[joke] Silly jokes

[korifugi]

Never annoy a Panda with a rifle and a packed lunch - as he eats shoots & leaves

[unixman_again]

Grrr why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way! Dammit I mean a usb stick.

 

Courtesy of Sickipedia.org

[howartp]

Grrr why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way! Dammit I mean a usb stick.

That took me a while!

[Gatt]

I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

[Ephelyon]

Shouldn't that be 1023?

[Gatt]

Shouldn't that be 1023?

Nope that would be a MebiByte / GibiByte then

 

Gibibyte - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Gigabyte - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Ephelyon]

I like the cut of your gib, young fellow me lad! =]

[fairm010]

What do you call a Deer with no eyes? - No ideer

What do you call a Deer with no eyes and no legs? - Still no ideer

What do you call a Deer with no eyes, no legs and no gentleman's sausage? - Still no f***kng ideer!

 

Whats brown and sticky?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A stick

[Ketlane]

What has six legs and if it fell from a tree it would kill you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snooker table

[LeightonJames]

What's black and white and red all over?

 

A newspaper.

 

 

What wobbles as it flies?

 

A Jellycopter.

[witch]

Why are elephants so wrinkled?

 

Have you ever tried to iron one?

[Mako]

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.

 

What do you call a woman with a radiator on her head?

Anita.

 

What do you call an outlaw with no legs?

A low down bum.

 

What do you call an outlaw with no legs who fell off his horse?

A dirty low down bum.

 

Two fish in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?".

 

Two soldiers in a tank. They drown.

 

 

 

Why did you start this thread.... send help.

Edited April 29, 2015 by Mako

[unixman_again]

What do you call a man hiding under a pile of leaves?

Russell.

 

What do you call a man, with no arms and legs, in a swimming pool?

Bob.

 

What do you call a man, with a rabbit up his bum?

Warren.

[HarryMonkey]

The man who invented predictive text has just died.

 

His funfair will be hello on sundial.

 

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A Roman walks into a bar holds up two fingers and shouts "Five beers please"

 

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I took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make him move faster.

 

If anything it's just made him more sluggish

[Mako]

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug

 

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?

Douglas

 

A man is invited to a fancy dress party. He turns up at the door, completely naked, with a naked woman on his back. A bloke on the door stops him.

"Whoa, you can't come in here like that!"

"Why not? This is my costume. I'm a turtle", he points to the woman on his back, "This is Michelle".

 

This week's bestsellers on Amazon:

5. "Infidelity" by Lucy Lastic

4. "Nightly Incontinence" by Rusty Bedsprings

3. "Tablets for Beginners" by Anne Droid

2. "Being Prepared" by Justin Case

1. "Baby's Revenge" by Nora Titoff

[LeightonJames]

What do you call a man with a rabbit in his trousers?

 

Warren.

 

 

What do you call a woman who burns her bills?

 

Bernadette.

 

 

What did the policeman say to his stomach.

 

You're under a vest.

 

Teacher says to class, "Can anyone give me a Sentence with the letter I in?"

Little Jonny stands up and says "I is.."

"No Jonny" interrupts the teacher. "It is always I am not I is."

"Ok," replies Jonny "I is the 9th letter of the Alphabet"

[pcstru]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

[LeMarchand]

Which wine do the Beastie Boys prefer with steak?

 

They like a Shiraz Pinotage.

They like a Shiraz Pinotage.

They like a Shiraz Pinotage.

They like a Shiraz Pinotage!

[Disease]

Have you read the book "The girl who fell from the window" by Ileene Dover?

 

What do you call a man with 2 Rain Coats on? - Max.

 

What do you call a man with 2 rain coats on in a graveyard? - Max Bygraves.

 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swims the English Channel? - Clever Dick

[Ketlane]

What did the slug say to the snail?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Big Issue?"

[network41]

How do you make a snooker table laugh

 

 

Put your hans in its pockets and tickle its balls

[Sagima]

What do you call two crows on a branch?

 

Attempted murder

[korifugi]

How do you make a Swiss Roll?

 

Push him down a hill

[tech_guy]

Why did the blonde die drinking milk?

The cow fell on her.

[sonofsanta]

Two monkeys in a bath.

 

One says, "ooh ooh aah aah AAH!"

 

The other one says, "well put some cold in then."