[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

My neighbour shouted angrily at a couple of sparrows that were sitting on his garden fence the other day.

 

To my amazement, they both fell off and died.

 

It was then that I realized: It is possible to kill two birds with one’s tone.

 

🐦

[6Foot2]

My Aunt Marge has been in the hospital for ages—I can't believe she's not better.

[FN-GM]

Why do the french eat snails?

 

Because they don't like fast food!

[mikeprice]

 

 

LArge fries please

 

 

I do have a nephew that is an Everton supporter

he also has minor brain damage from an anurism- I do not believe the 2 are unconnected!!

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Text Tweet]

 

[mikeprice]

Link:

[Text Tweet]

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]69680[/ATTACH]

 

My friend thought she could beat me at Scrabble. But I wooden letter.

[mikeprice]

I believ @witch is really good at scrabble

 

 

I have heard she is really good at spelling

[6Foot2]

They’ve set up a giant Scrabble game in my local park.

 

I was going to play, but the Q was too big.

[mikeprice]

......

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

Also....

[6Foot2]

Link: https://gothiero.tumblr.com/post/700026249916055552/lrgcarter-daggersdawn-goddessoftheblackcoast [Tumblr Picture Post With Replies: Posted on Tumblr: 4^th of November 2022]

 

 

[mikeprice]

 

 

Personally I would take a photo and get into work however sick I was - just so I could report the reason

 

maybe I watched Reggie Perrin too many times???

 

 

"Sorry I'm late Miss Jones - escaped Minion, Switch Island"

 

would make my year

 

 

 

 

(I really should get out more!)

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]69713[/ATTACH]

.

 

Took me a few seconds!

[smurfomatic]

Dad jokes courtesy of IBM

[mikeprice]

We went to an Indian restaurant last night

 

As the main course arrived a little old lady came over and said

 

"You are such a nice man - you wife is so lucky to have such a polite, gentmanly and well dressed husband such as you - and you are so lucky to have such a beautiful and intelligent wife"

 

then she wandered off

 

I asked the waiter who she was and he said

 

 

"She is you complimentary Nan"

 

 

 

 

Thank you

[6Foot2]

My boss told me that as a security guard, it's my job to watch The Office.

 

I've watched both series, but I'm not really sure how it helps with security.

[DalekSec]

My boss told me that as a security guard, it's my job to watch The Office.

 

I've watched both series, but I'm not really sure how it helps with security.

 

He meant the US Office

[6Foot2]

The Beastie Boys are releasing a new 5 part 'best of' compilation.

 

Parts A, B, C, & D come with the set.

 

You gotta fight for your right to Part E

[mikeprice]

He meant the US Office

 

Honestly the grammar on here at times!!!

 

 

you should have said "OUR Office" - not "us office"

[6Foot2]

 

[HarryMonkey]

That reminds me of this ...

 

[6Foot2]

 

🚛

[6Foot2]

 

So, money DOES grow on trees!

 

[smurfomatic]

 

[6Foot2]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]69857[/ATTACH]

 

 

Do I believe that? Hardly!