[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[DJ-1701]

I took a course on Apicology.

 

I got a Bee.

 

 

Isn't that a high brow version of this

 

Did you know there is a GCSE Honey Farming course? I got a B in it...

 

[6Foot2]

Isn't that a high brow version of this

 

 

 

 

Quite so. I did a search but didn't find a match. Sorry about that. My version now removed.

 

[DJ-1701]

Quite so. I did a search but didn't find a match. Sorry about that. My version now removed.

 

 

I put it down to great minds think alike.

[korifugi]

This could go in one of many threads...

[ATTACH]36747[/ATTACH]

[korifugi]

Today's Penguin joke:

 

Q: How does a Penguin build it's house?

A: Igloos it together

[6Foot2]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

[tinca492]

There were these two cows in a field.

 

One goes MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

The other one goes "Oooooh I was going to say that"

[mikkydoos]

WWII.

 

Two soldiers alone in the desert....

 

They've been there for days... No food... No water...

 

They're at deaths door collapsed at the bottom of a dune when the first soldier says... "I can smell bacon! We're saved, we're saved!"

 

Second soldier says... "It must be a mirage. How can you smell bacon! We're done for! You can't smell a mirage! You're going mad!..... Hang on a minute! I can smell bacon!"

 

They both scramble to the top of the dune and down below they see a tree covered in bacon, pork chops, sausages, spam.....

 

 

"A bacon tree! A bacon tree! A bacon tree!"

 

 

The first soldier runs towards it and BANG!.. A gun goes off and shoots him in the chest.

 

The other runs down to save him.

 

With his last breath the dying soldier says... "Stop! Stop! Don't come any closer!.... Its not a bacon tree!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a Hambush!

[Oaktech]

WWII.

 

Two soldiers alone in the desert....

 

They've been there for days... No food... No water...

 

They're at deaths door collapsed at the bottom of a dune when the first soldier says... "I can smell bacon! We're saved, we're saved!"

 

Second soldier says... "It must be a mirage. How can you smell bacon! We're done for! You can't smell a mirage! You're going mad!..... Hang on a minute! I can smell bacon!"

 

They both scramble to the top of the dune and down below they see a tree covered in bacon, pork chops, sausages, spam.....

 

 

"A bacon tree! A bacon tree! A bacon tree!"

 

 

The first soldier runs towards it and BANG!.. A gun goes off and shoots him in the chest.

 

The other runs down to save him.

 

With his last breath the dying soldier says... "Stop! Stop! Don't come any closer!.... Its not a bacon tree!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a Hambush!

 

 

You, get out...

[6Foot2]

[6Foot2]

 

Wrong, on so many levels!

 

 

Link:

[korifugi]

Aaand now we're back - today's Penguin joke (stop groaning in the back, there!)

 

 

Q: Who is a penguin's favourite family member?

 

A: Aunt Arctica.

[6Foot2]

I don't often tell Dad jokes, but when I do he laughs.

 

[6Foot2]

Link: https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/890639918111744002 [Twitter Picture]

 

I found a copy of Sheryl Crow's calendar. Fascinating

 

[jdoyle]

 

Wrong, on so many levels!

 

 

Link:

 

that's the spirit.

[6Foot2]

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.

 

She seemed surprised.

 

[6Foot2]

Link:

[Harrison Ford Tweet]

 

A little Star Wars fun for you:

 

"I think C-3PO is a stand-up guy

 

Why?

 

BECAUSE HIS KNEES DON'T BEND"

[smurfomatic]

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

 

Because he couldn't see that well.

[6Foot2]

What do you call a man with a wooden head? Edward.

 

What do you call a man with three wooden heads? Edward Woodward.

 

What do you call a man with four wooden heads? I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

What do you call a man with a map on his head? Miles.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

What do you call a man who is there whenever you need him? Andy.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

What do you call 2 men in the window? Curt and Rod.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

What do you call a girl with a sunlamp on her head? Tanya.

 

[jdoyle]

what do you call the navigator of a large passenger ship?

TomTom Cruise

 

[GrumbleDook]

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

 

Sister Matic

[6Foot2]

What do you call a teacher with no arms, no legs, and no body?

 

The head.

 

[6Foot2]

A Brexit-based joke:

 

Link: https://twitter.com/CharlieForJack/status/902668298143313920

 

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into the bar. The Englishman wants to leave, so they all have to.

 

And as always, everyone forgot about the Welshman.

[smurfomatic]

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

 

Doug

 

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?

 

Douglas

[jdoyle]

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

 

Doug

 

What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?

 

Douglas

 

I kinda dig those jokes but it's hard to pick the favourite