[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

Nothing, in the English language, starts with an N and ends in G.

[mikeprice]

In the local news today is a new 'work life balance' scheme by Liverpool Airport where thye are going to build housing for workers

 

at the moment it is a Pilot scheme

[mikeprice]

Some people think that Argentina is quite a warm country

 

which is untrue

 

in fact it is bordering on Chile

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

A lorry carrying Vicks Vaporub overturned on the motorway.

 

There was no congestion for eight hours.

[mikeprice]

Special one day only offers from my Dentist today

 

Great saving on a load of treatments

 

Apparently it is Plaque Friday

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

^ Lots of mugshot opportunities!

 

^ Had to do that one - It was an open gaol!

 

[mikeprice]

Just seem this genuine comment

 

Ramses II lived to the age of 91 or 92 and based on the evidence from his mummy he died from a tooth infection

 

 

comment after it

 

Wait. His mom reported his cause of death? So she outlived him, then?! How old was she?????

[6Foot2]

 

[Syman_a]

It's hard to wind up a skeleton...

 

 

You just cannot get under their skin.

[mikeprice]

It's hard to wind up a skeleton...

 

 

You just cannot get under their skin.

 

You have to find their funny bone

[mikeprice]

Got hold of some knock off Mr Kipling mince pies yesterday

 

 

The are exceedingly good fakes

[3s-gtech]

I’m sure this is a rip-off from someone else, but one that came to mind today is:

 

I met a cheerful psychic once. I punched her in the face.

 

I like to strike a happy medium.

[6Foot2]

Are they watching this thread?...

 

Link: Gag reflex shows that we love ‘dad jokes’ | News | The Times [Full story behind a paywall]

 

 

[HarryMonkey]

People keep asking me if Tina Turner is now living at my house. I keep explaining to them that she's simply the guest.

[6Foot2]

 

[mikeprice]

 

 

......

[Syman_a]

It was a tense moment.

Batman commanded, “To the batmobile”!

They got in and doing their check batman said “Start the batengine”.

“The engine won’t start!” Robin cried.

Batman calmly said “Check the battery”.

Robin just looked at batman and asked “What’s a tery?”

[6Foot2]

Which do you prefer to drink at Christmas?

 

a) hot spicy wine

b) warm spicy wine

c) cold spicy wine

d) none of the above

 

This is a mull tipple choice question.

 

🎄

[mikeprice]

Which do you prefer to drink at Christmas?

 

a) hot spicy wine

b) warm spicy wine

c) cold spicy wine

d) none of the above

 

This is a mull tipple choice question.

 

🎄

 

Hot spicy wine

 

maybe one

then back to proper red wine

 

but only if not driving - as I will be so basically none until we get home and I start cooking dinner - after which anything goes and how it all gets on the table is anyone's guess!!!

[mikeprice]

Thought putting this on your wall at work would be a good way to show your intentions for the New Year

 

[mikeprice]

Made a Hawaiian pizza for Mrs mikeprice last night

 

but it was burnt and overdone

 

 

apparently I should have done it aloha temperature

[jmak]

@mikeprice

 

Loving the new avatar

 

[emoji196][emoji196][emoji196]

[mikeprice]

@mikeprice

 

Loving the new avatar

 

[emoji196][emoji196][emoji196]

 

There was an 'incident' and I thought it was appropriate

 

 

anyway - back on topic

 

 

 

If anyone is feeling down after the end of the Christmas season and going back to work

then getting a load of tropical fish can help a lot

 

this is due to all the indoor fins