[joke] The Dad Jokes Thread

[HarryMonkey]

To the person who stole my glasses - I will find you! I have contacts!

[HarryMonkey]

An elderly man celebrates his 90th birthday and goes to the doctor for his yearly check-up.

After running a few tests, the doctor smiles and says, “I have to say, for a man of 90, you’re in incredible condition. Honestly, you may be the healthiest man your age I’ve ever examined.”

The old man grins proudly.

“Well, Doc, I owe it all to living right. Clean living, strong faith, and staying close to the Lord.”

The doctor chuckles.

“Oh really? And what makes you so sure of that?”

The old man leans in and says,

“Because every single night when I get up to use the bathroom, the Good Lord turns the bathroom light on for me.”

The doctor blinks.

“You mean… whenever you get up in the night, the light just comes on?”

“Exactly,” the old man says confidently. “Every night without fail.”

A few days later, the man’s wife comes in for her own appointment. The doctor decides to mention it.

“Your husband is doing amazingly well physically,” he says, “but I’m a little worried about something he told me. He claims the Lord turns the bathroom light on for him every night.”

The wife stares at him in disbelief.

“He said WHAT?”

The doctor repeats himself.

She throws her hands in the air and groans, “Well, that explains who has been peeing in the refrigerator!”

[HarryMonkey]

Did you know that Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price and heavier than Alan Price?

I found this out on a Price comparison website.

[HarryMonkey]

Just to round off the term nicely ...

 

To stop ants coming into your house, leave a saucer of milk outside. The adult ants drink it and it has an effect on ant reproduction. The young are born without toes, so they can't climb into your house.

 

This effect is called lack toes in toddler ants.

[6Foot2]

Link: https://www.threads.com/@les.martin.716/post/Dbdc_bNAvtp

 

[6Foot2]

 

[6Foot2]

[6Foot2]

[Jawloms]

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “What’s your blood type?”

 

“I’m probably a type O,” said the rabbit.

[6Foot2]

NOTE: NSFW replies

 

Link: https://www.threads.com/@daughterofmrandmrss/post/DdPO-2hCIdE