[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[6Foot2]

 

Germinate!

[6Foot2]

Link: Hypericum perforatum - Wikipedia

 

 

Isn't that one of Harry Potter's spells?

 

[6Foot2]

.

[6Foot2]

The longest snakes in Africa are members of an exclusive club - it's mambas only.

 

- Bradley Walsh, The Chase (2021)

[6Foot2]

Link:

 

[6Foot2]

I have just been watching the Italian version of bread. It's the same as the UK version, but the theme tune is focaccia.

 

- Shaun Keavney, BBC Radio 2 (via a listener of his show)

 

Edit: Another:

 

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a giraffe. I didn't win a prize, but I still left with my head held high.

Edited March 16, 2025 by 6Foot2

[HarryMonkey]

My partner and I have decided that we don't want children. It hasn't been an easy decision.

 

We're going to tell them tonight.

[6Foot2]

To proceed, please press...

 

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

I wanted to start a baby food company, but I was told I had to complete a rusk assessment.

 

               - Tony Blackburn, Radio 2 this evening.

[6Foot2]

What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?

A sock takes five toes, while a camera takes photos.

 

               - Vernon Kay, Radio 2 today (via a listener.)

[6Foot2]

How do you make the number one disappear?

 

Add a "g" and it's gone; add an "n" and then there are none.

 

Or add a "d" and it's done.

 

 

[6Foot2]

My wife told me I can be a complete idiot sometimes.

 

It’s nice to get permission from time to time.

[6Foot2]

On 17/03/2025 at 08:49, HarryMonkey said:

My partner and I have decided that we don't want children. It hasn't been an easy decision.

 

We're going to tell them tonight.

 

But wait! You have options...

 

[6Foot2]

What did one plate say to the other?

 

Dinner's on me!

 

                - Rob Beckett, Last One Laughing

[HarryMonkey]

Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says "Is this whiskey?". Elmer says "Yeth, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!!".

[6Foot2]

Tragedy!

[6Foot2]

Avoid drinking water while studying because chemistry indicates that adding water reduces concentration.

[6Foot2]

If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?

[6Foot2]

On 17/03/2025 at 08:49, HarryMonkey said:

My partner and I have decided that we don't want children. It hasn't been an easy decision.

 

We're going to tell them tonight.

 

I decided to "have the snip" because I didn't want kids, but when I got home they were still there.

 

               - Bob Mortimer, Last One Laughing

[6Foot2]

 

 

[6Foot2]

I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head.

 

It's a loaf hat diet I'm trying.

 

               - Tony Blackburn, Radio 2, this evening.

[6Foot2]

Someone said that my face resembled the back of a boat.

 

I didn't reply; I just gave them a stern look.

 

               - Tony Blackburn, Radio 2, today.

[HarryMonkey]

[6Foot2]