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He is real....

russdev

By russdev
in Jokes/Interweb Things

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SimpleSi

SimpleSi

Posted
Posted

Sorry - I just panicked :lol:

 

I've checked out the links and they are OK for the young ones :D

 

Someone once told me the tooth fairy didn't really exist and I've been a bit sensitive since :oops:

 

regards

 

Simon

EduTech

EduTech

Posted
Posted

:o Santa is real .. No way :p

 

This thread is going to prove it to all my mates now lool

 

and theres no tooth fairy either :(

 

Looks like you guys aint getting nothing for christmas :lol:

 

hehe Regards

 

James

elsiegee40

elsiegee40

Posted
Posted

At my school there are 150 experts who know that santa exists... and the tooth fairy... and don't try believeing anything else :)

 

You have to be very careful what you say in primary schools ! :)

tech_guy

tech_guy

Posted
Posted
What!!!!!!! You mean there is no tooth fairy! You'll be telling us that Sooty's not real next - whats the world coming to? :Cry:

 

Sorry, but Sooty is a glove puppet with a man's hand up its arse. I was devastated too when I found out. I mean, Sooty was my childhood hero, man.

webman

webman

Posted
Posted

Oohhh no he isn't!!

 

Is There a Santa Claus?

 

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal, SPY magazine (January, 1990) --- I am pleased to present a scientific inquiry into the existence of Santa Claus.

 

  1. No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
  2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
    • But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau.
    • At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

 

[*]Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical).

  • This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
  • This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to: park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
  • Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
  • This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

 

[*]The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight.

  • On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.
  • We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

 

[*]353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere.

  • The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.
  • The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
  • Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.09 times greater than gravity.
  • A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the backof his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

 

[/list:o]

 

In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

 

:lol:

contink

contink

Posted
Posted

Having worked in primaries for a while now and seeing just how much wonderment can be had from discussions about Santa, flying reindeer and the like I hate to disappoint the apologists but I'm a believer.

 

Fictional or not he's a source of joy, blackmail (ie: "Santa won't visit if you're naughty") and reward that I can't help but like the character and all who play him in some guise or other.

 

So to all you who delight in trying to kill him off, mid life crisis or not, you ain't getting my vote... :p

russdev

russdev

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@webman

 

You forget one simple fact with magic involved anything is possible.

 

Know remove that post as against the rules don't make me edit your posts ;)

 

Russ

chrbb

chrbb

Posted
Posted

I'm old and have only seen Sooty with Harry Corbett!

Now quite concerned about Basil Brush!

 

My whole life is disintegrating in front of my very eyes - ooh hold on that may be the effect of much alcohol last night, I think I may be one of those 30-40 year old people that were in the news this week for not knowing when to stop drinking. :p

tech_guy

tech_guy

Posted
Posted
I'm old and have only seen Sooty with Harry Corbett!

Now quite concerned about Basil Brush!

 

My whole life is disintegrating in front of my very eyes - ooh hold on that may be the effect of much alcohol last night, I think I may be one of those 30-40 year old people that were in the news this week for not knowing when to stop drinking. :p

 

Hell, everyone knows you stop drinking when you pass out.......

GrumbleDook

GrumbleDook

Posted
Posted
Speaking of Sooty... who else thinks GrumbleDook looks like Matthew Corbett? :)

 

I am *not* a light-heavyweight boxer in Australia ... I have yet to go to Australia and it is some time since I have been described as 'light' for anything ...

 

Oh .. you mean a different Matthew Corbett?

 

The one with his hand shoved up a bear's backside all day?

 

Nah ... the beard is too full and he has more hair than me.

 

On a side note, it was sad to hear that Matthew had sold the rights to Sooty (circa 1997) but he had not been able to act as Sooty's 'handler' for some time as he had serious issues with his circulation in his hands (medical name eludes me atm).

 

The Sooty Show is up for sale again as the rating have declined and there is yet to be a partner as successful as Matthew. Matthew has now also reverted back to using his real name of Peter.

GrumbleDook

GrumbleDook

Posted
Posted
Speaking of Sooty... who else thinks GrumbleDook looks like Matthew Corbett? :)

 

I reckon he looks like a weedy version of

 

Bill Goldberg

 

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004966/

 

It is been sometime since I had a body to match Goldberg's ... and my wife complained that is was starting to smell, so i had to take it back to the morgue!

 

Weedy!!!! WEEDY!!!

 

Just you wait till I get my hands on you and *then* I'll show you who is weedy!

 

(also, please note that I have not regularily shaved my head for a number of years. I was forced to shave off my goatie when joining the army for many reasons, including the ability to safely use a respirator ... but at the same time I was banned from shaving my head or having a grade less than a grade 2 ... it was deemed to be too aggressive to have a shaved head!)

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