elsiegee40 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 *sigh* I just want to speak to her and try to sort it out like civilised people! She probably does too, but is terrified of your reaction. That's where you have to get a third party like Relate involved so that you can talk in neutral territory with someone to act as go-between. That way you can each vent your frustrations and hopefully come up with a solution that will work for all 4 of you (I'm including the children in this)
witch Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 *sigh* I just want to speak to her and try to sort it out like civilised people! In the fullness of time this may well happen, but she is probably even more confused than you and doesnt know which way to turn...a few days break, painful though they will be for you, may be what is needed
tumbleweed Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Don't stick together for the kids - my parents did, it wasn't a happy place - to say the least. She's dead now, he's alone & unwell and we struggle to have much sympathy for him. I've been left struggling with relationships, currently on anti-depressants, and now my partner, step-daughter & son are moving out. But, I've just done an excellent short course on depression, and can see a brighter future - surely part-time access to a happy child isn't that bad an outcome ! Don't EVER top yourself - any child would prefer 2 parents who happen to live apart, than a dead dad and a miserable mum. BUT, if you ever got to that stage - don't involve innocent strangers, that just spreads the trauma - I know people who pick up the bits off the M6 & railway! Woo, that was a bit heavy - but shows we all have stuff to deal with. Hometime. Go see if you can spot Mars & Saturn in the sky tonight ...
Rydra Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 nephilim: I live in the Dunstable/Luton area, which if I'm right isn't too far from you. Fancy meeting up for a beer, get you out one night this week? I'll be going to MK at the weekend with my wife; Collectormania is on, and a few movies I wouldn't mind seeing in the cinema if you live further afield than I realised... But I feel for ya. Relationships are a bitch when they don't run smoothly. Drop me a PM if your up to it!
featured_spectre Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 That sounds nice, I am in the houghton regis area of dunstable. I went out with the Sister in law yesterday and had a good laugh, was nice to relax and not have to worry about anything! I think for the next couple of days though, i'll spend time with my daughter.
featured_spectre Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 Righty, an update. 2 days of talking and we have agreed to split up and part ways, however our primary concern is our daughter so we are doing what is best for her, we have also agreed on access for our daughter Grace (and we are both going to the lawyers to have it set in stone as it were). We shall be letting our family know what's what on Sunday once everything between us is sorted (IE Possessions, finances etc). I shall be moving back to my mums at some point next week. I would like to thank EVERYONE on this forum for your support during this time!
jamesreedersmith Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 thoughts with you mate and all will work out for the best. Not nice to hear but " it was just not meant to be" and "your daughter will love you like the world for all her life". Take it easy J 1
witch Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Thoughts definitely with you, nephilim. Glad you are getting it sorted out legally - a friend of mine separated when his daughter was 2 and he saw her for half of EVERY weekend (don't be fobbed off with every other if you are local to your daughter).I watched him over the years (his daughter is now 16) and he has had far more quality time with her than my partner has with our daughter, even though we are happily married and living together. So it can work out well. The important thing is to just live a normal life with her, not make the weekends full of lots of treats, but just doing normal things like shopping, walking, playing and the like. She will just want to be with her daddy - she really won't need expensive things, just you! We are still all here if you need us Stay strong 1
Edu-IT Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Can't really offer you any advice but thoughts are with you mate! 1
featured_spectre Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 I would rather part and be amicable so we can still both have an active role in our daughters life, than part on bad terms and fight for custody and score points off our daughter
danrhodes Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Glad to hear its all getting sorted out nephillim, keep your chin up mate :-) D 1
elsiegee40 Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I am pleased to see that things are getting sorted... and that both you and your (former) partner are managing to put your daughter's needs ahead of your own troubles. Good luck! 1
EduTech Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I am pleased to hear things are getting sorted mate, only just caught this thread but thoughts are with you mate just keep your chin up as others said James. 1
