Tesla Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 I mean heck i dont even have a computer at home, or a laptop at work.... so stitch those two sob stories together and there's something there . 1
ICTDirect_Dave Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 But then I am sort of retired so it isn't a work machine Don't you do some volunteer work for a local museum now? Pretty sure that gets you entry 1
mikeprice Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Don't you do some volunteer work for a local museum now? Pretty sure that gets you entry Yeah - been fixing stuff and generally doing stuff but I take my own laptop and don'y use normal site computers although I have 'discovered' a load of old desktops, monitors, keyboarsd etc etc (and old apple things - spit) in cupboards and cabinets that the education people want for storage apparently they are 'all needed just in case and for spare parts' hmmm - the "guy in charge" of the "site, IT and everything else non customer/kid related" - seems to be even worse than me - and he has had a whole building and 30 years to 'keep stuff in case I need it in a while" I am also supposed to be helping a guy with 'lots of problems' get back into the work habit by doing a complete audit of IT equipment - used and 'stored' - in the whole building anyway - less moaning how do I get a new computer?????
ICTDirect_Dave Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 how do I get a new computer????? Rules in the OP, your place of work in this case is the museum 1
mikeprice Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Rules in the OP, your place of work in this case is the museum What do you mean - I have to read the stuff that you posted????? I am a qualified teacher you know!!!!! p.s. shhh - don't tell anyone 4
DJ-1701 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 how do I get a new computer????? Rules in the OP, your place of work in this case is the museum That's a point, couldn't he get a new home computer as be belongs in a museum? *ducks* 2
ICTDirect_Dave Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 That's a point, couldn't he get a new home computer as be belongs in a museum? *ducks* Naughty!!! How about you, Sir? I don't think you've entered yet have you? 1
Popular Post LeMarchand Posted November 7, 2018 Popular Post Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) A CHRISTMAS TRAVAIL or The Tale of Three PCs by M. LeMarchand With apologies to Mr. Dickens Author's Note: While this is a work of fiction, rest assured that the terrible visages of the computers that haunt our hero are all too real, and they are still in use (if such can truly be held to be an accurate description) to this very day. Stave one It was a cold, bleak, Christmas week but all the staff were in good cheer for soon they would be enjoying the company of their families and friends while celebrating the birth of Christ Our Lord (though most of them would vehemently argue that this was no longer the purpose of the holiday). All the staff, that is, save one. In his unheated office, The Technician shivered as he waited for his PC to finish opening its browser. He heard the merry voices of the staff and children discussing the break that would soon be upon the school as they passed his room and muttered under his breath, "Christmas! Bah! Humbug! I'll be lucky if this browser opens by then!" In the warmth of the Staffroom, the teachers scoffed the finest handcrafted artisanal mince pies and chatted amongst themselves. "Did you hear the technician claim that his work rate was slow because his computer is too old?” asked one. "Doesn't he know that he'll have to make do?" opined another. "After all, he has no clear teaching and learning need to have money spent. I, on the other hand, need plenty of glitter and tinsel to decorate my classroom." They all chortled merrily. "Derp!" said the P.E. teacher. Late that night The Technician shivered in his bed, wondering how he would get his work done in time to allow him to spend some of the upcoming festivities with his loved ones. In the darkest corner of the room, he espied a strange shadow stirring. Terrified, he buried himself beneath his duvet for, as we are all well aware, if YOU cannot see IT then IT cannot see YOU. Alas, this saw proved to be untrue, for he soon heard a polite but insistent coughing from that fated corner. Scrunching up his courage, The Technician poked his head out from the duvet and slowly opened his eyes just the tiniest slit. Before him stood what appeared to be a man dressed in dark trousers and a blue fleece top with the words "ICT Direct" embroidered upon the breast, but The Technician could plain see the pattern of the wallpaper on the wall behind this apparition through the man’s ghostly form. “Please, stranger!” begged The Technician, “I have done no wrong. Let me be!” “Nay,” spoke the phantom. “Three visions will there appear to you this night, and you must heed their warnings - or be forever cursed to struggle as you do today until you expire.” With these words, the room seemed to shake as if it were a snow globe shaken by an excited child. The Technician scrunched his eyes tight shut again and prayed that he would soon awaken from this nightmare. ...more to come when/if I have time - though you can probably guess where this is going! Edited November 7, 2018 by LeMarchand Missing indefinitive article and other errors in grammar 12
DalekSec Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 I've read one line and started to laugh, going to have to wait till i'm home to read this! 1
ICTDirect_Dave Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 A CHRISTMAS TRAVAIL YES!!!!! This one is going on the wall of awesome stuff that comes from this thread! Bonus entry offered upon completion of the story 1
smurfomatic Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Shame this thread wasn't started a while ago, while I was still using the years old Toshiba Satellite C660 that would only switch on by shorting two wires together fitted in place of the power button... 1
mikeprice Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 That's a point, couldn't he get a new home computer as be belongs in a museum? *ducks* WHAT!!!! I go off to sort some stuff out and cook tea and I come back to this!!! I mean WHAT Thinks that just 'cos he can travel in time and change sex on occasion he can be errr - accurate??? anyway - I'm not retired - I just couldn't be bothered working anymore - IT IS NOT THE SAME THING and I am still waiting for my wife to point out that Idris Elba being voted 'sexiest men" is a total travesty :ban::ban::ban::ban: 4
