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Posted

"And now, Bond - with the press of this button I shall"... *Click*......

 

*Click*...... *Click*...... "err"....

 

*Click*, *Click*, *Click*.....

 

"Keviiiiiiin?"

 

 

 

Note: Not all support engineers that work for evil overlord types are called 'Kevin'

Posted

"Wait a minute. You aren't seriously suggesting that if I get through the wire... and case everything out there... and don't get picked up... to turn myself in and get thrown back in the cooler for a couple of months so you can get the information you need?"

 

Yes.... the broadband connection has gone down again..... its the only way!

Posted
"You know, I think there may be a glitch in the system somewhere"

 

"And why would that be?"

 

"Well, I set that bomb to go off about 20mins ago....Now, I gave it a 10 minute fuse, and put the countdown on your PC screen...see it?...Yep, just there! Right, so we've been chatting for a couple of minutes now, and the countdown has still only got to 8:58 and counting"

 

"Is this because of the rip in the space\time continuum?"

 

On a similar note:

 

"Right, you see, you need to give me the money or else the bomb will go off .."

"How long do we have.."

"According to the Microsoft timer I installed .. 32 min.. 43mi.. 57m.. 48hours .. 10mins .."

 

or

 

"I want to make contact with the person who has made this threats *dials* hello this is Officer *call cuts tone* DAMN IT ..*

Steve Jobs "no no, you're holding your iPhone wrong"

Posted
"I just have time to phone in the location of the bomb to HQ.... argh no reception!"

 

"Mmm you have to hold the iPhone like this sir"

 

 

 

Damn it .. beaten to the punchline .. lol ..

Posted

Robin: Hey Hey Batman... check it out check it out. I'm drinking a pint of beer on my iPhone.. who needs a utility belt now!

 

Batman: :doh:

Posted

Transformers...

 

Captain Witwicky was commissioned to a mental hospital, after he discovered a giant robotic man under the ice.

 

He kept muttering something about fatal error with navigation systems, and talking gibberish in hex code.

Posted

Jean-Luc Picard (whilst under attack): Mr Data : Warp 9 Engage

Data: Captain, I must first reboot the warp engines due to a recently installed update.. Shutting down Warp Core.. installing update 1 of 30... 1% completed.. 2%.. Complete...

Picard: Merde...

  • Thanks 2
Posted

'Hello M, Bond here. I've landed in Bermuda, picked up the case with the $500,000 in we needed to buy back the stolen files, just one problem.'

 

'What is it 007?'

 

That money will just about cover the phone roaming charges. I think we're going to need another $500,000!'

Posted

This should so have a NSFW designation... I'm sitting in the IT lab with tears pouring down my face and the only good news is that it's sports day and the kids aren't here to wonder what on earth I'm trying not to laugh at.

 

 

But to return to the thread...

 

 

Evil Despot: I just have to press one key and your whole identify will disappear forever..

Hero: Go ahead

Evil Despot: *presses key*

 

Screen: Are you sure you want to delete that file

ED: *presses Y*

Screen: "System file: Deleting this file could risk system stability... "

 

 

...

Posted
Evil Despot: I just have to press one key and your whole identify will disappear forever..

 

Hero: Go ahead. I'm on facebook.

Evil Despot: Curses!

Posted
Spock: "Cap'n, it seems HP have bought out our warp drive manufacturers and released new drivers. Trouble is, they're 400MiB and we only have a microwave link back to base..."
Posted

"Sending the video file on the terrorists now."

"Damn!"

"What's wrong?"

"You've encoded it in Flash, and this government organisation uses iPads for field opps."

"Noooooooooooooooooo!"

Posted

Dear Obi Wan

 

I'm bored of all this fighting, I hoped we could put this behind us and be friends.

To show you I mean this, I've attached a really cute picture of a cat to this email, I hope you enjoy.

 

Yours,

Darth x

 

Attachment: Kitten.exe

  • Thanks 1
Posted
The war with the machines was won after it was reviled that Skynet was based on Windows XP, and it hadn't installed any security updates.
Posted

Little-Miss: So NQTs, that's how the computers work. Any questions?

 

NQT: What do we do if we need help?

 

Little-Miss: Just whistle. You know how to whistle don't you? Just put your lips together and blow.

Posted

Another Star Trek one...

 

Borg Collective: We are the Borg.. Resistance is Futile...

Data: Captain, I have an idea... Give me a copy of Windows Vista... It should then attempt to install itself and consume all their resources long enough for us to escape..

Posted

The most glaringly obvious one from Independance Day...

 

Jeff Goldblum - "Right I'm gonna need about 2 years to reverse engineer the binary code of the motherships mainframe, and then about 18 months to get a good understanding of their OS. I recon I can upload a virus in about 4 years...."

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