joe90bass Posted May 29, 2010 Posted May 29, 2010 I would rather part and be amicable so we can still both have an active role in our daughters life, than part on bad terms and fight for custody and score points off our daughter Only caught this today. Glad you're getting things sorted and are parting on good terms! All the best 1
vikpaw Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Thoughts definitely with you, nephilim. Glad you are getting it sorted out legally - a friend of mine separated when his daughter was 2 and he saw her for half of EVERY weekend (don't be fobbed off with every other if you are local to your daughter).I watched him over the years (his daughter is now 16) and he has had far more quality time with her than my partner has with our daughter, even though we are happily married and living together. So it can work out well. The important thing is to just live a normal life with her, not make the weekends full of lots of treats, but just doing normal things like shopping, walking, playing and the like. She will just want to be with her daddy - she really won't need expensive things, just you! We are still all here if you need us Stay strong Can't put it better myself, so will just reiterate what witch said. Glad it's starting to sort itself out, like i said before, don't rush, take your time, and do what's right for you and the little one. 1
vikpaw Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 How are you coming along buddy? Family, migraines, move to US(!?)...? Hope you're faring well. 1
featured_spectre Posted June 15, 2010 Author Posted June 15, 2010 Moved back in with my mum, and see my little girl every day for a few hours, and have her overnight on wednesdays and sundays , i am exceptionally happy with that arrangement because i see her more than her mum does (as she works full time). My migraines have eased off since moving out, however I went home ill today with one and slept most of it off (got a light headache now). The move to the US is a pipe dream if I am honest. I have had my greencard for 6 years as I spent 2 years at university out there, and got permanent residency status whilst out there (green card) and have to get it renewed in 4 years. My social life is improving, I am doing my martial arts again (after 3 years of not doing it, because my ex didnt want me doing it as it was too violent - yeah i was under the thumb i admit it now i can look back!), and I have my lady friends back in my life (again after the ex didnt want me seeing or talking to them!). Its nice to be back to my old self with the added bonus of having my daughter! 1
russdev Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 I missed this the first time around but good to here things are going well.. Russ 1
jsnetman Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 All the best on your new arrangement and I do feel for you as I have a baby daughter and would hate to be apart, but up here in whippet land we have a saying "Don't air your dirty washing in public" Yes I can understand you need someone to talk to and close family is not always the best for that but surely this is not the right place.
witch Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 All the best on your new arrangement and I do feel for you as I have a baby daughter and would hate to be apart, but up here in whippet land we have a saying "Don't air your dirty washing in public" Yes I can understand you need someone to talk to and close family is not always the best for that but surely this is not the right place. IMHO You are wrong (see Axe's thread). The point about nephilim's situation is that none of us know who he is (well, a few do) so he can say exactly what he wants without fear of it getting back to the wrong people or misinterpreted. You may not think so, but we see edugeek as more than just a resource, it is a place where friends meet - and sometimes you really need your friends. I would far rather see this sort of thing rather than some of the stuff you see on other forums. He asked for support and advice - and got it. Nothing wrong with that 1
vikpaw Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Good man Glad to hear you're back on your feet and things are looking good. 1
BlackBoxIT Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 sorry to hear about your situation fella, you know where I am 1
pwds Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 I know you have decided to to split and that may well be the best for you, but should you later decide you want to make another go of it or if anyone else is in a similar situation you may want to try What is the course? - The Marriage Course in addition to the excellent services of relate. Although Christian based it is for people of all (or no) faiths and both those who are married or simply in a long term relationship. We only got married six months go but took it to get into good habits in our marriage and hopefully give us the skills to mitigate or even ward off future problems. The course deals with forgiveness, communication, dealing with family, sex (i.e. how to make it great- not to never have any!), meeting each other's needs and love in action. We've learned a lot and have set aside a date night every week just for us (no Edugeek, Facebook or other distractions allowed) and been able to talk about some really useful stuff between ourselves that we otherwise may not have had an opportunity to do. The course is based around a dinner for two each session with a workbook and a DVD, no group work is involved. In case that helps anyone. 1
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