oalcock Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Next door neighbour! 80 year old old lady who I have a lot of respect for, I have taken her down to the shops in the past, brought her shopping, I have cleaned all her front and back yard with the pressure washer, fixed her phone line when it stopped working and much more. This weekend, she barged open my back gate and told me to get rid of my horrible, ugly, discusting chimanea. This chimanea she can't actually see unless she looks over the wall as its 7foot high, and not only that; it's at the other side of my extention. Do you think I should respect the elderly and get rid of it (being respectful even further to the elderly), or leave it there and continue to be not on good terms with her? I never light the chimanea; I only have it for decoration and seriously there is no way she can see it unless she gets something to stand on and looks over the wall.
rad Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 sod her, its your garden, you do what you like. She was probably having a "what can I moan at next" day. What next, you paint your house green to blend in with the grass.
localzuk Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I'd say this is one of those situations where you need to talk to her, and tell her that you're happy to continue helping her, etc... but you're not going to be pushed into changing your own life and property to suit her desires. ie. there are boundaries.
woodham Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 to be honest It's on your property it's behind a fence, and it's got sweet f-all to do with her you have shown her great respect and kindness by helping her with cleaning/shopping but the line is crossed the first time someone barges in uninvited. I would with the deepest respect tell her to do-one.
oalcock Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) She says she is trying to do me a favour and make my garden look nicer. I have a very nice garden, I always maintain it. Edited April 11, 2011 by oalcock 1
webman Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Thank her for her suggestion, but re-inforce that it's your garden, you like it, and intend to keep it the way it is. 1
beeswax Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Ah, Burnley. Cobbled streets, terraced houses, Turf Moor, Harry Potts, the Jimmys McIlroy and Adamson, Brylcreem, Last Tango in Padiham, jumpers for keeping the cold out. I agree with webman. It's a very tricky situation dealing with neighbours, and things can escalate if not handled carefully. You're a good neighbour, remember that, and may we all live to be 80.
tech_guy Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Bear in mind she may, at 80, be suffering from alzheimers or the start of it, and she was having one of her less rational days. I've got a great aunt in her eighties. One day you phone her up and she's her usual self. The next time she doesn't know who you are and tells you to **** off which is rather unsettling at times coming as it does from an octogenarian...! Failing that she's probably just a sour old biddy and it's none of her business. I'd paint it bright pink and stick it on your front lawn.
FN-GM Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Bear in mind she may, at 80, be suffering from alzheimers or the start of it, and she was having one of her less rational days. I've got a great aunt in her eighties. One day you phone her up and she's her usual self. The next time she doesn't know who you are and tells you to **** off which is rather unsettling at times coming as it does from an octogenarian...! Failing that she's probably just a sour old biddy and it's none of her business. I'd paint it bright pink and stick it on your front lawn. My nan is the same. The other say she was asking me when i am due to leave school then asking me why i am not doing national service.
AMLinington Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Wow! OMG! I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour from a neighbour. I think you've gone above and beyond in helping her but I concur with other posters - there is a line and she crossed it! Big style! When you help her, is it because she specifically asked you to or did you offer because she was moaning about it in the sort of way that suggests that she hopes if she moans enough someone will do it? I would say if you offered to help her to stop her moaning I'd not bother offering to help. Or supply her with details of a local business she can pay to do the work for her. It is likely she will then want to know why you won't help her. I would then explain to her that her behaviour offended you and you felt that your right to privacy in your own garden has been infringed because you feel uncomfortable that she has spied on you. I would explain that you like the Chimnea and as it is ornamental only her comments serve only to hurt you (do you use it as a planter at all - that would 'prove' it has no 'antisocial' use?) and to that end you will no longer be offering your assistance to her. That's certainly how I would approach the situation if it were me. Don't let this woman walk all over you! From a legal standpoint there is nothing she can do even if she claims you burn noxious rubbish (which you've said you don't do as you don't burn anything at all in it) as she would need to prove it and would have to call environmental health when you are burning noxious rubbish so they can measure the 'fumes'. If it is ornamental she won't have a leg to stand on... A.
