[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

 

[HarryMonkey]

[6Foot2]

“Dad, there’s a man at the door with a bill.”

 

“Don’t be silly. It's probably a duck wearing a hat.”

[6Foot2]

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

I'm going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life, and I'll call it my oughtabiography.

[6Foot2]

Link: https://bsky.app/profile/ofalafel.bsky.social/post/3luf63ryauk2k

 

 

[6Foot2]

If two pharaohs break wind at the same time, do they then have a toot in common?

[HarryMonkey]

[6Foot2]

Monday - Greg

Tuesday - Ian

Wednesday - Greg

Thursday - Ian

Friday - Greg

Saturday - Ian

Sunday - Greg

 

^ The Gregorian calendar.

[6Foot2]

9 out of 10 zoo dentists refuse to work on a grizzly unless it has been given a strong anesthetic.

 

There's safety in numb bears.

[6Foot2]

[smurfomatic]

[6Foot2]

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

 

Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers.

 

               - Vernon Kay, Radio 2 today.

[6Foot2]

I had planned to take my sheepdog to the cinema tomorrow, but I was told I couldn't because it was a 'ban collie' day.

 

              - Tony Blackburn, Radio 2 today.

[6Foot2]

 

[HarryMonkey]

What do you do for a living?

I'm a spy.

Why are you dressed like a shepherd?

I'm a shepherd spy

[6Foot2]

[Actually MIL joke] My MIL calls the new Bon Jovi song "The Potato Song"

 

 

😃

[6Foot2]

Most puns make me feel numb.

 

Maths puns make me feel number.

[6Foot2]

A man has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.

 

He said he went from Barking to Tooting in about an hour.

[HarryMonkey]

They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic but so far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!

[6Foot2]

[6Foot2]

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

Whenever I cook with wheat, barley, or rice, my wife gets terrible headaches.

 

Turns out she suffers from my grains.