featured_spectre Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 ok, we all have them. I just pulled this one at work. Lady: Argh I have something in my shoe Me: I'm pretty sure that would be your foot. Badumtss. Anyone got any dad jokes they care to share?
Tesla Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 somone asked me a penguin joke earlier. What kind of cake does a penguin eat on their birthday? Real answer = Fish Cake My answer (which is infinitely better, and was an instant guess) - Brrrr-thday Cake.
featured_spectre Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Operator: 999 whats your emergency? Man: You have to send help, my wife is having a baby! Operator: Is this her firstborn? Man: No this is her fiance. This will probably be me by Friday!
DPrince Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Operator: 999 whats your emergency? Man: You have to send help, my wife is having a baby! Operator: Is this her firstborn? Man: No this is her fiance. Man: No, this is her husband...
DPrince Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 I realised I couldn't just correct other peoples' jokes without contributing a bad one of my own... Man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. The barman says "Where did you get that??" and the frog says "I won him in a raffle."
6Foot2 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 OK. You asked for it: We have one of these standing outside the office door today: http://i.snag.gy/xKath.jpg Teacher: What is that? Me: A big fan if mine. Teacher: Where was it made? Me: Watford. It's a Watford fan.
abillybob Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Duck walks into a bar and says "Got any bread?" Bar Man: "No Sorry we don't sell bread here" Duck: "Have you got any bread" Bar Man: "NO I HAVE JUST SAID NO BREAD HERE" Duck: "Got any bread?" Bar Man: "If you say that once more I'm going to nail your stupid beak to the ground!" Duck: "Got any nails?" Bar Man "No" Duck: "Got any bread?"
featured_spectre Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Why does Magneto not wear purple any more? Because the days of fuschia've passed.
Tesla Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Person itching their eye "argh there's something in my eye" "yeah, its your finger!"
featured_spectre Posted June 24, 2014 Author Posted June 24, 2014 Dad: 'Hey son, pass me the hammerfor.' Son: 'What's a hammerfor?' Dad: 'Banging in nails, stupid.'
MrMat Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 A pack of Wrigleys and a pack of Hubba Bubba are sitting in a bar having a drink talking about their day. A pack of Airways walks in and all of sudden the pack of Hubba Bubba dives under the table and hides. The Wrigleys says: "Who you hiding from? The Hubba Bubba replied: "The Airways!! He's menthol!"
EvLPhenom Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?...Cliff What do you call a man in a river?...Bob What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?...Doug Man walks into a bar and says ouch!
Tesla Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?...Doug What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Douglas
6Foot2 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack What do you call a man with three eyes? Seymour What do you call a man with a rabbit on his head? Warren
Tesla Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 What d you call a man in a big pile of leaves? Russel.
Mcshammer_dj Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 two guys walk into a bar Well you would have thought that one of them would have seen it
Pashers Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Two oranges walk into a bar, one orange said to the other "Your round"
Mcshammer_dj Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 what do you call an irish man with two bit of glass on his head? Paddy O Doors
webman Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 All computers at the seaside are connected via a Pier-to-Pier network. Kids going on school trips to the seaside are told not to bury their Head in the sand.
6Foot2 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 What do you call a woman with egg and bacon on her head? Cathy. And on that note I will bow out of contributing to this thread. Thank you all and good night.
Fleetwood Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.
webman Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Me and this other bloke fought over the last roll of grass in the garden centre. It was a real turf war. I wanted to make my garden more space-themed so I laid astroturf.
Mcshammer_dj Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 Just been on the Holiday of a Lifetime. Never again
Jimmer3568 Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 What's Bob Marley's favourite donut? Wi' Jammin.
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