[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[Garacesh]

I was reading an article about a bloke that fell into the local water supply.

I guess he couldn't see that well.

[6Foot2]

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[mikeprice]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]67736[/ATTACH]

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Job done mate

 

next job please

[FN-GM]

What do you call a pony with a sore throat?

 

A little horse!

[HarryMonkey]

 

......

[6Foot2]

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[mikeprice]

 

One for the trekkies

[mikeprice]

Now I have seen this I cannot imagine why all similar signs are "vandalised" this way by kids on their way home from school who have a bottle of tippex in their bag

 

not that I would have, of course

 

but mostly because there was no swimming pool on the way home

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

Now I have seen this I cannot imagine why all similar signs are "vandalised" this way by kids on their way home from school who have a bottle of tippex in their bag

 

not that I would have, of course

 

but mostly because there was no swimming pool on the way home

 

EDIT

 

suppose you lot want the image as well!!

 

[6Foot2]

I guess he's not your typical campanologist.

 

He just, sort of, reminds people about things...

[Norphy]

Blatantly stolen from r/startrekmemes

 

[6Foot2]

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[smurfomatic]

From @dadsaysjokes on Twitter:

 

I took my 8-year-old daughter to the office on 'Take Your Kid To Work Day' But when we walked in the office she started to cry.

 

As concerned staff gathered round I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you work with.”

[mikeprice]

 

 

Actually - all credit to the Everton first team

 

I have heard they have been helping out in the coffee shops and cafes around Liverpool

 

 

well - probably the only way they will get their hands on any cups this year!!!

[6Foot2]

I found this on Reddit in Tech Humour:

 

Link: Tech Humor

 

My friend told me I might need more Ram so I bought a little more Ram but haven’t noticed a difference yet.

 

 

[mikeprice]

Went to a restaurant last night, the waiter said "For starters there's badger soup, followed by roast badger and finishing with badger mousse”

Is there anything else apart from badger?" I asked.

“No", he replied. "It's a sett menu."

 

 

 

 

 

and also

 

 

 

 

We don’t know how lucky we are to have the job we have. We had a guy decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he’s a Ryanair pilot. He’s decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing.

[mikeprice]

I ordered a balloon from Ali-express

 

tracking info said it was on its way from China

 

but now it says it has disappeared

anyone any idea what happened to it???

 

 

 

 

 

sorry - rather time dependant - won;t make sense in a few days!

[6Foot2]

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[mikeprice]

FINALLY JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED!!

There’s been a local smack head called Cal breaking into houses around the area but the police have been unable to catch him.

He was breaking into people’s homes, robbing them of everything he could find before putting a brick in their washing machine and turning it on before leaving!

Well, I’ve just been informed that he’s passed away after a drug overdose!

Sadly it’s never a nice thing for someone to die in any circumstance, but at least washing machines will live longer with Cal gone!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

Link: "Bug In Line 31" [Reddit]

 

 

[mikeprice]

 

 

wasn;t quite sure the best thread for this one - thought here would at least be safe!

[Jawloms]

[6Foot2]

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[free780]

 

Seems accurate.

[6Foot2]

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