[joke] User Achievements

[Gonk]

Blockbuster: Ask the ICT Technicians to copy some dvds of the latest film for your "personal use".

 

Ahoy Me Hearties!: Demand a copy of Windows 7 & Office 2010 with the schools license keys from the ICT technicians for your home pc.

[Fatmas]

Berners-Lee: Ask a technician if they "Make websites nice"

[Fatmas]

Jack of All Trades: Ask a technician if they could watch the class for you.

[MK-2]

Do You Have Papers?: Request they provide a solution on the spot.

 

That one would work with

Haben Sie ein Papieren? (sp?) too

[Gonk]

Friendly Fire: Blame another teacher in your department for something that you've broken.

[teejay]

Mastermind Ability to forget in 2 minute walk to ICT Office what room you were in, what teacher you have and what the problem was that you were sent down for

[TechMonkey]

To the Top: Bring biscuits when asking for a favour.

Unexpected: Give a gift after IT fix something

24/7: Use a Techs private email or mobile number to request help out of hours

24/7 to the MAX: DEMAND help via a Techs private email or mobile out of hours

Shouting in the breeze: Email the helpdesk/Tech during the holiday hoping for a reply

Overtime? We've heard of it: Comment on a Tech staying late even though it is still during their normal working hours

Holiday? We've heard of it: Ask how a Techs holiday went when they were in.

[jamesrobinson]

The Low Blow: Whilst complaining about a problem use the term "this would never of happened before you started"

[dayzd]

Optimus Whine: After describing a problem, following up with as many superfluous reasons as possible why their problem is so urgent that you simply MUST fix it right away, even when you've already begun working to fix said problem, right in front of them.

 

Persistinator: Emailing HoDs/line management about minor issue/problem, despite being told the solution five times over in their previously logged Helpdesk calls.

 

C.C. King: CC'ing HoDs/line management about a newly/un- reported issue to either A) make it look like support's fault, or B) implicitly excuse themselves for failing to do something on time/properly.

[36Degrees]

Should have gone to Specsavers: Insist everything is plugged in and switched on then watch as the technician presses the ON switch on the power socket

 

Confused.com: When told to click on Start, reply with "Where's that?"

 

Compare the market: Buy hardware or software without consulting ICT Support and when it doesn't work say you did lots of research on the internet

 

Laterooms: Arrive twenty minutes after the lesson started saying that you didn't know there had been a room change despite the fact all the pupils did

 

I can’t believe it’s not butter: No matter how many times you’re told YouTube is blocked by the LEA still ask for it “for just this lesson”.

 

Relocation, relocation: Move offices at least twice every academic year

 

How clean is your house?: Have a huge pile of cups, plates, etc. in your classroom because you can’t be bothered to take them back to the staffroom

 

Daily Politics: Get exactly what you want without any experience, ability or talent purely by knowing the right things to say and / or the right people

 

Enemy at the door: Despite constant backstabbing and whining about ICT Support ask them for a favour when your personal laptop has a problem

 

Mythbusters: Prove that a member of staff’s computer isn’t really slow and that they therefore don’t need a new one

 

Open All Hours: Complain to ICT Support at 8:01am that the problem you emailed them about from home at 11pm the previous evening still exists

 

DIY SOS: Explain how you or your friend / partner have made a problem much worse by trying to fix it as you “know a bit about computers”

 

Would I lie to you?: Create the most unbelievable story for how the computers in your department became damaged despite you having excellent classroom management skills

 

Commando: Swear blind that you attended all the relevant CPD sessions despite nobody seeing you

 

Total Recall: When given an answer you don't like start your counter argument with "At my last school.."

 

Swarm: Take at least 4 friends with you when you go to ask ICT Support for help

 

The Devil Wears Prada: Ensure you wear the latest fashion every day to work so that people concentrate on that rather than your abilities

[Dos_Box]

Corporate Liability: Be held responsable by a member of staff for the inherent bugs and flaws in a piece of software or hardware.

[Gonk]

The Engineer's a Spy: When the local authority supplies software & resources that don't work and they send out one of their engineers to tell the teaching staff its ICT Supports fault.

