[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

Deaf sheepdogs.

 

They're hard to come by...

[mikeprice]

Two vultures are boarding a commercial airline flight.

Each bird has two dead racoons tightly clutched in both of their talons.

The stewardess looks at them and says "Sorry gentleman, but only one carrion per passenger.".

 

 

 

 

OK OK OK even I have to admit that I coped that from 'another website'

[mikeprice]

Is there something wrong with Edugeek storage of old posts

 

 

I have been trying to find an old post about an osteopath about a weak back

[Boredguy]

Is there something wrong with Edugeek storage of old posts

 

 

I have been trying to find an old post about an osteopath about a weak back

 

Who is this posting as MikePrice. Someone must be using his account as there isn't a a spelling mistake or additional punctionation in this joke!

[Jawloms]

or additional punctionation in this joke!

 

There's lack of punctuation though. No full stops! Does that count?

[Ditto]

There's lack of punctuation though. No full stops! Does that count?

Passes authentication in my honest opinion.

[StevieM]

There's lack of punctuation though. No full stops! Does that count?

Passes authentication in my honest opinion.

 

There's no question mark either. Does that pass as 2 factor authentication?

[mikeprice]

To be fair - re-reading it I did overuse the word about

 

anyway - I was worried about my missing shed - but someone has pointed out that it has been found

[mikeprice]

 

 

 

I don;t tend to have problems with the ones marked push or pull

 

I do get confused about the doors marked 'Lift'

[6Foot2]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]63923[/ATTACH]

 

 

 

I don;t tend to have problems with the ones marked push or pull

 

I do get confused about the doors marked 'Lift'

 

How about sliding doors?

 

 

[6Foot2]

I saw Phillip Schofield in a multi-storey car park. He was asking for directions to the nearest toilet.

 

He was told: "Phillip, wee by any car“

[mikeprice]

Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time

[mikeprice]

To fill in the time I started up a sideline making tennis equipment

 

Environmental Health have just been round and shut me down due to noise polution

 

apparently I was making a racquet

[mikeprice]

And....

 

[dcwhitworth]

Finally the Great Flood recedes and the Ark makes landfall. Noah lowers the ramp and says to the animals "Go forth and multiply !"

 

A little later he is strolling through the woods and there is much rustling in bushes etc. He comes across a clearing, there he finds two snakes. They have got a lot of carpentry tools and have cut down some trees and are making some furniture.

 

He looks at them in surprise and says "Did you not hear me ? I said go forth and multiply"

 

And one of the snakes says "Yes, but we are adders, so we're making log tables'

[Garacesh]

And one of the snakes says "Yes, but we are adders, so we're making log tables'

 

I genuinely rolled my eyes

That's how you can tell it's a really good one!

[dcwhitworth]

I genuinely rolled my eyes

That's how you can tell it's a really good one!

 

It has the added advantage of being both a Dad joke AND a Geek joke at the same time.

[mikeprice]

 

[mikeprice]

I have just found out there is a book called "What Every Woman Wants"

 

 

I was wondering if anyone has a copy I could borrow for a few minutes

 

 

I just want to check they spelt my name right

 

[3s-gtech]

I have just found out there is a book called "What Every Woman Wants"

 

 

I was wondering if anyone has a copy I could borrow for a few minutes

 

 

I just want to check they spelt my name right

 

 

All the books have that though Mike, otherwise no-one would know how much they cost

 

🤭🤡

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

Did you know that Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool fan and didn’t like aftershave?

 

That’s right!

 

Yul never wore cologne!

[mikeprice]

Did you know that Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool fan and didn’t like aftershave?

 

That’s right!

 

Yul never wore cologne!

 

DAMN

 

I was going to post that one this morning and got distracted!

[mikeprice]

Vegans need to lay off others for their eating habits.

The last thing we need is another Spinach Inquisition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

bet you weren't expecting that one!