[website] Unrealistic Job Spec

[somabc]

Senior Systems Engineer

 

I am new to these technology but i am a fast lerner and will be up 2 speed and delivering value to u in no time at all.

 

We are looking for an energetic Senior Systems Engineer for our growing organization. This is a full-time position. Candidate must have at least 15 years experience in IT Operations in a medium to large organization. Skills that the successful candidate must have are:

 

--3-5 years extensive experience with Windows Server 2008

--10 years extensive experience with VMWare

--Ability to think "outside the box"

--Experience taking a Cisco router apart and putting it back together without voiding the warranty

--Experience with soldering

--Experience implementing and administering MS Exchange 2010

--Some programming experience

--12 years extensive Sun Solaris/HP UX/Red Hat/Suse Linux experience

--5 years Citrix XenServer experience

--VCR repair experience

--Experience with Tripplite UPS systems 2kVA and higher

--Experience with actually getting Tripplite PowerAlert software to run

--7 years EHR implementation experience

--12 years PACS administration experience

--75 wpm typing speed (all candidates will be given a 1 hour Mavis Beacon typing test during the first interview)

--entry-level janitorial experience

--7 years experience with EMC Clariion FC/iSCSI arrays

--Must be available for rotating 24/7/365 on-call shifts

--CPR Certified

--8 years experience with Dell, HP and IBM servers and hardware

--Experience with implementing DoD-level security policies

--Experience managing large enterprise projects

--Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint

 

Education and Skill

 

Masters Degree in Computer Science, Computer Engineering, or Math, Ph. D. preferred

CCIE, MCA, CISSP, PMP, A+ preferred

Active Top Secret Clearance

801 average credit score

Must be independantly wealthy and willing to loan our business money if the credit market dries up more

 

Equal Opportunity Employment for under 40, women and minorities

H1/L1 Visas welcomed!

 

Benefits:

--Employer pays 10% of medical benefits

--Occasional weekends off

--Free $20 coupon book annually

--Large Microwave Oven in break room

 

 

Compensation: $29,900-$31,999 DoE

Edited October 27, 2009 by somabc

[GrumbleDook]

I'm sure that collectively we meet the criteria ... does the wording of the job really mean it is for a single person and not a Borg-like collective?

 

Good one though.

[Ric_]

I think that somebody is getting a little annoyed at the HR bots (and their unrealistic expectations) when he is applying for jobs.

[localzuk]

Love this one "--Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint"

 

[cookie_monster]

I like this as well sometimes you do get employers that want to the impossible

 

--Experience taking a Cisco router apart and putting it back together without voiding the warranty

[sparkeh]

--entry-level janitorial experience

 

Brilliant

[mac_shinobi]

Good luck with 3 - 5 years experience of server 2008

 

"--3-5 years extensive experience with Windows Server 2008"

 

Server 2008 has not been out that long lol

 

LOL @ --Experience taking a Cisco router apart and putting it back together without voiding the warranty

[DrPerceptron]

I'm liking the benefits package... a $20 coupon booklet. Sold!

[Mr.Ben]

-- Must be independantly wealthy and willing to loan our business money if the credit market dries up more

 

Benefits:

--Employer pays 10% of medical benefits

--Occasional weekends off

--Free $20 coupon book annually

--Large Microwave Oven in break room

 

So not only it management screws up you are expected to give them money, you only get 'Ocassional' weekends off.

 

I'm sending a CV now, I don't own a microwave and could use the use of one....

[mac_shinobi]

No job too large or small for geoff , eh lol

[K.C.Leblanc]

I've never even tryed thinking while inside a box, who'd do something like that?

[mac_shinobi]

I've never even tryed thinking while inside a box, who'd do something like that?

 

That explains the need for this

 

--Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint

 

lol I guess photoshop or paint shop or paint dot net or gimp or ought else is inside the box ?

[K.C.Leblanc]

That explains the need for this

 

--Extensive experience with Microsoft Paint

 

lol I guess photoshop or paint shop or paint dot net or gimp or ought else is inside the box ?

 

No, they don't work if you leave them inside the box. Atleast I can't use software that's still in the box. Maybe my mind powers arn't strong enough.

[mossj]

I've never even tryed thinking while inside a box, who'd do something like that?

 

Some say THERE IS NO BOX!

[PiqueABoo]

Equal Opportunity Employment for under 40

 

Pay attention to that one less-than-that-folk because it's very real, an awful lot of people have been burnt by it, and very few reckon the UK ageism legislation has made much difference.

 

Must be independantly wealthy and willing to loan our business money if the credit market dries up more

 

I once had one asking me not to pay in my wage cheque for another week if I could, and ordinarily it would have taken me that long to get around to it, but...

[mossj]

Pay attention to that one less-than-that-folk because it's very real, an awful lot of people have been burnt by it, and very few reckon the UK ageism legislation has made much difference.

 

Works both ways the 18 - 20ies bracket has an equally hard time proving they are not work shy, lazy, good for nothings with a bad attitude and no mannors that wouldn't hesitate to stab there own grandmother for 50p to buy some crack.

 

Thank you UK Press for that stereotype, and thank you Equal Op laws for not even registering it's an issue.

 

Not only this but it extends right down to dirty looks on the street, crossing the road just to avoid us, and my personal favorite a look of horror when I open my mouth to offer a seat at the bus stop to the earderly.

 

With all that said I'm off to buy some crack with 50p I just inherited from my recently deceased grandmother. Oh and on the way out I'm going to slam the door in your face, and sleep in tommorow morning.

Edited October 27, 2009 by mossj

[Theblacksheep]

--10 years extensive experience with VMWare

 

So you had to be using the only vmware product 'vmware for linux' in 1999...

[PiqueABoo]

So you had to be using the only vmware product 'vmware for linux' in 1999...

 

It's all a bit fuzzy now, but I'm pretty sure we had the original Windows version being used seriously in 1999... was a s/w house running on NT and someone occasionally needed an app that only ran on 9x. The next year we definitely had a few for QA who needed lots of permutations of 9x, NT versions and IE versions.

[PiqueABoo]

Works both ways the 18 - 20ies

 

Can at least grow out of it relatively quickly? Don't know, but the problem might be you're supposed to be getting that mandatory-for-breathing degree/something when you're in that age range.

 

The too-old-for-IT-just-because curve seems to increase exponentially with age, starts to climb a bit in your mid-30s.

[torledo]

if i had a penny for the number of profiles i've seen on linkedin with people who have jack-of-all-trades skills as long as your arm plus - with the obligatory 3-5 years experience......and the roles these skills can fill don't tend to pay that fantastically either. often seems very average pay for the skills required.

 

convinces me more than ever that specialising is the way to go, or some sort of ITIL management position if i want to remain in a support role, is probably the way to go to be competitive and possibly to avoid going crosseyed.

 

it's not how many hats you wear but how much demand there is and how much employers are willing to pay.

[mac_shinobi]

No, they don't work if you leave them inside the box. Atleast I can't use software that's still in the box. Maybe my mind powers arn't strong enough.

 

I thought it was thinking outside the box not making it work whilst in the box, ah well obviously not in the correct context

[cookie_monster]

convinces me more than ever that specialising is the way to go, or some sort of ITIL management position if i want to remain in a support role, is probably the way to go to be competitive and possibly to avoid going crosseyed

 

 

Yep. Want to keep it interesting then go the techie route and you get to play with everything but if you want to make money specialize. It's difficult to prove that you can do anything well if you have a massive list but when you are specialized it's easy to see and demo what you know.