[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[HarryMonkey]

 

. . . .

[6Foot2]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]70874[/ATTACH]

 

. . . .

 

That's not a dad joke - it's a Troi Joy.

 

[mikeprice]

I'm thinking of making a film - bit link Kung Fu Panda but with marsupials

 

I've got the title sorted

 

Mortal Wombat

[smurfomatic]

Dad: "How are your grades, son?"

 

Son: "They're underwater, Dad."

 

Dad: "What do you mean, underwater?"

 

Son: "They're below C level"

[mikeprice]

Probably not the perfect thread for this but.......

 

@DalekSec - relative of yours????

 

[6Foot2]

Probably not the perfect thread for this but.......

 

@DalekSec - relative of yours????

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]70883[/ATTACH]

 

Careful, don't upset him!

 

What do you call the creator of the Daleks when he's annoyed?

 

Davcross!

 

Edited February 17, 2024 by 6Foot2

[DalekSec]

I started my current job the same day as Liz Truss became PM... i outlasted the lettuce

[6Foot2]

Link:

 

[mikeprice]

 

 

not sure what makes you a Dalek

[HarryMonkey]

. . . . .

[6Foot2]

Which arachnids live on the Moon?

 

Lunar ticks.

[smurfomatic]

Just checked my house insurance. It says if my duvet is stolen during the night...

 

 

...I won't be covered.

[Techykev]

Went into the butchers yesterday and asked for an asteroid pie.

Butcher: "What's an asteroid pie?"

Me: "Like the one you sold me yesterday, but a bit meteor"

[HarryMonkey]

Wife: Do you ever get a sharp stabbing pain all over your body? Like someone has a voodoo doll and are stabbing it?

Me: No

Wife: What about now?

[mikeprice]

 

They are willing to take the case on a pro-Bonio basis

[6Foot2]

If a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud, or an udder failure?

[Ditto]

There are a lot of formerly taboo subjects that are now OK to talk about. For example, mention Botox and no one raises an eyebrow.

[6Foot2]

Link:

 

[mikeprice]

I’ve just learnt a dull yet interesting fact

 

Koi fish always travel in groups of four. If attacked Koi A, B and C will scatter, Leaving behind the D Koi.

[mikeprice]

Did you know, if Celine Dion sang the vowels in her name, it would be in the lyrics to Old McDonald's farm.

[6Foot2]

The RSPB are expressing concern about declining owl populations, as they are just not breeding. They are working on a theory that says that this is due to very rainy weather.

 

It seems it may be too wet to woo.

[mikeprice]

The RSPB are expressing concern about declining owl populations, as they are just not breeding. They are working on a theory that says that this is due to very rainy weather.

 

It seems it may be too wet to woo.

 

I thought it was due to a laryngitis virus making them hoarse and lethargic

 

in other words

 

the owls don't give a Hoot!

 

 

sorry

Edited March 17, 2024 by 6Foot2

[6Foot2]

A friend told me that he went to Blackpool for his holiday and he went on a donkey.

 

It took him 26 days to get there.

 

Talking of those donkeys, what do donkeys on Blackpool beach get for their lunch?

 

Half an hour like everybody else.

[6Foot2]

I have an original Van Gogh coffee table.

 

I know it's authentic because there's a bit of veneer missing.

[smurfomatic]

NSFW...