EduGeek Christmas 2007 Competition

[SpuffMonkey]

Well - here's my go...

 

God rest ye merry IT techs, let nothing you dismay

For Edugeek, our saviour, is coming down your way,

To save us all from IT woes, when PCs go astray,

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

When policies aren’t working and SLA’s awry,

The telephone is ringing, your Blackberry’s on fire,

We call on Geoff to comfort us when our network’s in a mire,

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

Another call from admin girls, their printer is all jammed,

And into narrow spaces the IT techie’s crammed.

The IT teacher’s nervous and wants to hold our hand.

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

With Dos_Box, Russ_Dev, Grumbledook, the lads are always there

To ease our pain and suffering, when we’re pulling out our hair

We’ll share our woes together as we’re carried into “care”

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

A Merry Christmas to you all.

[elsiegee40]

A late entry:

 

Hark the Network Tech is King!

School IT is challenging.

Peace in Suite for a while;

I’ve blocked logon for THAT child!

Joyless teachers rage and shout;

Printing budgets have run out.

Hark the Network Tech is King,

SMT can just go swing.

 

Server room is cramped and hot

“What’s my password? I’ve forgot.”

SIMS update failed again

Edugeek helps take the strain

All the mouse balls have been nicked

Stop nasties on memory sticks

Hark the Network Tech is King!

School IT is challenging!

[gwendes]

Yeah you can't beat a real world Aga, a real proper cooker. Mine even has an RJ45 connection on it

 

No. It. Hasn't.

 

That's a blatent lie.

[webman]

RJ45? Mine's wifi

[K.C.Leblanc]

Oh yes, all the time. What's the point of having 2 electrical things to do the same sort of thing when one will do albeit with compromises?

 

I've got an Indesit Waher Dryer. What cycle should I use on my Argos crockery and star wars mugs?

[webman]

According to page 14 of the manual it should be on the HyperSpin™ cycle with Whirlwind technology at 40°c only

[beeswax]

I've got an Indesit Waher Dryer. What cycle should I use on my Argos crockery and star wars mugs?

 

As with people who own Ferraris and other expensive baubles and don't put them through a machine wash for fear of spoiling the paintwork, if your Star Wars mugs are valuable to you then hand wash is the only way.

[mac_shinobi]

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

 

Nine-tenths of a gig,

Biggest ever seen,

God, this program's big--

MS Word 15!

Comes on ten CDs,

And requires--damn!

Word is fine, but jeez--

60 megs of RAM?!

 

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,

Bloatware all the way!

I've sat here installing Word

Since breakfast yesterday!

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,

Moderation, please.

Guess you hadn't noticed:

Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!

[witch]

The 12 Probs of Christmas

 

For the first prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

See if they can do it again

 

For the second prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the third prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the fourth prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the fifth prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Try System Restore.......

 

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the sixth prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the seventh prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Reinstall the program

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the eighth Prob of Christmas my NM said to me:

Call the software help line

Reinstall the program

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the ninth prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Blame it on the memory

Call the software help line

Reinstall the program

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the tenth prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Try and get around it

Blame it on the memory

Call the software help line

Reinstall the program

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the eleventh prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

Tell 'em its the hardware

Try and get around it

Blame it on the memory

Call the software help line

Reinstall the program

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again

 

For the twelfth prob of Christmas, my NM said to me:

NO bl**dy idea!

Tell 'em its the hardware

Try and get around it

Blame it on the memory

Call the software help line

Reinstall the program

Sort out all the updates

Try System Restore

Switch it off and on

Try to reproduce it

Ask them how they did it and

See if they can do it again!

 

 

(probably shouldn't be in the contest as I based it on one I found - but I thought it was fun anyway)

[gwendes]

that's the best so far WITCH

[tech_guy]

Have you ever tried poaching fish in your dishwasher? You wrap it in silver foil with whatever garnish/marinade, etc you want. I tried it once and it tasted disgusting. Perhaps I wasn't supposed to do a wash cycle at the same time?

