The Top Ten Edinburgh Fringe Jokes

[tech_guy]

The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:

 

1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

 

2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

 

3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

 

4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

 

5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."

 

6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

 

7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

 

8) Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

 

9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."

 

10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."

 

 

And veteran entertainer Paul Daniels won the wooden spoon for the worst joke of the festival. He won the dubious honour for his gag: "I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'." Groan.

[sparkeh]

2) 7) and 10) stand out for me. The rest didn't really raise a smile.

However, am I alone in thinking that the Paul Daniels joke isn't that bad?

[mrbios]

I thought 9 and 10 were crap and i found the paul daniels one mildly amusing, the others were alright though

[sidewinder]

The vast majority are awful and the whole competition doesn't make any sense to me - a huge amount of the fringe isn't about one liner comedians, and also some of the funniest routines are not going to be one liners.

 

I get the feeling this list is ridiculed by the performers themselves, even the guy that 'won' sounds like he was taking the p1ss from his quote

 

That said, I quite like number 7

[garethEds]

Paul Daniel's joke is the best there.

 

GJE

[kernewek-sam]

The vast majority are awful and the whole competition doesn't make any sense to me - a huge amount of the fringe isn't about one liner comedians, and also some of the funniest routines are not going to be one liners. I get the feeling this list is ridiculed by the performers themselves, even the guy that 'won' sounds like he was taking the p1ss from his quote That said, I quite like number 7

Fair enough the fringe isn't just one liner comedians (BBC3 have been showing some of the other acts), though if I were to pick a one liner comedian as the best I'd pick Stewart Francis.

[jdoyle]

a que for some bad jokes I think.....

 

I got stuck sitting behind some chav teenagers on the bus today. For the whole twenty minute journey, it was "F this", and "F that". Still, I guess they had to compare their exam results sometime.......

 

Q: What do you call a monkey in a Minefield?

A: A Baboom!

 

Early in his career Houdini made frequent use of trap doors in his performances, but it was just a stage he was going through.

 

 

I've been reading and collecting Osteopathy magazine for years. I now have lots of back issues

[fogelsong]

Thanks!