mikeprice Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 and anyway am I allowed to point out that I am younger than some mods?? no Ok thought not 2
bald_pig Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 "Derp!" said the P.E. teacher. I absolutely lost my s**t at this line! 4
ICTDirect_Dave Posted November 8, 2018 Author Posted November 8, 2018 Shame this thread wasn't started a while ago, while I was still using the years old Toshiba Satellite C660 that would only switch on by shorting two wires together fitted in place of the power button... Doesn't mean you can't try and make a case for yourself with your new kit. Even @Joanne is trying her luck am I allowed to point out that I am younger than some mods?? You can try... I absolutely lost my s**t at this line! Me too! Best line in the whole thing. 1
Dos_Box Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 and anyway am I allowed to point out that I am younger than some mods?? no Ok thought not Only if you point it out very politely and tactfully. 1
bald_pig Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 (edited) Right, I guess it's time to confess to my dirty little secret... I have a work laptop. It was unwanted. I had no choice. Nobody else wanted it. So I took it. I made it my own. It struggled, but we struggled together. A bond formed, we grew close. To others, it was a castoff. To me, it was a useful tool. But nobody appreciated it, so it remained a secret, hidden away until it was necessary, at which point I'd sneak it to where I needed it. Until now. Now I will unleash it upon the world, free from judgement and nasty remarks, and anything you say won't make me think any differently of it. Here is my netbook, it's a Samsung NC10, released in 2008, packing an Atom N270 processor, and packed with a whopping 2Gb of DDR2 RAM (it's maximum upgradable capacity!) It will get the job done. Eventually. Usually. We had a lot of dead ones. This was what was made of those remains. How it still functions is anybodies guess, but it does run Windows 10 (32bit only). It doesn't run it well, but who cares, right? It still has the original 160Gb HDD, because it only has SATA 1, so any SSD that goes near it would only have a quarter of the speed, plus nobody wants to spend money for an SSD for a netbook. Edited November 8, 2018 by bald_pig fixed images
Popular Post DJ-1701 Posted November 8, 2018 Popular Post Posted November 8, 2018 Well, first of all... here is my machine... Now, without further ado... and no apologies to the amazing Freddie Mercury, who will probably be [rock and] rolling in his grave... I sing you all a song... [Plays the tune to Bohemian Rhapsody] This is a real strife... LT lives in a fantasy... Stuck with an etch-a-sketch, no explaining reality... Open the budget, look upon this tech and see… I'm just a poor boy, I need some sympathy, Because I'm hard at work, sleepy too, caffeine high, go, go, go! Every way the calls go, always really matter to me, to me. [Verse 1] Aha, rebooted the LAN! 'That was fun' I just said, that's sarcasm, let's blame Fred. Tada, computer's just begun- To boot but now it's doing updates! Computer, ooh, did you mean to make me cry? If you've not rebooted this time tomorrow, Carry on, carry on as if IT Support even matters. [Verse 2] So late, home time has come… The clock begins to chime, still moaning users… At this time?! Goodbye, slow computer, I've got to go… Got an appointment that’s enshrined to faceplant the wall. Brother, ooh, (Come on Windows...) I really must ask why… Do most users never bother logging a call… [Guitar Solo] [Verse 3] I see a little silhouetto of a man… ICT Direct? Is that Dave? Please give me an upgrade! Thunderbolt and USB3, very, very pleasing me. (DeeJay) DeeJay, (DeeJay) DeeJay, DeeJay wake up now! I'm just a poor tech, nobody loves me. He's just a poor tech from a poor department. Spare him some tech to end this monstrosity. Does it run? Does it go? Will you work right now? Computer! No, we will not work right now. (work right now!) Computer! We will not work right now. (work right now!) Computer! We will not work right now. (work right now) Will not work right now. (work right now) Will not work right now. (work right now) Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (Oh mamma mia, mamma mia) Mamma mia, hear we go Beelz-e-bot had this PC put aside for me, for me, for me! [Verse 4] So you think I can work with 100% CPU usage? So you think I can work with a 386 and leave me to cry? Oh, techies, can't do this to me, techies! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here! [Guitar Solo] [Outro] Speed really matters, everyone can see Speed really matters Speed really matters to me Come on ruddy Windows… Poster maybe overreacting... also maybe running a refurbished 2nd Gen i5, 500GB HDD with Intel on-board graphics and a single damaged monitor. 13
mitchell1981 Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 Really hoping I can win this. I'm beginning to struggle with my current workstation. Specs: 2mb Chip Ram, 16mb Fast Ram, 68040 processor (I know pic shows 68030, but I upgraded it), CD-Rom, High Density Floppy Drive, 4GB HDD, Recently upgraded to TFT monitor! Running Hyper-V in 18mb of memory is a bit of a struggle, so any upgrade would be welcome. 3
ICTDirect_Dave Posted November 8, 2018 Author Posted November 8, 2018 [Plays the tune to Bohemian Rhapsody] This is a real strife... LT lives in a fantasy... If I could Rep you more, I would! Bonus entry, Sir! 2
Boredguy Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 Don't encourage him Dave, he still has a better PC than me 1
DalekSec Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 Verse 3 made me pee myself.. not gonna lie. 2
sonofsanta Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 *thinks and plots and photoshops* Er, unrelated, any hi-res photos of you lying around, Dave? No reason... "Derp!" said the P.E. teacher. Brilliant. The whole thing was brilliant, but this was especially so. 2
DalekSec Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 Don't be jealous of my amazing photoshop skills 3
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