 

:-)

[contink]

Now quite what we needed and I haven't the time to finish it but here's something I started writing for a bit of light entertainment...

 

As the server went crashing with a new Winupdate

All thoughts of glad tidings went poof at a rate

 

The techies all sobbed as the budget was bare

while their manager sat pulling out bits of his hair

 

 

The teachers all ranted as amazon went dead

No more online shopping, but teaching instead

The techies sat quietly observing this scene

Absorbing abuse and some threats quite obscene

When all of sudden an idea began growing

and a techie sat back as his pulse started slowing

As if in a daze he grabbed a spare phone

Lifted the handset and prayed for a tone

The teachers caught sight of the glowering man

Prompting swift exit and departures for home

 

At last he had peace and some space for his task

So he grabbed a quick belt from his little hip flask

The microsoft engineer listened with sorrow

And said he'd be calling him back by tomorrow

But knowing this tactic the techie held firm

"Your life will be forfeit, you scumsucking worm

If you don't want me calling to speak to your boss

Get down here you fool I'm really quite cross"

The phone it went silent at MS HQ

The brain cell was buzzing bout what they could do

 

....

 

Feel free to complete

[thegrassisgreener]

BAND AID - at least i tried lol (sing to the tune of band aid)

 

It's Backup time, There's no need to be afraid

at backup time we run the batch files

 

and in our school of pleanty, we can spread viruses of joy

shut your machines down for me, it's backup time

 

Run the scheules

Pray for the Updates

at backup time, it hard but when your having fun

there's apple outside your windows

and it's a world of dreaded fear

where the only commande running are ctrl-alt and delete

and the mouse click are clicking, on shiney mighty mouse

 

well tonight thank god it's apple, instead of you

[TheFopp]

To the tune of We Three Kings:

 

 

Computers in Schools

what mayhem they give

We IT Technicians

are caught in the midst

Of teachers who can't

use Word or Excel

or the students who try to hack in.

 

Ohhhh

 

Filter of calm

please delight

by stopping the porn getting in tonight.

No virii in my emails,

No trojans or worms,

Keep nasty files out of sight.

 

Blue screens of death

are real pests

especially when doing

the KS3 tests.

The problems obscure

and the only cure

is to log the kids in as guests.

 

Ohhhh

 

Filter of calm

please delight

by stopping the porn getting in tonight.

No virii in my emails,

No trojans or worms,

Keep nasty files out of sight.

 

SQL has died

so SIMS is no more

MOODLE has faltered

and there's a knock on the door.

Its the Deputy Head

So stressed and red

'Cos his inkjets leaked all over the floor.

 

Ohhhh

 

Filter of calm

please delight

by stopping the porn getting in tonight.

No virii in my emails,

No trojans or worms,

Keep nasty files out of sight.

[Guest kerrymoralee9280]

BAND AID - at least i tried lol (sing to the tune of band aid)

 

It's Backup time, There's no need to be afraid

at backup time we run the batch files

 

and in our school of pleanty, we can spread viruses of joy

shut your machines down for me, it's backup time

 

Run the scheules

Pray for the Updates

at backup time, it hard but when your having fun

there's apple outside your windows

and it's a world of dreaded fear

where the only commande running are ctrl-alt and delete

and the mouse click are clicking, on shiney mighty mouse

 

well tonight thank god it's apple, instead of you

 

Nice try, but I struggled to understand any of that (is it just me?)

 

I think WITCH is winning so far!

[ICT_GUY]

Quick and dirty, to the tune of once in roal davids city, sort of.

 

Once in the server room,

Stood a lowly computer we assume,

Where a Technician laid his dell server,

In a rack to entomb:

Software that was so bland and mild,

Jesus Christ, its uncompiled.

 

He came down to install,

The network admin and Lord of all,

And His shelter was a desk,

Looking at girls who were burlesque :

With the poor, and mean, and lowly,

Lived on caffeine our engineer so weary.

