[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

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[Norphy]

More a ‘son joke’ but it was quite funny for a seven year old.

 

Our son was telling us that the teachers were going bowling tomorrow, because they’re striking.

[mikeprice]

You know that Sycamore that has been chopped down along Hadrien's wall

 

Well - now they have arrested 1 16 year old bloke and now a 60 year old man as well

 

I reckon there will be a 3rd arrest announced soon

 

'cos it sounds to me like the work of tree fellers

[jmak]

You know that Sycamore that has been chopped down along Hadrien's wall

 

Well - now they have arrested 1 16 year old bloke and now a 60 year old man as well

 

I reckon there will be a 3rd arrest announced soon

 

'cos it sounds to me like the work of tree fellers

I'm scared of giving that a "like" because of the subject, but - well played sir

[mikeprice]

 

Well yes - but could they?????

[mikeprice]

Just had one of the automated phone calls

 

 

It claims I have won a competition

 

I can either have £100 - or 2 tickets to an Elvis Tribute act

 

I have to Press - One for the money or 2 for the Show!!

[mikeprice]

 

 

 

.......

[6Foot2]

 

[jthompson]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]70074[/ATTACH]

 

Good, it's not just me then.

[JJonas]

I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.

She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

[smurfomatic]

It's pretty chilly this morning. I asked a farmer I saw on my way to work why I could hear tubular bells. 'Don't worry,' he said, 'that's just my cold field'.

[DalekSec]

I saw a magic tractor this morning, it turned into a field

[mikeprice]

I was run over by a tractor mowing the local mark the other day - totally severed two of my limbs

 

I tried to sue the counsel but the lawyer reckons I don;t have a leg to stand on!!

[6Foot2]

.

[mikeprice]

I was recently accused of posting a long series of messages about I'm Too Sexy, Deeply Dippy and other songs,

 

 

but I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.

[mikeprice]

 

 

Now - if I'm not around for a while then I'm off round the local dog walking businesses looking for a dog like that to walk all over and wait until people ask

[StevieM]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]70135[/ATTACH]

 

 

Now - if I'm not around for a while then I'm off round the local dog walking businesses looking for a dog like that to walk all over and wait until people ask

 

A friend of mine once had a Jack Russell crossed with a Shih Tzu.

 

Pfft! I don't know!

 

(True story)

[6Foot2]

A friend of mine once had a Jack Russell crossed with a Shih Tzu.

 

Pfft! I don't know!

 

(True story)

 

Jack Tzu.

[Jawloms]

Gesundheit

[6Foot2]

*Sniffs

[mikeprice]

To help out the poor wee critters in the colder weather I got a bag of bird feed and put it on the shed roof (where else???)

 

 

a few days later Amazon are on asking for Feed Back

 

I went to check but it is all gone

 

any advise???

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

I put my car into reverse this morning for the first time in ages. I thought, this takes me back.

[HarryMonkey]

. . .

[Disease]

A Guy was admitted to Accident and Emergency the other day after inserting 32 small plastic horses into his bottom.

 

He is doing ok and his condition is described as stable.

[6Foot2]

What do you call a garland of $100 bills?

 

A wreath of Franklins.

 

[Jawloms]

Had a bad day...... I paid a joiner to make me a double bed, and he's done a bunk! It's just one thing on top of another!