How to scare off cold callers

[FishCustard]

Tempted to set something like this up at our new site... Meet Lenny - the internet's favourite telemarketer-tricking robot | The Independent

[AMLinington]

Answer the phone with "Greg's Sperm bank: You spank it, we bank it!"

 

(Sorry if someone else posted this first - I can't remember where I saw it)

[witch]

I know it is fun to bait these people, but why not just say "No thank you" and put the phone down? Politeness costs nothing and some of these poor s***s are probably just trying to make ends meet

[elsiegee40]

I can’t be bothered with them.

 

The last “Hello, I’m from Microsoft... “ call I received got a very short “No you’re not” response and I put the phone down.

@witch the person who is calling is attempting to steal from me. I see no reason to feel sorry for them no matter how destitute they are.

[JJonas]

I had a conversation with a double glazing telemarketer in the early 90's that went something like this...

 

Telmarketer: Hello Sir, Can I interest you in double glazing?

 

Me: No, we are not allowed double glazing.

 

T: You are not allowed double glazing?

 

M: We live in a reinforced concrete bunker

 

T: It says here your home is a bungalow

 

M: No that's a typo. We get this all the time, it should say bunker. We bought it recently after they started decommissioning the nukes. We are not allowed to put in windows in case it all kicks off again.

 

T: Oh I see, good day to you Sir. *click*

 

 

I had him really confused as I delivered it completely dead-pan and he couldn't tell if I was serious or making it up.

[dcwhitworth]

I know it is fun to bait these people, but why not just say "No thank you" and put the phone down? Politeness costs nothing and some of these poor s***s are probably just trying to make ends meet

 

I agree, certainly up to a point. I certainly have sympathy with those who have to take such carpy jobs and are probably working in sweatshop conditions with hard targets and intolerant management, but those who attempt deception receive no sympathy.

 

Also their scripts will be crafted to avoid giving you a situation where you can say no thank you and not appear impolite.

[Rob_D]

@elsiegee40 & @witch

Consider the difference between cold call sellers (real people doing a crappy job, probably under crappy conditions), and comen type spam callers, who are all apparently "Dave from Microsoft".

[witch]

@elsiegee40 & @witch

Consider the difference between cold call sellers (real people doing a crappy job, probably under crappy conditions), and comen type spam callers, who are all apparently "Dave from Microsoft".

 

That is what I should have said. The ones that are scams, such as the mock Microsoft ones, yes, by all means put the phone down (even then, that is a lot politer than some). But the ones who are just trying to do a job? It doesnt hurt anyone just to be kind, does it?

[elsiegee40]

@elsiegee40 & @witch

Consider the difference between cold call sellers (real people doing a crappy job, probably under crappy conditions), and comen type spam callers, who are all apparently "Dave from Microsoft".

 

I hope I have. The ones trying to steal from me deserve no sympathy.

 

The double glazing, accident claims, etc get the “Absolutely not” reply and the phone put down on them... or a request to remove my details from the database.

 

I have only ever strung one of these sales calls along - a double glazing firm that wouldn’t take no for an answer circa 1990 when we lived in a double glazed first floor flat. I took to answering the phone, realising who it was and then leaving the phone off the hook and going to do something else. They’d ring off eventually but, because it was the olden days, I still had the line open. Even booking an appointment about a conservatory quote didn’t stop them (they never turned up) In the end I sent them an invoice for wasting my time and they stopped.

 

These days, with caller display on both landline and mobile, I rarely answer the phone to them. If it’s important they’ll leave a message.

[andyturpie]

My phone does a double ring for an external call. I never answer them, I listen to any voice messages left then promptly delete them after.

[Zoom7000]

"I'm calling about a recent motor vehicle accident?/Have you been involved in an accident recently?"

 

When I get these calls, I usually shock the crap outta them by responding in a highly raised tone of worry... "Was I in an accident? Really?! Oh no... Wait there, I need to call the police!"

 

They then usually hang up on me!

[andyturpie]

When I get these calls, I usually shock the crap outta them by responding in a highly raised tone of worry... "Was I in an accident? Really?! Oh no... Wait there, I need to call the police!"

 

They then usually hang up on me!

 

I've once told them the accident I was in was fatal and asked how they have managed to contact me from beyond the grave? *click buzz........

[AMLinington]

I know it is fun to bait these people, but why not just say "No thank you" and put the phone down? Politeness costs nothing and some of these poor s***s are probably just trying to make ends meet

 

I can’t be bothered with them.

 

The last “Hello, I’m from Microsoft... “ call I received got a very short “No you’re not” response and I put the phone down.

@witch the person who is calling is attempting to steal from me. I see no reason to feel sorry for them no matter how destitute they are.

 

Last time I got one of the 'Microsoft Scammers', I challenged him (as per @witch's comment above) and he launched into a tirade of abuse - calling me an 'Infidel W***e' and threatening to send people to rape me. I tried to hang up, but he kept the line open so the call wouldn't terminate. Every time I tried to call out to my phone company he'd be there on the other end laughing and saying foul, abusive things. In the end I unplugged the phones from the wall and called my phone company from my mobile phone. I was in the middle of a bad episode with my depression and anxiety and I was an absolute wreck. I was shaking and retching. The things he said - how he wanted to slit my throat, how they knew where I lived and how I deserved to be raped, how he was going to call me every hour, on the hour, all night. I called the police, but because it came from 'abroad' there was nothing they could do. My phone company immediately shut down our phone line and changed our number, but that didn't change the effect this had on me. So I'm afraid I have very little patience for dealing with ANY kind of unsolicited calls. Even now, none of my phones accept calls from withheld or 'Out of Area' numbers which has caused problems - especially with interviews when recruitment companies call from a withheld number.

 

So I find the default 'You have the wrong number' followed by me ending the call is the 'path of least resistance' so to speak.

 

@elsiegee40 & @witch

Consider the difference between cold call sellers (real people doing a crappy job, probably under crappy conditions), and comen type spam callers, who are all apparently "Dave from Microsoft".

 

I hope I have. The ones trying to steal from me deserve no sympathy.

 

The double glazing, accident claims, etc get the “Absolutely not” reply and the phone put down on them... or a request to remove my details from the database.

 

I have only ever strung one of these sales calls along - a double glazing firm that wouldn’t take no for an answer circa 1990 when we lived in a double glazed first floor flat. I took to answering the phone, realising who it was and then leaving the phone off the hook and going to do something else. They’d ring off eventually but, because it was the olden days, I still had the line open. Even booking an appointment about a conservatory quote didn’t stop them (they never turned up) In the end I sent them an invoice for wasting my time and they stopped.

 

These days, with caller display on both landline and mobile, I rarely answer the phone to them. If it’s important they’ll leave a message.

 

When I was a teenager, my parents had a massive problem with a double glazing company - 'Bow-water Zenith' (this was around the early 90's too so it was probably the same company as you) - they'd get 3 or 4 calls a NIGHT sometimes at stupid times like 1am. In the end my parents had to get a Solicitor involved (this was in the days before TPS and all that Jazz). These people would phone my parents at 1am and refuse to take no for an answer. They were aggressive and harassing. Sure, they are probably desperate people working a horrible job, but they CHOSE to treat my parents that way. I have no sympathy.

 

In this day and age of easy access to resources, search engines and phone numbers, it seems almost obsolete to me to be cold calling people.

[elsiegee40]

When I was a teenager, my parents had a massive problem with a double glazing company - 'Bow-water Zenith' (this was around the early 90's too so it was probably the same company as you) -

I couldn’t remember, but now you mention it I am pretty sure you’re correct