 

For He is our network guardian;

Day by day, like us, He grew so drunken;

He was embittered, down trodden, and vindictive,

Tears and smiles, He managed to be so furtive.

And He cares when we are watching you tube,

As long as it is free of the dreaded boob..

 

And our eyes at last shall see Him,

Through His own cheap Webcam;

For that admin, so unhappy and overloaded,

Health and safety always flouted:

And He leads The children on,

To the place where the back up has gone.

 

And Finally it does install,

But omg it does appall.

For that Damn software, so bad and poor,

Is up and running, praise to our savior:

And He leaves to go on his way,

All problems complete for another day.

[GrumbleDook]

Keep them coming folks ... not long to go!

[witch]

No I'm not winning as I did say that I had based it on one I found on the web.

I'm sure everyone else made theirs up from scratch, and I think they are all brilliant - if a little obscure in places! I like TheFopps, mainly for his use of the word 'virii'

[MkII]

inspired by thegrassisgreener ( great job mate ):

 

[ i'm a mod so this isn't an entry of course ]

 

It's upgrade time, and there's no need to be afraid

At upgrade time, SIMS never works, that's how it's made

 

And in our world of uncertainty,

we can spread a smile of joy.

No registers to take, it's upgrade time!

 

Just say a prayer, pray for the other ones

Techies are there, pulling out their hair, wondering what Capita have done

It costs the world to buy this software, why does it have to cause such pain?!

Well tonight thank god it's them, instead of you

 

You can bet our budget will be cut next April time,

The greatest joy we'll get this year is less to spend.

Capita, bank balance growing,

and development so slow

Do you know it's upgrade time at all!?

 

Here's to us - watching while this upgrade runs

Here's to them - Capita with all our funds

Do they know it's upgrade time at all!?

 

No there won't be sleep tonight inside the techies room.

If they could, they'd get out of there, and get a life

There's a world outside their window

It's a world without Capita pain

Do they know it's upgrade time at all..

[riedquat]

(to the tune of Fairytale of New York)

 

It was Christmas Eve again,

In the office,

Working late again, updates to do.

And then the call came in,

A deputy on the phone,

And as I took the call,

I knew I’d never get home.

 

I’m such an unlucky one,

Five minutes and I’d have been gone,

I’ve got a feeling,

This might be bad.

Can’t get his email,

His files are missing,

And SIMS is on the blink,

I know I’m going to end up mad.

 

The server was down,

And try as I might,

The drive wouldn’t spin up,

LED’s all alight.

I opened the RAID cage,

Pray what did I see?

Two small yellow warning lights,

Blinking at me.

 

They were dead,

I was certain,

Data gone for a burton,

All the records and emails,

Forever no more.

With the phone still a ringing,

The hard drives I was slinging,

Backup tapes from the corner,

In dusty old drawer.

 

And the restore is now in its second hour

But there’s still no end in sight.

And I know it’s going to be,

A long long night.

 

Pray to God

It’s not Junk

Or the tape hasn’t shrunk

Or my life’s not worth living, come tomorrow at dawn

I yell and I curse,

It couldn’t be any worse,

All the tapes are unlabled

And the throughput is poor.

 

And the restore is now in its third hour

But there’s still no end in sight.

And I know it’s going to be,

A long long night.

 

Instead of being at home,

I’m stuck beside the phone,

Trying to calm the foam,

Of user anger.

But now the end is near,

It’s time to give a cheer,

I’m finally leaving here,

On Christmas Eve

 

And the restore is now in its final hour

And there’s an end in sight.

And I knew it was going to be,

A long long night.

[thegrassisgreener]

Well - here's my go...

 

God rest ye merry IT techs, let nothing you dismay

For Edugeek, our saviour, is coming down your way,

To save us all from IT woes, when PCs go astray,

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

When policies aren’t working and SLA’s awry,

The telephone is ringing, your Blackberry’s on fire,

We call on Geoff to comfort us when our network’s in a mire,

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

Another call from admin girls, their printer is all jammed,

And into narrow spaces the IT techie’s crammed.

