[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

.

[elsiegee40]

…..

[Norphy]

Just found in a Christmas cracker

 

Why don’t bikes stand up?

 

Because there two tyred.

[Oaktech]

searched the thread, didn't find it...So, here we go, and I apologise in advance:

 

How did the cyber criminal get away?

 

He ransomware.

 

 

Please don't kick me out.

Edited December 24, 2021 by Oaktech
Typos... Typos everywhere!

[HarryMonkey]

 

......

[6Foot2]

Taking part in the pub quiz, and it all came down to the final question.

 

The question was name three hits by Meatloaf.

 

We got "Bat Out of Hell" and "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth" but we couldn't think of another one. I guess two out of three ain't bad.

[hardtailstar]

Probably the right place for this....

[mikeprice]

Happy Christmas

 

 

 

 

 

 

as an extra

 

 

Wife: If you’re going to the shop can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac?

Me: Can’t you wait until you unwrap your presents tomorrow?

[dcwhitworth]

I just wanted to thank everyone who contributed to this thread. I used these for our virtual Christmas crackers, we had a bowl with paper hats and small wrapped presents, you put a hat on, shout 'bang !', open a present then I tell a terrible joke. Biggest groan - the bat flattery. Best joke - tale of two cities. My personal favourite - deaf sheepdogs.

[6Foot2]

 

[smurfomatic]

From @furrealist on Twitter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lateral Flo

[Ditto]

I've used a few jokes on here to get groans from the kids - result is this for Xmas...

 

 

Be scared, be very scared

 

I'll try to post the best 10, maybe one a week over the coming weeks! Hopefully by then the latest viral wave will have subsided to add to the cheer.

[6Foot2]

I have a friend whose name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

 

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

 

I have another friend whose name is SSSST.

 

That name is pronouced "Forest"

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]64063[/ATTACH]

.

 

Our bathroom are being 'upgraded' in a few weeks

 

 

any suggestion on how I can convince Mrs mikeprice that we NEED this design in all the bathrooms???

 

and the kitchen

[mdrabble]

Not really a dad joke but made me laugh

 

[Ditto]

Our bathroom are being 'upgraded' in a few weeks

 

 

any suggestion on how I can convince Mrs mikeprice that we NEED this design in all the bathrooms???

 

and the kitchen

You could compromise with one of these!

[mikeprice]

You could compromise with one of these!

 

Nah

you don;t get to tell the 'joke' to every single visitor

 

while your wife rolls her eyes

[smithson83]

Nah

you don;t get to tell the 'joke' to every single visitor

 

while your wife rolls her eyes

Does this count?

 

https://www.screwfix.com/p/seville-pull-out-spray-mono-mixer-kitchen-tap-chrome/9863p

 

It kinda has a spring

[mikeprice]

Does this count?

 

https://www.screwfix.com/p/seville-pull-out-spray-mono-mixer-kitchen-tap-chrome/9863p

 

It kinda has a spring

 

Nah

 

not even close

[mikeprice]

 

 

Too soon??

[hardtailstar]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]64082[/ATTACH]

 

 

Too soon??

Wrong thread! That's a good joke! Haha

[6Foot2]

.

[mdrabble]

I’ve just come out and found two snakes on the front window of my car!

 

That said they were excellent at clearing the rain, I think they must have been windscreen vipers

[6Foot2]

There were no takers on Dragon's Den when I presented my Astro Turf business idea.

 

They didn't like my pitch!