[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[mikeprice]

A while ago I decided to go to Blackpool

 

SO I went on a donkey

 

 

took me 3 days to get there!!!

 

 

 

 

 

so next time I took the train

 

Northern Rail have rung asking for it back

[mikeprice]

On a different note

 

 

After a lot of work I have finally managed to convert my car to electric

not as expensive as you would think as I used the motor out of the washing machine

 

got it all wired up and tested all the circuits - but at first I just couldn;t get it to work

 

Until I realised I had left the door open

 

So then I could take it for a spin

[FN-GM]

Thieves have stolen all of the motorway road signs in Yorkshire....police are actively looking for Leeds.

[6Foot2]

 

[DJHLUnicorn]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]65362[/ATTACH]

 

 

That’s cool [emoji594][emoji594]

[dcwhitworth]

"Darling, I'm pregnant"

 

"Hello pregnant, I'm Dad"

 

"No, you're not"

[mikeprice]

 

......

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

 

[HarryMonkey]

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer and a mop?"

[Jawloms]

If the surface of the world is 70% water, and it isn't carbonated water, does that mean the world is flat?

[mikeprice]

If the surface of the world is 70% water, and it isn't carbonated water, does that mean the world is flat?

 

I am soooo using that one

[mikeprice]

 

 

had to be done

[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/RetweetEmyu/status/1531702609706647552

 

Victoria's Secret has released a new bra and it's called "Manchester United". Lot's of support but no cup.

[6Foot2]

.

[elfdaughter]

A snail comes into a supercar showroom and starts talking to one of the salesmen. He asks for a superfast car.

"Of course sir," says the salesman. "We have the perfect car here for you". He proceeds to show the snail a beautiful mercedes.

"That's perfect," says the snail. "But can I get it customised?"

"Of course," says the salesman.

"Great!" says the snail. "I want it in really shiny silver with loads of S designs all over it."

"Of...course..." says the salesman. "Can I ask why?"

"Yes", says the snail. "It's so that when I'm driving fast, people will stop and say.... 'look at the es-car-go......'"

 

 

I'll get my coat....

[6Foot2]

 

A map of Europe drawn from memory.

[mikeprice]

On which note

 

[hardtailstar]

@elfdaughter are you a friend of @sonofsanta?

 

[emoji848][emoji23]

[6Foot2]

On which note

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]65684[/ATTACH]

 

BoomeRAM

 

[elfdaughter]

A Man walks into a bar and sees a Rottweiler sitting by the barman.

"That's a fierce-looking dog!" he says.

"Yup," says the barman, "best fighting dog in the county, that one. Won every fight he's been in."

The man thinks for a bit and says "Hmm. I've got a dog who can beat him."

"Nah," says the barman, "but OK, tell you what, bring him in tomorrow, and we'll see who wins."

So the next day the man comes back into the bar with his dog.

"That's an odd-looking dog," says the barman, "what breed is he?"

"He's a Long-Nosed, Short-Legged, Long-tailed Water Whippet," replies the man.

"He's a what?" asks the barman

"He's a Long-Nosed, Short-Legged, Long-tailed Water Whippet!"

"Right, OK" says the barman, "let's just put them out and see who wins."

So, they put the two dogs out, and there's the most tremendous barking and yapping and yelping and growling.... and finally, silence. They open the door, and there's the Rottweiler on the ground, four paws in the air, dead.

"Bloody hell" says the barman. What breed did you say that dog was again?"

"He's a Long-Nosed, Short-Legged, Long-tailed Water Whippet. Of course, some people know them as alligators......"

[6Foot2]

Taking a dog named Shark to the beach was a bad idea.

[elfdaughter]

Why do robots not like apples?

Because they're androids....

[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/HughRSOsborne/status/1539921679241052162 [Text Tweet]

 

[mikeprice]

Link: https://twitter.com/HughRSOsborne/status/1539921679241052162 [Text Tweet]

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]65800[/ATTACH]

 

I think you should have thought more before posting that

 

seems a bit RASH to me

 

 

 

Oh my coat - how kind