The IT teacher’s nervous and wants to hold our hand.

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

With Dos_Box, Russ_Dev, Grumbledook, the lads are always there

To ease our pain and suffering, when we’re pulling out our hair

We’ll share our woes together as we’re carried into “care”

Oh tidings of comfort & joy, comfort & joy, oh tidings of comfort & joy.

 

A Merry Christmas to you all.

 

This to WIN for ME......... mine second lol

[Edu-IT]

This took me a little longer to create than I intended but never mind. What I didn't get done tonight will have to wait.

 

Do they know it's Christmas?

 

It's Friday afternoon

And I'm about to head on home

The day has been manic, problems ranging from logins to printers

But never fear it's Friday, I've got the weekend to relax

Oh if only IT was simple, I wouldn't be stressed!

 

It's not all that bad,

 

I've got EduGeek helping me out again

I don't know what it is, children always manage to break the most simplest of things

It's no suprise that I don't get to drink my tea

I'm always running from one room to another

Fixing printers and sorting software

I've got a real headache but thats no suprise

I just hope that they don't break it again

Otherwise I'll not be happy

I want to go home tonight early but that is unlikely

 

I really want to go home and sleep right now please oh please

But there is little chance of that while the phone is on

(Oooh) I need to forget about work, but it's so difficult to do

I'm an IT techie not a miracle worker

 

I fix printers and resolve the slow log on

I update the software and install the patches

Do they know I'm a stressed IT technician?

 

Please don't interrupt me

I'm updating Sophos right now

Please don't break that floppy drive

Can you go and fix this mouse right now?

I could do but I'm a little occupied

Can you email me instead?

Please don't walk into this room

When the message says no entry

If you call me later on this afternoon

I will come and unjam the paper

Might even put in some more paper

I'm on a mission so please don't stop me

It's not exactly convenient

I don't care how important your pen drive is

[maniac]

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

 

Nine-tenths of a gig,

Biggest ever seen,

God, this program's big--

MS Word 15!

Comes on ten CDs,

And requires--damn!

Word is fine, but jeez--

60 megs of RAM?!

 

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,

Bloatware all the way!

I've sat here installing Word

Since breakfast yesterday!

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,

Moderation, please.

Guess you hadn't noticed:

Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!

 

That is ripped from elsewhere, I heard that years ago (and I mean years!!)

 

You've been rumbled!

 

Mike.

[maniac]

A late entry:

 

Hark the Network Tech is King!

School IT is challenging.

Peace in Suite for a while;

I’ve blocked logon for THAT child!

Joyless teachers rage and shout;

Printing budgets have run out.

Hark the Network Tech is King,

SMT can just go swing.

 

Server room is cramped and hot

“What’s my password? I’ve forgot.”

SIMS update failed again

Edugeek helps take the strain

All the mouse balls have been nicked

Stop nasties on memory sticks

Hark the Network Tech is King!

School IT is challenging!

 

That is brillient, just had to highlight it even though it was 2 pages ago

 

(only just read this thread again, e-mail updates don't seem to be working for it!)

 

Mike.

[mac_shinobi]

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

 

Nine-tenths of a gig,

Biggest ever seen,

God, this program's big--

MS Word 15!

Comes on ten CDs,

And requires--damn!

Word is fine, but jeez--

60 megs of RAM?!

 

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,

Bloatware all the way!

I've sat here installing Word

Since breakfast yesterday!

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,

Moderation, please.

Guess you hadn't noticed:

Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!

 

That is ripped from elsewhere, I heard that years ago (and I mean years!!)

 

You've been rumbled!

 

Mike.

 

sorry forgot to mention it was from this site :

 

http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/ccc.htm

 

Just thought it was funny as reminded me of vista and what a memory hog windows is and about the memory leaks windows has.