[joke] What does it mean to be british?

[john]

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV

 

And the most British thing of all?

Suspicion of all things foreign!

 

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

 

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

 

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

 

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

 

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

 

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

 

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

 

NOT TO MENTION..

 

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

 

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

 

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

 

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

 

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

 

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

 

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

 

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

 

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

 

and finally...

 

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

 

 

If you're proud to be British, send this on!

 

Oh and as for the reason as to why we drive German cars, drink beer from Belgium, sit on Sweedish furniture and watch Japanese TVs:

YouTube - The IT Crowd-Fire

[Joedetic]

Epic John...just....epic.

 

Thank God I'm only 50% English

[torledo]

 

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

 

 

You saved the best till last john. brilliant.

 

I've got to click the rep button for that.

Edited April 19, 2008 by torledo

[Andrew_C]

Funny, but I've seen that one before... but with Yanks instead of Brits!

[bizzel]

Rep++;

 

Has anyone else noticed that if you add negative rep, it still says "may you be lucky enough to receive the same reputation in return!"?

[torledo]

Rep++;

 

Has anyone else noticed that if you add negative rep, it still says "may you be lucky enough to receive the same reputation in return!"?

 

You can add negative rep ? didn't notice that.

 

btw does anyone know the significance of the green buckets ?

[john]

what green buckets?

[Gatt]

Epic John...just....epic.

 

Thank God I'm only 50% English

 

Thank god i'm 100% Scottish

[StewartKnight]

The post says British, which, last time I checked included the Scottish

[Gatt]

The post says British, which, last time I checked included the Scottish

 

Hmm.. yeah.. technically.. but not if we happen to lose a sporting event..

 

If we win.. we're british.. if we lose.. we're "scottish"

 

[Ryan]

Sorry but i'm not British, i'm Scottish.

[localzuk]

Sorry but i'm not British, i'm Scottish.

 

You are British - as Great Britain is made up of England, Scotland and Wales. So, unless Scotland suddenly becomes independent, you are classed as British.

[cookie_monster]

If we win.. we're british.. if we lose.. we're "scottish" :-)

 

Unfortunatly Ryan you are British though

[Guest kerrymoralee9280]

[RANT]

 

Can I ask something here. How come there are around 5 million Scottish folk live in Scotland yet around 6 million Scotish folk live in England. If you hate us that much why don't you jack off back to your own country?

 

Oh, and stop putting Scottish stickers on the back of your cars - all that makes me think is your country has an identity crisis.

 

[/RANT]

[cookie_monster]

I think that's a bit strong.

 

It's not so much the Scottish hating the English or vice versa, it's just people having to have something to hate. Northerners moaning about southerners, Man City hating Man U fans.

 

Trust me most Scottish don't 'really' hate the English and vice versa, i've never had an issue while there and have Scottish friends who don't hate me (well most of the time :-)).

Edited April 21, 2008 by cookie_monster

[Gatt]

erm.. who mentioned anything about hate?

I certainly didn't.. and I certainly dont.. which is why im (or at least will be in a few months) married to my english partner and my son was born in England..

 

So "hate" is a rather strong word IMHO..

[StewartKnight]

I must admit I despise the scottish attitude of "anyone BUT the English" that is dominant north of the border as much as the next guy... but heck kerrymoralee9280!

[localzuk]

I think the issue here is the tensions that are running high over the whole 'wanting to become independent' thing.

 

Many don't understand the argument to become independent, as the English financially support the Scottish and Welsh, so them turning around saying 'we want independence' is kinda a kick in the teeth.

[Gatt]

Can i draw everyones attention back to the thread's prefix of "[JOKE]" and ask we cease and desist this Scottish/English slanging match please?

[cookie_monster]

Yes a very good point. Must be monday rage going around :-) Edited April 21, 2008 by cookie_monster

[cookie_monster]

localzuk: the sooner they're devolved the sooner we can all become part of Europe what better way to get around the ‘should Britain be part of Europe’ question than to get rid of Britain ;-)

[tmcd35]

Yeah the EU - this is the only time you'll catch me waving a blue flag!

[nebapneb]

Can i draw everyones attention back to the thread's prefix of "[JOKE]" and ask we cease and desist this Scottish/English slanging match please?

 

yeah cos you all know that wales is the best

 

c'mon how many baftas did you win last night?

 

harry hill doesn't count because he is technically half fruitcake and half bananas

 

i have arguments with the missus over the fact that i'm welsh

despite the fact that i was born in yorkshire

which isn't part of england BTW

its an independent nation state, so nyer!

no matter what she says - or you lot think for that matter

 

boils down to a little word that can't really be translated into english

hiraeth - roughly means a longing/desire for the homeland

so whilst i've got it i'm a gog

even though i live in south wales

althought the clan came from wrecsam

which isn't part of liverpool

even though they've all got scouse accents now

and you can buy dead cheap car stereos & hubcaps

 

goddamn that coffees good, mmmmmmmmmm rocket fuel

off to lie down in a darkened padded room

before i fall off my tangent completely

 

neb

[Ryan]

Some thoughts:

 

For as long as "being british" is perceived as drinking tea with a bowler hat on / smashing up foreign coffee shops while attending european footy matches / , i'll stay Scottish thank you very much.

 

I'm not particularly fond of haggis or bagpipes, but i do like wearing a skirt on formal occasions.

 

I don't hate the English, in the same way i don't hate Colombians or any other geographical group of people based on that fact alone.

 

I don't have any great desire for Scotland to become independent from Britain.

 

Now, back to the thread...

[cookie_monster]

There aren’t football hooligans in Scotland? (or do they not smash up European coffee shops as their teams never get there :-))

 

Cookie Monster runs for cover :-)

 

 

Everywhere has their silly quirks "drinking tea with a bowler hat on" in England "Putting pies in a deep fat fryer (WTF) in Edinburgh i'm not really sure what being British is but i do live here so i'm British.

Edited April 21, 2008 by cookie_monster