Gonk Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Blockbuster: Ask the ICT Technicians to copy some dvds of the latest film for your "personal use". Ahoy Me Hearties!: Demand a copy of Windows 7 & Office 2010 with the schools license keys from the ICT technicians for your home pc.
Fatmas Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Berners-Lee: Ask a technician if they "Make websites nice"
Fatmas Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Jack of All Trades: Ask a technician if they could watch the class for you.
MK-2 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Do You Have Papers?: Request they provide a solution on the spot. That one would work with Haben Sie ein Papieren? (sp?) too
Gonk Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Friendly Fire: Blame another teacher in your department for something that you've broken.
teejay Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Mastermind Ability to forget in 2 minute walk to ICT Office what room you were in, what teacher you have and what the problem was that you were sent down for
TechMonkey Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 To the Top: Bring biscuits when asking for a favour. Unexpected: Give a gift after IT fix something 24/7: Use a Techs private email or mobile number to request help out of hours 24/7 to the MAX: DEMAND help via a Techs private email or mobile out of hours Shouting in the breeze: Email the helpdesk/Tech during the holiday hoping for a reply Overtime? We've heard of it: Comment on a Tech staying late even though it is still during their normal working hours Holiday? We've heard of it: Ask how a Techs holiday went when they were in.
jamesrobinson Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The Low Blow: Whilst complaining about a problem use the term "this would never of happened before you started"
dayzd Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Optimus Whine: After describing a problem, following up with as many superfluous reasons as possible why their problem is so urgent that you simply MUST fix it right away, even when you've already begun working to fix said problem, right in front of them. Persistinator: Emailing HoDs/line management about minor issue/problem, despite being told the solution five times over in their previously logged Helpdesk calls. C.C. King: CC'ing HoDs/line management about a newly/un- reported issue to either A) make it look like support's fault, or B) implicitly excuse themselves for failing to do something on time/properly.
36Degrees Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Should have gone to Specsavers: Insist everything is plugged in and switched on then watch as the technician presses the ON switch on the power socket Confused.com: When told to click on Start, reply with "Where's that?" Compare the market: Buy hardware or software without consulting ICT Support and when it doesn't work say you did lots of research on the internet Laterooms: Arrive twenty minutes after the lesson started saying that you didn't know there had been a room change despite the fact all the pupils did I can’t believe it’s not butter: No matter how many times you’re told YouTube is blocked by the LEA still ask for it “for just this lesson”. Relocation, relocation: Move offices at least twice every academic year How clean is your house?: Have a huge pile of cups, plates, etc. in your classroom because you can’t be bothered to take them back to the staffroom Daily Politics: Get exactly what you want without any experience, ability or talent purely by knowing the right things to say and / or the right people Enemy at the door: Despite constant backstabbing and whining about ICT Support ask them for a favour when your personal laptop has a problem Mythbusters: Prove that a member of staff’s computer isn’t really slow and that they therefore don’t need a new one Open All Hours: Complain to ICT Support at 8:01am that the problem you emailed them about from home at 11pm the previous evening still exists DIY SOS: Explain how you or your friend / partner have made a problem much worse by trying to fix it as you “know a bit about computers” Would I lie to you?: Create the most unbelievable story for how the computers in your department became damaged despite you having excellent classroom management skills Commando: Swear blind that you attended all the relevant CPD sessions despite nobody seeing you Total Recall: When given an answer you don't like start your counter argument with "At my last school.." Swarm: Take at least 4 friends with you when you go to ask ICT Support for help The Devil Wears Prada: Ensure you wear the latest fashion every day to work so that people concentrate on that rather than your abilities
Dos_Box Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Corporate Liability: Be held responsable by a member of staff for the inherent bugs and flaws in a piece of software or hardware.
Gonk Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The Engineer's a Spy: When the local authority supplies software & resources that don't work and they send out one of their engineers to tell the teaching staff its ICT Supports fault.
LosOjos Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Riddle Me This: Respond "it didn't do that when I tried" after a tech has walked to your office and pressed the exact button they told you to over the phone
korifugi Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The Phantom Menace: Break 10 pieces of shared equipment and replace them in storage without being noticed. Bustin' the Seams: Fill your laptop bag with so much paperwork there is no space for the laptop. Crushing Despair: Complete Bustin' the seams and still fit your laptop in the bag. They said it was a good year: Destroy your laptop with wine 5 times.
36Degrees Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 A Fistful of Dollars: Help a department spend the remainder of their budget at the end of the year before they lose it For A Few Dollars More: Convince a department head to buy a reliable make not a “cheap and nasty” The Good, The Bad and the Ugly: Prioritise non-urgent or mission critical tasks according to how the requester speaks to you or treats you
X-13 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Courtesy of our Headteacher: [slightly edited] Jurassic Park: Do everything without using a computer.
AMLinington Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) Ghost in the Machine : Systematically ignore all 'Your password will expire in X days. Do you want to change it now?' messages then complain to ICT that 'Someone changed your password'. Deceive, Inviegle and Obfuscate : Disable something deliberately that you know to be a high priority item in order to bring ICT to you under false pretenses so that you can ask a mundane and/or not-work-related IT question that you know would have taken forever to make it through the service desk incident prioritisation protocols. Cognitive Dissonance : Send in a help request phrased in such a way that the only person that can understand it is you. "The thingy in Word I use all the time to do stuff with is broken". Edited May 5, 2011 by AMLinington Additional Material
TechMonkey Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Clone War: Jokingly suggest the IT Tech creates cardboard cutouts of themself as "things only work when you are around" 10 times.
ICT_GUY Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 machiavellian : Get new shiny bits of kit by playing politics with the SMT when told no for good reasons by the IT department.
cromertech Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 There is a message for you. Insist on creating a new helpdesk ticket to inform the technician of updates to an existing one 5 times in a week!
jcs808 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 One about the kids. Invisible ink: On deadline day ask the techs to recover documents from a usb drive even though we both know that you haven't done the work.
Asreal Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Some fantastic ones here folks, pure genius Here are mine: Manual Override: Keep saying "But I need it!" upon being told work cannot be done with 20 minutes notice Relentless: After having busy IT staff reluctantly agree to look at your home machine "when they have time", proceed to appear in their office at every break, lunch or free period until they crack or tell you to piss off Conscientious: Helpfully backup all your music/video files to the school servers until there is no more space
Gatt Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Ticket Dodger: Raise more than 5 faults on a single ticket Out Of Hours: Call the IT Tech for a password reset or other non-urgent fault after 7PM Weekender Bonus: As Out of Hours, but during a [long] weekend
LiamH Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Groundhog day: Tell ICT that some equipment has been out of use for "days" to try and get it resolved quicker. Grab em while you can: Fit 5 "oh while your here.." requests in when you spot a tech in your department The cake is a lie: Promise to bring in cake/sweets/chocs to the techs after fixing your home computer. Then never do. Back to the future : Report a fault that you want fixing 2 days ago Scrabble master : Make a fault report containing 3 technical sounding terms you have made up / misheard Rage against the machine: Physically hit your machine when it runs slow then wonder why it breaks Hot potato: Juggle a required task around your department so it never gets done.
Gatt Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Lord of Capslock - Write an entire document using the Capslock key for single instances of an uppercase letter instead of holding the SHIFT key down.. Mr/Miss Forgetful - Forget your new password within 10 minutes of changing it.. Google Intranet - Raise 5 faults stating that Google or the Internet is down after being told the Intranet will be offline for maintenence rather than type the Google URL into the address bar.. Address Hunt - Feign ignorance as to what the Address Bar is and where it is located Wannabe - Claim to know more about IT than the ICT Support team does
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