stevejp

A little extreme, even for the (self-proclaimed, before anyone accuses me of getting political!) nasty party!

Well, that’s it. If I didn’t know it before, I can confirm that I am now officially and beyond all doubt a grumpy old man. I’ve managed to avoid the hundred so far (sorry, but I refuse to dignify it with capital letters!), but I thought I’d watch the final as Birmingham are in it. What a load of rubbish. As if it wasn’t bad enough listening to Michael Vaughan shouting down the mic and trying to pretend that he’s ‘wiv it wiv da kids, bro’ (I may be slightly exaggerating - but only just!) we then have some stupid DJ and the modern day equivalent of Pans People in between innings. What happening to watching the groundsman re-mark the creases, running to the loo and entering into heated debate about whether they’re using the correct type of roller, for goodness sake?! Thank goodness for the mute button. It may be a money-spinner - but cricket it ain’t!

I’d just assumed the mods were branching out a bit - they do say variety is the spice of life…

Roll call!

Cannibalism?!

What an unfortunate coincidence!

Fixed that for you…

Can you tell us which branch? I want to be there when the first numpty tries to get in without a mask and without reading the small print…

WAITER!? Popcorn and a large beverage, please - I sense a story coming on…

Are you building a pond to go with that new shed? ‘Cos I think you might be needing one soon…

He should be a PE teacher…

That’s very restrained of you, to focus on the first two rather than the last two!

What’s a £50 note…?

I believe you may be confusing TV broadcasts with radio news bulletins…

Great - but maybe if the posties stopped chucking them on the floor in the first place…?

Minion in the DfE (running excitedly into office): guys, I’ve just invented this new thing - what do you think? Other minions (gathering round excitedly): ooh, shiney! What’s it called? First minion: I thought I’d call it (pauses for dramatic effect) …a ‘wheel’! Other minions: Oooh - shiney, shiney! Please note: no cynicism intended (he lied).

Be my guest!

Me too - winds up our PE department no end! Usually either sticks or bats, depending upon which one of them’s in earshot at the time… (top tip for anyone who’d like to try it: golf ‘cue’ usually has a very pleasing effect…)

Was just debating whether to post something similar, but decided I’d probably get too much grief from the young whippersnappers about my age…

Not sure, but guessing they’re trying to get to all of the August birthdays who will be heading off to uni in September? Of course, nobody thought of sorting that out a couple of months ao, so that they could all get both doses…

Well, I’m so glad they told us in plenty of time, otherwise we might never have noticed! (warning, post may contain traces of sarcasm…)

Presumably, diabled people are ok with the stairs, then?

That’s probably how it’ll look to a few football-loving motorists off to work early on Monday morning!

Probably in case they were spotted…

Noticed what?