[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[mikeprice]

Had a bad day...... I paid a joiner to make me a double bed, and he's done a bunk! It's just one thing on top of another!

 

It'll be better once you've slept on it

[mikeprice]

Thought this might help the PE teachers on Monday

 

[6Foot2]

Thought this might help the PE teachers on Monday

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]70176[/ATTACH]

 

Something for the English teachers, so that they don't feel left out:

 

 

[elsiegee40]

Seen on a chalk board outside our fishmonger

 

How does a seahorse move quickly?

 

It scallops

 

(Made me smile anyway )

[mikeprice]

 

.......

[Jawloms]

By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it's raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?

[6Foot2]

If you hold the alphabet up to your ear, you can hear the C.

[6Foot2]

Most bald men still own a comb.

 

They just can’t part with it.

[ticktock]

@6Foot2 That's terrible but funny.

[mikeprice]

@6Foot2 That's terrible but funny.

 

No it isn;t

 

it's just discriminatory

 

and inaccurate - I have not owned a comb for years

 

mind you - I also have not looked in a mirror for years!

[6Foot2]

Link:

[X Picture Post]

 

[elsiegee40]

Where do bad rainbows go?

 

Prism! It’s a light sentence and gives them time to reflect.

[StevieM]

Prisms refract rather than reflect. Also, rainbows come out of prisms

 

...although some light must be reflected, otherwise they'd be invisible...

 

...and what comes out if a rainbow does go into a prism?

 

Now look what you've started!

[DalekSec]

Prisms refract rather than reflect. Also, rainbows come out of prisms

 

...although some light must be reflected, otherwise they'd be invisible...

 

...and what comes out if a rainbow does go into a prism?

 

Now look what you've started!

 

You didn't make light of that fact did you

[StevieM]

You didn't make light of that fact did you

Well, I am on the spectrum.

[6Foot2]

I thought I heard someone say hello to me in Arabic today, but it turned out to be a false Salaam.

[6Foot2]

 

[HarryMonkey]

 

. . .

[6Foot2]

NASA is ready to launch a new space mission to say sorry to any aliens that might be living in outer space, and they have named it Apollo G.

[smurfomatic]

 

Moose Allain on Twitter

[Garacesh]

Ooh that one even made me grimace a bit.. That's how you know it's a good'un!

[DalekSec]

Whats a linux users favourite game?

 

Sudo-Ku

[6Foot2]

Two Penguin wrapper jokes (5Foot2 and I had a Penguin each just now)

 

How does a penguin get around?

On a b-icicle

 

Why was the penguin's head cold?

He was wearing an ice cap!

[HarryMonkey]

. . .

[mikeprice]

Not a Dad joke but a story about one

 

There was a phone call before - Mrs mikeprice's friend

She was suggesting that 3 of then come round next Wednesday for a coffee and a catch up

 

they suggested tenish

 

I commented that she would need to find her trainers and shorts

 

 

she gave me a funny look but didn't laugh

 

I think she almost expected it!

 

 

 

now - I wonder if I have an old raquet up in the loft???