[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

Link:

 

 

*Approximately.

[zedster]

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked the Enigma codes.Less well known is his sister, Kay, who provided the food and drinks for his team.

[6Foot2]

Link:

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]63255[/ATTACH]

 

*Approximately.

 

You could express √666 as 3√74: That would be a(b)surd.

 

[Ditto]

You could express √666 as 3√74: That would be a(b)surd.

 

Ooo'err - mathematical humour! It's cool, but not unreal man

[mikeprice]

Have you been forced to walk 500 miles?

 

Were you advised to walk 500 miles more?

 

If so, we can help you get compensation!

 

Call the Pro-Claimers now!

[hardtailstar]

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked the Enigma codes.Less well known is his sister, Kay, who provided the food and drinks for his team.

Literally spent 10 minutes working that one out.....

[6Foot2]

Literally spent 10 minutes decoding that one.....

[StevieM]

Literally spent 10 minutes working that one out.....

That's what Alan Turing said!

[mikeprice]

Just been reminded that the clocks have to go back later this month

 

 

 

which is a bit of a problem

 

because

 

I've been racking my brain but I just can't remember where I got them from!

[korifugi]

Just been reminded that the clocks have to go back later this month

 

 

 

which is a bit of a problem

 

because

 

I've been racking my brain but I just can't remember where I got them from!

 

Darn - I was only just looking at buying a clock, the chap said "Analogue?"

 

I replied "No, just the clock please".

[mikeprice]

Just been reminded that the clocks have to go back later this month

 

 

 

which is a bit of a problem

 

because

 

I've been racking my brain but I just can't remember where I got them from!

 

Just wondering - how many years have to go by before I can post that one again

[Ditto]

Just wondering - how many years have to go by before I can post that one again

 

Just one. The maths really isn't that difficult - once per year

at least until the clock changes are abandoned

[mikeprice]

Just one. The maths really isn't that difficult - once per year

at least until the clock changes are abandoned

 

What I mean - as I feel you well know

 

is how long before I can use it again and people will find it funny

 

rather than rolling their eyes and saying I used that one last year

 

 

 

of course - 'some' mods may roll their eyes anyway

(which is totally unnecessary - I have a wife for that!!!)

 

and I may be assuming a lot in using the word funny

[mikeprice]

I'm getting really worried about the staffing problems at the local hospitals

 

I know they have problems with Covid and stress and everything but I think they are dropping standards too much

 

there was a sign outside the nearest hospital that said

 

 

THIEVES MAY BE OPERATING IN THIS AREA

[mikeprice]

The phone rang a while ago

 

I answered it and a bloke on the other end shouted

 

I'M FREEZING!!!!

 

 

I'm just getting sick of the cold callers

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Olaf Falafel Picture Tweet]

 

After Jeremy has paid for his meal…

 

[Protec]

When I heard of onion routing I started crying

[mikeprice]

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

 

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

 

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

 

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

 

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted"

 

Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

 

Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

 

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

 

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

 

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

 

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

 

He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

 

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

 

Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.......

 

I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."

 

- - - Updated - - -

 

Link:

[Olaf Falafel Picture Tweet]

 

 

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]63408[/ATTACH]

 

That one took me a while!!

[6Foot2]

...That one took me a while!!

...to digest!

 

[6Foot2]

Once upon a time, there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.

 

He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler!

[hardtailstar]

.......

[mikeprice]

I started a sideline selling budgies

 

I have an aviary in the garden to keep them in

 

The ones at the bottom are the least expensive - they are going cheap

 

the ones on the top can be paid for in instalments

they are on higher perches

[StevieM]

The ones at the bottom are the least expensive - they are going cheap

Don't all budgies go 'cheep'?

[hardtailstar]

Don't all budgies go 'cheep'?

Completely free if you're smuggling them....

[StevieM]

Completely free if you're smuggling them....

 

Make the...nasty...images...go...away!!