alexknight Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Every so often you get asked a question concernng I.T. Sometimes either the answer is not an easy one to convey, or heaven forbid, you cannot think of a reasonable explanation! So it would be a good idea to compile a list of handy explanations that will at worst baffle and at best make you look very I.T superior? I'll start the ball rolling, but remember, the explanation has to be technically correct. Q. Why is the system/network running slowly today? A. SIMS is requesting information and hence the MSDE is denegrating the batch process on the server. Alex
Netman Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Why does it have to be technically correct?!! Tell 'em anything - they won't have the first clue what you're talking about anyway! Sometimes it even comes back round to you via the staffroom which is hilarious. See BOFH archives! "Sunspots" is my favourite and yes it is actually based on scientific fact apparantly... Something about sunspots affecting the atmosphere which can cause memory chips to misbehave!!
alexknight Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 Have you a link to the BOFH archives? What does BOFH stand for? Sorry for my denseness. Thanks Alex
RobC Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 I sense the force is strong in this one... BOFH stands for Bastard Operator From Hell and is the creation of Simon Travaglia. It now resides at The Register and is usually updated on a Friday (although there hasn't been anything new for a couple of weeks. Hopefully another one along today!).
free4440273 Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 teacher to IT engineer: "why are the computers not working today?" IT engineer to teacher: "more to the point, why are *you* not working today [or any other day for that]?" too harsh??
MkII Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 A. SIMS is requesting information and hence the MSDE is denegrating the batch process on the server. somethings intefering with the smooth operation of the foofoo valve you mean?
MkII Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 teacher to IT engineer: "why are the computers not working today?" IT engineer to teacher: "more to the point, why are *you* not working today [or any other day for that]?" too harsh?? You're a teacher infiltrator really aren't you free4440273??
Mango_RW Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 its could also be the alternating diaphragnic progressantor or the keyliepunjanic ball spring backing plate.
Netman Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 The original BOFH archive is here http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html and is hilarious reading... much better than the newer stuff imho. Somewhere in there he has an excuse calandar and uses a different one for each day...
Netman Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 BTW... did you know that binary code has it's origins in the silk trade? It all came about from the invention of punched cards invented to enable weavers to put complicated patterns into silk.... Just my thought for the day!! So if anyone is bustin ya balls about ICT just say "It's a little known fact but..." and launch into the above... Alternatively start waxing lyrical on the subject of subnetting - that even makes other techs turn white and vanish!!
jcs808 Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 When asked why something isn't working I like using the "there's interference between the chair and the keyboard" one. Or when people are asking “how long till it’s fixed†I sometimes reply “it should start getting better in about 6 and a half minuetsâ€. (That’s how long it takes to boil our kettle and make a cup of tea). Getting back on topic. I usually just blame everything on server replication and start quoting TLAs. The PDC was having trouble interrogating the DNS which resulted in a TLO (Temporary Loss of Operations), but the FBM (Fixed By Magic) protocols kicked in and now we’re back up and running. Or having spent what seems like the best part of an hour listening to some “I.T. wiz†tell me what’s wrong with the system I use “I think you're on the right track here, sounds like an IDC (I Don’t Care) problem, I’ll look into itâ€.
theshirt Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 I often quote the problem as a ID ten T, user error: (write it down alpha numeric)
ajbritton Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Yep, I'm also a fan of the 'problem exists between keyboard and chair' or PEBKAC excuse.
ajbritton Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Best one ever though came from a manufacturer (I won't name). We bought a load of their wireles PC cards and proceeded to install them in Win98SE PCs (fully supported by manufacturers driver). Worked fine until we put WEP on then they would not correctly log on. If you bypassed the logon however (so that the shell loads and executes everything in HKLM\sw\ms\cv\run), WEP worked fine. When we reported this to the manufacturer support, their official response was that 'they did not anticipate that anyone would want to use their WIRELESS NETWORK CARD on a NETWORK)!!! We got it to work though!
GrumbleDook Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 From Acer ... "I'm sorry if the sticker on the case of the laptop that says 'ready for Windows NT' lead you to believe that you could install Windows NT on it. You can do but only if you have the laptop that is built for US distribution. We can make the minor change to the machine's hardware configuration (minor? They wanted to change the m/b and CPU) but only if you promise not to use it anywhere other than the US." So we stuck Windows 2000 Pro on instead.
mac_shinobi Posted October 22, 2005 Posted October 22, 2005 Q. Why is the system/network running slowly today? A. Cos some kid stuck a lead between 2 points and caused a broadcast storm to happen !!
E1uSiV3 Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Q. Why is the system/network running slowly today? A. Cos some kid stuck a lead between 2 points and caused a broadcast storm to happen !! Wouldnt work for me, damn you STP lol
SpuffMonkey Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 Yep, I'm also a fan of the 'problem exists between keyboard and chair' or PEBKAC excuse. Used to be PICNIC in my day - "problem in chair not in computer"
Furan Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Why is the network running slow today? Its not - its a new energy conservation programme i have installed - same results but just takes a bit longer - oh and we got it from RM with ELCs
IanB Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 If you have time to look up a website, you could use the tech excuse generator here for a truly BOFH response: http://www.strauss.za.com/sla/support.html Not that I've ever actually tried it with users ..... :twisted:
beeswax Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 Why is the network running slow today? are you standing on the cable? beeswax
kingswood Posted November 1, 2005 Posted November 1, 2005 Just looked at the site, and it said I had a: "Asynchronous, illegal parameter halt" What is that, and how do I get rid of it???? Paul
alexknight Posted November 1, 2005 Author Posted November 1, 2005 I don't think you can fix that one as in my opinion it is a extraneous, intermittant systems warning. Hope this helps ''
Sirbendy Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 We use ID 10 T frequently.. I opt for the honest approach: "why is the system slow?" "not enough coal in the boiler..running out of steam I'm afraid". "Why are the phones (Cisco IP Phones) doing daft things?" "They're shite. Oh, sorry..I mean, we'll look into it." My ultimate favourite is to let the phone ring a few times, then pick it up and say something like "hello, maths.."..more often than not, people hang up...
Guest Posted November 9, 2005 Posted November 9, 2005 Q. The internet is down again, why does it never work? A. http://www.bbc.xom/schools is not a website!
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