Things you'd never hear on a film about computers

[Hightower]

Just something daft. What wouldn't you hear on a hollywood blockbuster about computers?

 

Something like:

 

Jack Bauer: "Send me the files now!"

PFY: "Sending them"

Bauer: "S***. BSoD! Connect me to the techs"

PFY: "Patching..."

Techs: "CP Wordle, the guys of tech. How can I help?"

Bauer: "I'm being held at gun point and need my laptop but it just BSoD"

Techs: "Do you have your account number?"

[Arcath]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/devotion_to_duty.png

 

Image from:http://xkcd.com/

Edited July 18, 2010 by john

[rolfea]

*from ear piece* "Bond, get the data and get out of there! The guards are just down the hall!"

 

*Bond* "HANG ON HANG ON! I've just had to turn it off and on again!"

[Polski]

On a simular thread....... "Your airtime balance is.....zero pence!"

[Dos_Box]

'Just download all the files you find to the disk you have'

 

'Erm, there's 750GB, and I only have one floppy, and this computer doesn't even have a floppy drive!'

[andyturpie]

"This Vista OS is a bit of alright innit?"

[powdarrmonkey]

comic

 

This post requires attribution, see xkcd - A Webcomic - License

[rolfea]

"Hi Mission Control, could you tell me what 'error 0x00084522' means please?" Edited July 16, 2010 by rolfea

[aerospacemango]

"Wait a minute......In the far right-hand corner of the picture....See that blob? Enhance it.....Bring it in....Can you show it at less than 4 miles?...Ok, enhance again""

 

"Oh!"

 

"Yep, thought so.... That, my friend, is the face of Carlos the Jackal!"

 

"Ummmm...Boss...With only 3.5megapixels, the resolution is sooo poor that that could be just about anyone who has a head!"

 

"Yep...so go arrest him!"

[alan-d]

Hello control, I followed your instructions and put my stick in the slot. Nothing happening, Over.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

Oh - control - sorry - crease in the instructions you gave me. Now using the USB Stick Over

[aerospacemango]

"You know, I think there may be a glitch in the system somewhere"

 

"And why would that be?"

 

"Well, I set that bomb to go off about 20mins ago....Now, I gave it a 10 minute fuse, and put the countdown on your PC screen...see it?...Yep, just there! Right, so we've been chatting for a couple of minutes now, and the countdown has still only got to 8:58 and counting"

 

"Is this because of the rip in the space\time continuum?"

[webman]

aerospacemango: Must be using the Windows Vista file copy time estimate algorithm

[rolfea]

aerospacemango: Must be using the Windows Vista file copy time estimate algorithm

 

Or "Microsoft Minutes" in general...

[Hightower]

January 19th 2038 03:00

 

"We have a problem sir!"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"In exactly 14 minutes our systems will start behaving eratically"

 

"How?"

 

"Millenium bug Captain"

 

"The millenium bug happened nearly 38 years ago!"

 

"Yes sir, but we run on unix"

"And?"

 

"Well sir, I don't have time to explain, but there's a whole s*** storm coming our way in 14 minutes!"

Edited July 16, 2010 by Hightower
got my times wrong!

[pete]

'Just download all the files you find to the disk you have'

 

'Erm, there's 750GB, and I only have one floppy, and this computer doesn't even have a floppy drive!'

 

Plus he's not even taken #99 into account: "Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size."

 

Evil Overlord List

[AngryTechnician]

Nahhh, the Bauer conversation would go more like this:

 

Jack Bauer: "Send me the files now!"

PFY: "Sending them"

Bauer: "OK, got them... but they won't open. Did you send me the 2003 format ones?"

PFY: "No, I sent the 2007 versions... didn't you install the compatibility patch yet?"

Bauer: "No, I can't afford to upgrade at the moment."

PFY: "It's a free patch! Don't you remember we've had this conversation about 10 times in the last 2 years?!"

Bauer: "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR GAMES! SEND ME THE 2003 VERSIONS NOW!!"

[sparkeh]

"I just have time to phone in the location of the bomb to HQ.... argh no reception!"

 

"Mmm you have to hold the iPhone like this sir"

[LeMarchand]

Not so much hear as see: anyone use a mouse...

[p858snake]

"Please set up ten secret questions and answers before using this service"

[joe90bass]

"Hi Mission Control, could you tell me what 'error 0x00084522' means please?"

 

Mission control: Please hold the line whilst we log a support call with the Helpdesk

[chrbb]

"I'll just zip the files and send them - damn the evaluation copy's expired."

[mac_shinobi]

HQ to Bond : You have got all your tools for the job ?

Bond : Yes, oh wait, dang them they have an apple mac, now what ?

[synaesthesia]

[Gatt]

Another Independance Day one

 

Jeff Goldblum: "Upload Virus.."

 

Computer: "This operation has been cancelled due to restrictions in effect on this computer."

[p858snake]

"Your password can not exceed 8 characters"