the Reading festival

 

 

she just loves books so it'll be a real treat for her

[mikeprice]

In other news

 

 

A man who took an Airline to court over his missing luggage

 

It has just been announced that he has lost his case

[mikeprice]

 

 

 

 

OK - not really a dad joke but not sure where else it could go

[mikeprice]

 

 

 

seemed appropriate that I do this one