Computer Funnies

[timbo343]

To All employees:

 

 

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

 

Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

 

When an IT person says they're coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

 

When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

 

When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

 

Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

 

When we do something as a favour in our own time at our own expense, feel free to criticize us.

 

That's OK, we don't expect you to lift anything or get under your desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.

 

When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's electronics in it.

 

When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

 

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

 

 

When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

 

 

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won’t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the

company. One of them is bound to work.

 

 

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".

 

 

When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell him or her about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.

 

 

Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

 

 

When your application can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.

 

Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.

 

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.

 

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

 

When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.

 

Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

 

When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

 

When you think the Network/E-mail/Office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to its normal speed.

 

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

 

The instant you call us (on our mobile) - we can see what's happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.

 

Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a right to be upset if we don't answer the phone.

 

When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

 

And finally, always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your call. The whole day!!!

[alan-d]

I was tempted to put that on the staff room notice board but then thought I'd better not.

 

They would take it literally

[timbo343]

yeah we thought about that, but then thought, ermm, maybe not...

[bishopsgarthstockton]

When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

 

this happend to me once.. i dumped it in the staff room

[eduabncs]

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

 

 

....so true!

[alan-d]

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

 

 

....so true!

 

You mean like us using your helpdesk? lol

 

 

(*This poster is now out of office*)

[tosca925]

I think we get nearly all of the above over a working week.

[ChrisH]

How true is most of that though

[eduabncs]

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

 

 

....so true!

 

You mean like us using your helpdesk? lol

 

 

(*This poster is now out of office*)

 

 

Yeah...but then you get to speak to me or one of the others on 2nd line who do know......!

[_Bat_]

When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

 

Every classroom pc in both my schools is like this. Getting around to the back of the computer usually involved knocking loads of pieces of paper and toys off the desk by accident and then having to clear it up again.

 

Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

 

I don't ever remember a time that I have been told what an error said, i'm just told "my computer came up with an error".

 

 

When an IT person says they're coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

 

I have sooooo much difficultly with passwords. For some reason if someone tells me a password I'm expected to remember it for next time there is a problem with that particular computer. Usually the staff tell me their problems in passing in the corridor and when I get to the computer, it is locked. Finding said staff member again usually proves impossible.

 

When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only to serve.

 

I go offsite for my lunch break most days because otherwise I would never get one. Lunch time is an ideal time to knock on the technicians door.

 

When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won’t print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the

company. One of them is bound to work.

 

This happens every day, its normal. I commonly go to the printer to find 50 pages of the same A4 multicoloured duck.

 

 

Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what is meant by "my thingy blew up".

 

I don't get this very often, usually questioning said person further reveals some answers. The annoying one though is the initial "my computer doesn't work" which I get nearly every day.

 

When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell him or her about the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can clear our schedule for the rest of the day.

 

This usually happens in the places I don't visit very often. I went into nursery once to find the cable leading to the projector on the ceiling was dangling from the ceiling and actually touching the floor - it had fallen down. They had wrapped it around the projector cage to stop the kids falling over it - was I told about this? No.

 

Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem before.

 

This is something that annoys me a little bit. How often have you people been called out to a problem and had to actually sit down at the computer as it'll take a few minutes for you to figure out what is wrong only for them to say "oh it's okay, its not really important or anything". After someone says this to me, I usually figure that I'm just in the way and they didn't really expect me to take over their computer for more then a few seconds so I drop it. The next thing I know, they have given the next IT literate person the same problem. To be fair this usually happens away from work i.e. during my own time with family and friends etc.

 

If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.

 

There isn't enough room for the computers by themselves in our classrooms, let along all the papers and stuff that gather up around them. So commonly the mouse and keyboard cables get tucked away under the computer.

 

If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

 

I used to shake our school keyboards upside down to remove all the junk in them. I don't any more because I was scared by the stuff that came out.

 

When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

 

This is normal as well most of the time. I'm trying to get rid of all our old inkjets though, so should die down.

 

And finally, always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your call. The whole day!!!

 

I think I am not the only one who feels that everything thinks unless we are fixing someones computer, we aren't working?

[alan-d]

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

 

 

....so true!

 

You mean like us using your helpdesk? lol

 

 

(*This poster is now out of office*)

 

 

Yeah...but then you get to speak to me or one of the others on 2nd line who do know......!

 

*cough* proxy *cough*

 

[eduabncs]

When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know about the problem.

 

 

....so true!

 

You mean like us using your helpdesk? lol

 

 

(*This poster is now out of office*)

 

 

 

Yeah...but then you get to speak to me or one of the others on 2nd line who do know......!