oalcock Posted April 11, 2011 Author Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) It doesn't bother her from an environmental health issue side of things, it isn't just this! I was working on my house one day inside, with the front door open knocking down a wall and she just came in because she could see I was doing the house up, and said I was stupid for knocking down the wall. It could either be jelousy or she has a mental problem. (this is a partition wall by the way that divided my hallway with my lounge). Edited April 11, 2011 by oalcock
Hightower Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 It doesn't bother her from an environmental health issue side of things, it isn't just this! I was working on my house one day inside, with the front door open knocking down a wall and she just came in because she could see I was doing the house up, and said I was stupid for knocking down the wall. It could either be jelousy or she has a mental problem. (this is a partition wall by the way that divided my hallway with my lounge). I think you're being too nice about it. How would she react if you just walked into her house uninvited. This is not the 80's anymore (1880's I mean ) - she needs putting in her place.
teejay Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Take up naturism at home, that'll stop her barging in. On second thoughts, she might think it's a good idea and join you....
MK-2 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Take up naturism at home, that'll stop her barging in. On second thoughts, she might think it's a good idea and join you.... so you're saying it's a win win situation? 1
Guest Guest Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Seriously, whats she gunna do about it? Just ignore the bitter old... Either that or play games with her; "Its not a chimanea, its the chimney for my air raid shelter. Wheres your air raid shelter? You have stocked up on baked beans haven't you, Ze Germans are coming...!"
witch Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I can see it is irritating but honestly, what can she do? She is obviously someone who feels able to state her opinion of anything and everything and she believes that she has the right to do this. Whether this is is old age - not dementia - but just the old getting grumpy and believing that they can do what they like - or just her character - doesn't REALLY matter. Just listen, smile sweetly, say something like - 'I see what you mean' or 'Interesting point' and then just do exactly what you like. There is no need to get aggressive or rude yourself (NB - why would an octogenarian swearing be odd - they were young once, lived through the war, the cold war and goodness knows what else - they are normal people like you or me - why would they stop swearing when they get old?)
SYNACK Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Seriously, whats she gunna do about it? Just ignore the bitter old... Either that or play games with her; "Its not a chimanea, its the chimney for my air raid shelter. Wheres your air raid shelter? You have stocked up on baked beans haven't you, Ze Germans are coming...!" Or the disguised periscope for you burried submarine. Seriously though just ignore it politely but put bounds on stuff that is unacceptable like her barging in, do it politely though as she probably just got a little confused as to where the bounds are.
srochford Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 This is what I love about edugeek - the sheer bile and hatred that pours out over the most trivial of things. I don't know the old women concerned but I've known other old people who pretty much say random things which can come across as being offensive or intrusive and are best dealt with by offering them a cup of tea and a biscuit to distract them. I could of course be completely wrong and maybe this woman is a complete psycho about to take an axe to the OP but wouldn't it be nice to give her the benefit of the doubt? (Oh, no - I'd guess not; this is Edugeek after all!) 2
localzuk Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 I don't know the old women concerned but I've known other old people who pretty much say random things which can come across as being offensive or intrusive and are best dealt with by offering them a cup of tea and a biscuit to distract them. Hmm... the Scrubs 'spoonful of peanut butter' method of calming people. It may be crazy, but it just might work!
Guest Guest Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Location: London I don't know the old women concerned but I've known other old people who pretty much say random things which can come across as being offensive or intrusive and are best dealt with by offering them a cup of tea and a biscuit to distract them. Don't be so hypocritical, I bet you've never said more than a grunt to someone you don't know!
DAZZD88 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 This is what I love about edugeek - the sheer bile and hatred that pours out over the most trivial of things. I don't know the old women concerned but I've known other old people who pretty much say random things which can come across as being offensive or intrusive and are best dealt with by offering them a cup of tea and a biscuit to distract them. I could of course be completely wrong and maybe this woman is a complete psycho about to take an axe to the OP but wouldn't it be nice to give her the benefit of the doubt? (Oh, no - I'd guess not; this is Edugeek after all!) I think the OP was more concerned with the way the old dear put her point across.
witch Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Well I didn't pour out bile and hatred - I was quite reasonable, I think..oh yes, I got ignored. Some of you really need to chill out - we will all be old one day, IF we are lucky!
localzuk Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Well I didn't pour out bile and hatred - I was quite reasonable, I think..oh yes, I got ignored. Some of you really need to chill out - we will all be old one day, IF we are lucky! Agreed. There are a good number of internet tough guys floating about. Life's too short to be angry all the time. Be like me instead, belligerently obstinate.
MK-2 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Be like me instead, belligerently obstinate. you forgot modest...........
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