[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[Norphy]

Not sure if this counts as a dad joke but whatever

 

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMLyCU8Wt/?k=1

[Ditto]

Another from my Xmas pack of card Dad jokes.

 

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it might make him faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

[mikeprice]

A Bloke I know has changed career and become an archeologist

 

 

poor guy - his life is in ruins

[6Foot2]

.

[PureDarkStar]

What do you call a magician with no magic? Ian...

 

[6Foot2]

Why do people wear shamrocks on St Patrick's Day?

 

Because real rocks are too heavy!

[mikeprice]

I have been feeling really angry at some people recently

 

 

 

Someone told me that I should write a letter to every person who makes me angry - them burn them

 

 

 

Anyone know what I am supposed to do with the letters after that????

 

 

err

asking for a friend

[hardtailstar]

I have been feeling really angry at some people recently

 

 

 

Someone told me that I should write a letter to every person who makes me angry - them burn them

 

 

 

Anyone know what I am supposed to do with the letters after that????

 

 

err

asking for a friend

So it was you that burnt me!* I'd like a letter of apology please.

 

 

 

My wife was looking at new curtains, I derailed that idea quickly.

 

 

*Mikeprice didn't actually burn me, I did have serious burns though.

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

So it was you that burnt me!* I'd like a letter of apology please.

 

 

 

My wife was looking at new curtains, I derailed that idea quickly.

 

 

*Mikeprice didn't actually burn me, I did have serious burns though.

 

Sorry

 

Here is the letter

 

 

Q

[mdrabble]

I have just discovered a Dads Joke Podcast on Spotify......

 

I seem to be ill only during the working week....

 

So I went to the doctors and he said I have a Weekend Immune System....

[HarryMonkey]

What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

 

One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.

[6Foot2]

I was lucky enough to find the original Sooty and Sweep puppets.

 

I put them up for sale to the highest bidder and I have just had an offer from someone: £1000 to take them off my hands!

[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/NoContextBrits/status/1507295863533670405 [Picture Tweet]

 

I don’t believe it.

 

[HarryMonkey]

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.

 

It was a Lamb Bikini.

[6Foot2]

A man walks into a hardware store and speaks to the cashier...

"Have you any two watt bulbs?"

"For what?"

"That’ll do, I'll take two."

"Two what?"

"I thought you didn’t have any."

"Any what?"

"Yes please!"

[mikeprice]

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid cricketers.

 

Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

[mikeprice]

Walked into the kitchen before and I could have sworn I could hear someone singing Bee Gee songs

 

looked everywhere

 

finally open the fridge door and realised

 

it was just the chives talking

[mikeprice]

Not really the right place for this - but I want one

 

[hardtailstar]

I was asked if I knew the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo, I replied: "Of course, one is very heavy....the other just a little lighter".

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

God - Noah, it's time to build another boat.

Noah - Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two etc?

God - Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish. Also, build it with more than one deck.

Noah - Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!

God - And another thing, not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.

Noah - So, let me get this right God. You want a "Multi Storey Carp Ark!"

[mikeprice]

On another note

 

 

I just found out that Elon Musk is paying $44 billion for Twitter

 

and I thought he was clever

 

 

WHAT a sucker!!

 

 

I just downloaded it for free!!!

[6Foot2]

On another note

 

 

I just found out that Elon Musk is paying $44 billion for Twitter

 

and I thought he was clever

 

 

WHAT a sucker!!

 

 

I just downloaded it for free!!!

 

Link:

[Yorkshire Tea Text Tweet]

 

 

Perhaps they should have offered Hobnobs?...

 

*Chocolate Hobnobs are available!