[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

NOTE: Not a political post: No political replies are expected, nor are they invited.

 

Link:

[Text Tweet]

 

[dcwhitworth]

That's no way to talk about @dcwhitworth ;-)

 

I like to think it's accurate though

 

#retiringsoon

[6Foot2]

 

🍴

[6Foot2]

"It may seem irrational to some, as it's an inert gas, some people suffer from xenonphobia."

- Quoted verbatom.

[mikeprice]

"It may seem irrational to some, as it's an inert gas, some people suffer from xenonphobia."

- Quoted verbatom.

 

It does seem rather ionic

[dcwhitworth]

It does seem rather ionic

 

That's a noble sentiment

[mikeprice]

That's a noble sentiment

 

If we don't move this to the Punny Thread we could get into Alkynes of trouble

[Techykev]

Sigh, How come we don't make anything in this country anymore? Just got a new telly and it says "Built in Antenna" - I don't even know where that is!

[mikeprice]

Sigh, How come we don't make anything in this country anymore? Just got a new telly and it says "Built in Antenna" - I don't even know where that is!

 

If you have 2 and put then near each other - they may breed

 

and you get a Golden Receiver

[Jawloms]

I've started hiding under my desk when I get to work as I've heard that good employees are hard to find.

[Ditto]

I have no shame, this is stolen from local social media! It's clearly written to antagonise the locals... until the punch line

 

While many complain about life in general and the cost of living etc., I am sitting on a sofa that costs £6,500, lovely and cool in front of an air-con unit costing £2,300, watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that costs £4,000. Right now, I'm happy, with no worries and not a care in the world.

Not even the employees at John Lewis, who keep asking me to leave can spoil my day.

Edited July 24, 2023 by Ditto

[smurfomatic]

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[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/SSheil/status/1683767524037476352 [Picture Tweet]

 

Went to get my hair cut here a couple of months back and it was only £8. Went back last month and it had gone up to £13. Fair enough, cost of living crisis and all that, I thought. Then today I went in and he’s asking for £21! Don’t know what this guy thinks he’s playing at.

 

[korifugi]

I walk past there on my way into work!

 

It shaves a couple of minutes off the journey from the train station.

[mikeprice]

You know how you hear a lot more about vampires in Europe than in Africa? Vampires don't like holy water, and they bless the rains down in Africa.

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

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[6Foot2]

 

🌿

[mikeprice]

The sequel to the Barbie movie has just been announced. It's going to be called Barbie II: The Wrath of Ken

 

 

 

(EDIT - Am I the first person on the site to mention the Barbie movie???

just wondering!)

[smurfomatic]

Drove past the cinema yesterday, a long line of people outside and the smell of cooked meat.

 

Turns out it was the Barbie queue.

[mikeprice]

 

I need to remember this in the unlikely event that I can insert it into a conversation at some point in the future

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Text Tweet]

 

[mikeprice]

Link:

[Text Tweet]

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]69606[/ATTACH]

 

The twitter username reminds me of someone I used to work with - he was one of the main on-call people that got rung up by the mainframe operators overnight

he was also quite short and did like explaining things to pleople

 

His nickname in Operations was "Rifleman" - which he was quite pleased with - although rather puzzled

 

 

good job no-one told him it was because he was a "small bore"

[6Foot2]

...good job no-one told him it was because he was a "small bore"

 

Fortunate twice over he wasn't informed, that has another connotation in the same context aside from "diminutive and dull"

[mikeprice]

Fortunate twice over he wasn't informed, that has another connotation in the same context aside from "diminutive and dull"

 

I'm not asking!

[mikeprice]

On another forum (about bikes - but we wander off topic !!!) there is a thread about plot holes and faults in films

 

someone posted this

 

"Harry Potter.

 

Not only did a 105e Anglia fly, but it started first go and was not rusty. All these are significant inaccuracies."

[Ditto]

To the thief who stole my antidepressant medication. I hope you’re happy now.