 

*cough* proxy *cough*

 

 

:oops:

 

*Looks at feet and mumbles something about Novell and Volera all the while moving snow with feet* :hiding:

[alan-d]

lol You know that will haunt you forever don't you?

[eduabncs]

lol You know that will haunt you forever don't you?

 

 

Yup..coz you won't let me forget...!

 

Talking of stuff ups...whats your worst one..? *cheeky evil grin*

[alan-d]

lol You know that will haunt you forever don't you?

 

 

Yup..coz you won't let me forget...!

 

Talking of stuff ups...whats your worst one..? *cheeky evil grin*

 

Accepting this job is high on the list

 

Having to rejoin every PC to the network manually cos I accidently deleted one or two records on the server - look I was busy and being distracted - it could have happened to anyone - OK!!

Somehow I deselected the 3 I was after instead of selecting them. So the 3 I was after stayed and the rest sort of dissappeared

 

It was a long time ago and I was on my own

[_Bat_]

lol You know that will haunt you forever don't you?

 

 

Yup..coz you won't let me forget...!

 

Talking of stuff ups...whats your worst one..? *cheeky evil grin*

 

I know this wasn't directed at me... but mine was installing some random kids software directly on the server. Up until that day I had never heard my network manager actually scream out of fright.

[Zoom7000]

We have a problem where even in offices, the teachers love to interrupt the RIS process and attempt to login whilst SMS is installing applications, saying they didn't see the Out of Order message on the keyboard. So I put this message on the PC and selotape it like mad all over the monitor and base unit:

 

Message from Network Support

 

This Computer is Out of Order. Please do not attempt to use it in anyway whatsoever! Doing so will only result in the PC being out of action for a lengthier period.

 

The estimated date for the completion of repair on this PC is Friday 9th February 2007.

 

However, after this date, please call Network Support before removing this message and using the PC for the first time.

 

Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

 

Earlier today, I couldn't understand why the PC wouldn't repond to Remote Desktop, so my collegue called up the office and the Head of Department answered. We asked him if anyone was using the machine. He said no, there is a big note telling them not to. We were confused. So we went to see why, and the Head of Dept. had removed the network cable from the PC so he could use his laptop. He couldn't find the spare cable, that had fallen on the floor!

 

Next time, I will put the message.

 

PC OUT OF ORDER

 

DO NOT USE, TOUCH OR REMOVE ANY CONNECTED CABLES!

 

RISK OF ELECTRICUTION AND DEATH

[_Bat_]

PC OUT OF ORDER

 

DO NOT USE, TOUCH OR REMOVE ANY CONNECTED CABLES!

 

RISK OF ELECTRICUTION AND DEATH

 

The bit they don't realise is the electricution bit involves the network manager and his heavily modified cattle prod and the death bit involves network manager strangling said teacher with an ethernet cable.

[eejit]

Having to rejoin every PC to the network manually cos I accidently deleted one or two records on the server - look I was busy and being distracted - it could have happened to anyone - OK!!

Somehow I deselected the 3 I was after instead of selecting them. So the 3 I was after stayed and the rest sort of dissappeared

 

Oooooohhh, that could easily happen alright - nightmare.

[srochford]

Having to rejoin every PC to the network manually cos I accidently deleted one or two records on the server - look I was busy and being distracted - it could have happened to anyone - OK!!

Somehow I deselected the 3 I was after instead of selecting them. So the 3 I was after stayed and the rest sort of dissappeared

 

It was a long time ago and I was on my own

 

Too late now, but next time you do this it's worth knowing that AD objects can be undeleted fairly easily as long as you do it before the tombstone expires (default I think is 60 days). An example of how to do it is at http://searchwinit.techtarget.com/tip/0,289483,sid1_gci1141514,00.html - probably worth trying this out on a dummy object you delete before you need it for real :-)

[alan-d]

Too late now, but next time you do this it's worth knowing that AD objects can be undeleted fairly easily as long as you do it before the tombstone expires (default I think is 60 days). An example of how to do it is at http://searchwinit.techtarget.com/tip/0,289483,sid1_gci1141514,00.html - probably worth trying this out on a dummy object you delete before you need it for real :-)

 

Thanks - but my techies try and keep me away from the servers now Apparently it halves their workload :?

 

[Midget]

I think I am not the only one who feels that everything thinks unless we are fixing someones computer, we aren't working?

 

I get the feeling that a lot of people think this, problem being is that if I'm out of the office LOOKING busy, i'm actually doing less work than if I was in my office fixing things.

[Kained]

Loved it, it has taken prime position on staff board, right next to the cover list to ensure that it is read