6Foot2 Posted July 10, 2019 Author Posted July 10, 2019 Link: [David Baddiel Text Tweet] My daughter, a vegan, makes stuff using Tempah. But she tends to use quite small amounts. Without fail, when she appears with the plate, I say: "That's just Tiny Tempah." This is a dad joke I can't stop. Any help appreciated.
6Foot2 Posted July 12, 2019 Author Posted July 12, 2019 Left my phone under my pillow last night and when I woke up the phone was gone, and in its place was a pound coin. I think I was visited by the Bluetooth fairy!
HarryMonkey Posted July 16, 2019 Posted July 16, 2019 The man who invented the word search has died. His funeral will be held next... T T I S P V G K M P H J G U O N Q U X N M O N D A Y W Z B A T K T E N O P G H C V N K O T D I M 1
6Foot2 Posted July 19, 2019 Author Posted July 19, 2019 Just bought a really expensive barge pole. I thought, if push the boat out... 1
6Foot2 Posted July 26, 2019 Author Posted July 26, 2019 A good friend was always late. His doctor told him to sleep in a herb garden. Sounds odd, I know, but now he can wake up on thyme.
mikeprice Posted July 27, 2019 Posted July 27, 2019 It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. 1
6Foot2 Posted August 8, 2019 Author Posted August 8, 2019 Link: [Text Tweet] Visited the birthplace of the man who invented the toothbrush. There’s no plaque.
6Foot2 Posted August 9, 2019 Author Posted August 9, 2019 I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, blackcurrants, and apples. They didn’t have any. It was a fruitless trip.
HarryMonkey Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 (edited) Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis , and Arnold Schwarzenegger are making a movie about classical composers. Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be Mozart " Bruce Willis , "So.. I'll be Beethoven." Schwarzenegger announced , "in that case.. I'll be Bach ." It's National Tell A Joke Day Edited August 16, 2019 by HarryMonkey 3
mikeprice Posted August 16, 2019 Posted August 16, 2019 Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis , and Arnold Schwarzenegger are making a movie about classical composers. Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be Mozart " Bruce Willis , "So.. I'll be Beethoven." Schwarzenegger announced , "in that case.. I'll be Bach ." It's National Tell A Joke Day Weak excuse tears rolling down cheeks from laughing though
HTCPCP Posted August 19, 2019 Posted August 19, 2019 A man walks into a seafood store carrying a trout under his arm. “Do you make fish cakes?” he asked. “Yes, we do,” replied the fishmonger. “Great,” said the man. “It’s his birthday.” 3
HarryMonkey Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I've accidentally swallowed the cats tablets... Don't ask me-ow! 1
6Foot2 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 I had a book on anti-gravity. It was a great read - I just couldn't put it down. If a man is addicted to drinking brake fluid can he stop any time he wants? 1
3s-gtech Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 If a man is addicted to drinking brake fluid can he stop any time he wants? Yes, but only when pressured into doing so [emoji851] 1
6Foot2 Posted October 4, 2019 Author Posted October 4, 2019 Abolish lollipop men and women outside schools! They make the kids cross! 1
mikeprice Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 I had a really good joke about lollipops I can't quite remember it really annoying - it is on the tip of my tongue - - - Updated - - - I had a really good joke about lollipops I can't quite remember it really annoying - it is on the tip of my tongue 1
mrstrong Posted October 4, 2019 Posted October 4, 2019 Our lollipop lady has just reported finding a large hole in the road... The police are looking into it. 2
HarryMonkey Posted October 9, 2019 Posted October 9, 2019 Not sure if this a wind up. I have just received a call saying I have won either £200.00 or tickets to see an Elvis tribute act. It said press 1 for the money or 2 for the show. 2
6Foot2 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Posted October 11, 2019 I was offered a radio without batteries. I think it’s a wind up.
robyholmes Posted October 11, 2019 Posted October 11, 2019 I was offered a radio with a knob missing. I just couldn't turn it down.
6Foot2 Posted October 11, 2019 Author Posted October 11, 2019 I just heard Placebo on the radio. Now I am so confused because I thought it was The Cure.
HarryMonkey Posted October 14, 2019 Posted October 14, 2019 A little boy was walking down the road eating a chocolate. A man came over and said, "Son, eating chocolates is bad for your health." The boy replied, "Do you know, my Grandpa lived to be 105 years old." "By eating chocolates?" the man asked. "No, by minding his own business!"
HarryMonkey Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Me: What's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a Coke. Barman: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure, how much is that? Barman: £3. Me: There you go. So what's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase! 2
mikeprice Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Me: What's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a Coke. Barman: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure, how much is that? Barman: £3. Me: There you go. So what's the Wi-Fi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase! If I ever buy a pub that's the wifi password sorted!!
6Foot2 Posted October 22, 2019 Author Posted October 22, 2019 Our local has its Wi-Fi password as: 244466666, so when someone asks, they say it is 123456. 4
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