[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[mikeprice]

I am having trouble talking

 

I think I have strained my voice

 

serves me right for shouting through a sieve

[mikeprice]

..........

[mikeprice]

I cut myself shredding cheese. I wanted to blame someone else, but then I remembered...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With grate power comes grate responsibility.

[mikeprice]

Made a curry for my children tonight but they wouldn't eat it because I put ginger in it.

They really loved that cat.

 

 

 

 

 

My neighbour said her cat needed chipped.

I only had a nine iron but still managed to get it over the fence.

[mikeprice]

This one cursory of the oldest grandkid

 

 

They were reading a book in class at school and the word "gullible" came up

 

SOmeone asked the teacher what gullible meant

 

she replied "The meaning is written on the ceiling"

 

Nearly every child immediately looked up

 

I think I like that teacher!!!

 

 

(grand daughter claims she was not one of the ones who looked up as she already knew what it meant!!!)

[mikeprice]

I was watching Australian Master Chef last night, some bloke made a meringue and everybody cheered.

 

I thought, that's odd, normally in Australia they boo meringue.

[mikeprice]

 

 

AKA - the one and only recorded instance where a user read the error message on a printer

[mikeprice]

Booked a team of Star Wars impersonators for my birthday

 

really looking forward to it

 

At the last minute they had to cancel

 

apparently their people carrier has broken down

 

 

 

 

 

all I know is that they are in a Galaxy far far away

[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/SlenderSherbet/status/1666903083756969987 [Text Reply To A Video Tweet]

 

 

Click the link above for the video.

 

🦉

[6Foot2]

A present from 6Foot4 for Father's Day:

 

 

[6Foot2]

 

🦕

[Jawloms]

 

......

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Picture Tweet]

 

It’s so hot today, I’ve had to stand in the shade for a while…

 

[6Foot2]

The distance between rungs on ladders has increased over time to accommodate the taller population.

 

This is known as "climb it change."

[dcwhitworth]

Link:

[Picture Tweet]

 

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]69303[/ATTACH]

 

Would you say you feel enlightened ?

[6Foot2]

Would you say you feel enlightened ?

 

Not really. In truth, I'd like another shade, then I could have a foot in both lamps.

[HarryMonkey]

 

------

[dcwhitworth]

Not really. In truth, I'd like another shade, then I could have a foot in both lamps.

 

Ah, so you want to be able to flex ?

[6Foot2]

Ah, so you want to be able to flex ?

 

Quite so. After all, even the best shade plans can go awry.

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Text ReplyTo A Picture Tweet]

 

I don't use Linux, so I'm not bothered.

 

 

[JMSJ]

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him..

 

That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

[dcwhitworth]

Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him..

 

That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

 

Did you then discover he was a blacksmith when he made a bolt for the gates ?

[hallb15]

The old ones are the best...

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Video Tweet]

 

Who have Maidenhead United got on the 12th August?

 

Click the link above for the video.

 

* 16 seconds to the "reveal"

 

[GrumbleDook]

The old ones are the best...

 

That's no way to talk about @dcwhitworth ;-)