[LosOjos]

Riddle Me This: Respond "it didn't do that when I tried" after a tech has walked to your office and pressed the exact button they told you to over the phone

[korifugi]

The Phantom Menace: Break 10 pieces of shared equipment and replace them in storage without being noticed.

 

Bustin' the Seams: Fill your laptop bag with so much paperwork there is no space for the laptop.

 

Crushing Despair: Complete Bustin' the seams and still fit your laptop in the bag.

 

They said it was a good year: Destroy your laptop with wine 5 times.

[36Degrees]

A Fistful of Dollars: Help a department spend the remainder of their budget at the end of the year before they lose it

 

For A Few Dollars More: Convince a department head to buy a reliable make not a “cheap and nasty”

 

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly: Prioritise non-urgent or mission critical tasks according to how the requester speaks to you or treats you

[X-13]

Courtesy of our Headteacher: [slightly edited]

 

Jurassic Park: Do everything without using a computer.

[AMLinington]

Ghost in the Machine : Systematically ignore all 'Your password will expire in X days. Do you want to change it now?' messages then complain to ICT that 'Someone changed your password'.

 

Deceive, Inviegle and Obfuscate : Disable something deliberately that you know to be a high priority item in order to bring ICT to you under false pretenses so that you can ask a mundane and/or not-work-related IT question that you know would have taken forever to make it through the service desk incident prioritisation protocols.

 

Cognitive Dissonance : Send in a help request phrased in such a way that the only person that can understand it is you. "The thingy in Word I use all the time to do stuff with is broken".

Edited May 5, 2011 by AMLinington
Additional Material

[TechMonkey]

Clone War: Jokingly suggest the IT Tech creates cardboard cutouts of themself as "things only work when you are around" 10 times.

[ICT_GUY]

machiavellian : Get new shiny bits of kit by playing politics with the SMT when told no for good reasons by the IT department.

[cromertech]

There is a message for you. Insist on creating a new helpdesk ticket to inform the technician of updates to an existing one 5 times in a week!

[jcs808]

One about the kids.

Invisible ink: On deadline day ask the techs to recover documents from a usb drive even though we both know that you haven't done the work.

[Asreal]

Some fantastic ones here folks, pure genius

 

Here are mine:

 

Manual Override: Keep saying "But I need it!" upon being told work cannot be done with 20 minutes notice

Relentless: After having busy IT staff reluctantly agree to look at your home machine "when they have time", proceed to appear in their office at every break, lunch or free period until they crack or tell you to piss off

Conscientious: Helpfully backup all your music/video files to the school servers until there is no more space

[Gatt]

Ticket Dodger: Raise more than 5 faults on a single ticket

 

Out Of Hours: Call the IT Tech for a password reset or other non-urgent fault after 7PM

 

Weekender Bonus: As Out of Hours, but during a [long] weekend

[LiamH]

Groundhog day: Tell ICT that some equipment has been out of use for "days" to try and get it resolved quicker.

 

Grab em while you can: Fit 5 "oh while your here.." requests in when you spot a tech in your department

 

The cake is a lie: Promise to bring in cake/sweets/chocs to the techs after fixing your home computer. Then never do.

 

Back to the future : Report a fault that you want fixing 2 days ago

 

Scrabble master : Make a fault report containing 3 technical sounding terms you have made up / misheard

 

Rage against the machine: Physically hit your machine when it runs slow then wonder why it breaks

 

Hot potato: Juggle a required task around your department so it never gets done.

[Gatt]

Lord of Capslock - Write an entire document using the Capslock key for single instances of an uppercase letter instead of holding the SHIFT key down..

Mr/Miss Forgetful - Forget your new password within 10 minutes of changing it..

Google Intranet - Raise 5 faults stating that Google or the Internet is down after being told the Intranet will be offline for maintenence rather than type the Google URL into the address bar..

Address Hunt - Feign ignorance as to what the Address Bar is and where it is located

Wannabe - Claim to know more about IT than the ICT Support team does