[joke] Silly jokes

[6Foot2]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

 

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter.

 

Link: Edinburgh Fringe: Mobile phone joke voted funniest - BBC News

[unixman_again]

What has eight eyes and eight legs?

 

Eight pirates.

[jinnantonnixx]

A magician was walking down the street when he suddenly turned into a shop.

[DJ-1701]

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking kind of sad... maybe I should let her in...

[6Foot2]

Saw a chap running down the street shouting "BNAG! BNAG!"

 

I thought "that's bang out of order"

 

Paraphrased from Tim Vine

 

Link:

[Twitter Picture]

 

Something shocking happened on Countdown earlier. It was bang out of order.

 

 

[6Foot2]

Joke on the wrapper of the Penguin just now:

 

Q: What do you call 500 penguins in Trafalgar Square?

A: Lost.

 

Mrs. P's Penguin wrapper:

 

Q: What's a penguin's favourite film?

A: Frozen.

[sparkeh]

Another cracker made up by my little girl:

 

"Daddy, what klnd of car does Paddington drive?"

 

"Dunno"

 

"A Lima-sine"

 

A congratulatory high five was delivered.

[korifugi]

Seen on the repository of timewasting known as Facebook:

 

How do you find how heavy a Chilli Pepper is?

 

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.

[DalekSec]

I stole a bunch of swimming inflatables at the weekend.

 

Don't tell anyone, i'm trying to lilo

[Foresthippy]

Jokes about white sugar are very rare, but jokes about brown sugar, demerara.

[fiza]

Jokes about white sugar are very rare, but jokes about brown sugar, demerara.

 

That made me smile. Thanks

[simonw]

Evans was sitting on the hill overlooking his seaside town. He was rather morose, talking to the sky and picking the petals off from daisies...

 

"See all those houses down there? I built every one of them, I did. Do they call me Evans the house builder? No they don't! And those boats in the harbour. All my work, they are, all my work! But they don't call me Evans the boat builder do they? No, not me! No-one else but me built the lighthouse or the harbour wall. And I'm not called Evans the harbour builder either! And I sh*g ONE sheep..........

[6Foot2]

What is around a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

 

A shoe.

[6Foot2]

...no idea what is wrong but I don't have time to fix it now so the lawn will have to stay half done until tomorrow

Pour alcohol on the lawn so that when it will always be half cut!