[joke] User Achievements

[SYNACK]

Following on from the Tech/Admin achivements thread I though I would start one with simmilar XBOX type achivements for users and their exploits as recorded on the helpdesk and in person:

 

The Mystery Writer: Complete a fault report without giving any hint as to which computer of many in a room it relates to.

 

Steven King: Write a report so twisted and disconnected from reality that you don’t know what is wrong until five minutes after you have been and fixed it.

 

Time Lord: Use the words; it’ll just take a second five times or more within a month.

 

Mystery Science Theatre: Make up at least two new names for technical ‘thingamees’ and use them in a fault report.

 

Richard Kimble: Elude conversation with technical staff for at least two hours by being ‘too busy‘ to discuss the urgent show stopping fault that you reported.

 

Groundhog Day: Report the same user generated fault at least five times with no indication of learning from it.

 

The Woodsman: Waste at least a ream of paper in a single day by accidentally printing large documents and leaving them where they fall.

 

The Sample Platter: Store at least one example of food from each of the food groups in your laptops keyboard for consumption in case of emergency.

 

The Hoarder: Fill your work provided laptop with personal photos, movies and music.

 

The Electrician: Destroy or lose 3 or more network leads in a month.

 

‘Good’ Samaritan: ‘Donate’ your work provided laptop to your children, grandchildren or friend.

 

Pet Store: Keep more than one external mouse in your laptop bag.

 

Goldfish: Ask the same question three times or more in one day.

 

Happy Gilmour: Test the ‘durability’ of your laptop in an unorthodox fashion that will void the warranty.

 

Blue Lantern: Leave a projector on needlessly so long that it cooks the LCD into an attractive blue shade.

 

Captain Planet: Turn off every computer at the wall to save power and then complain that it won’t work.

 

Magpie: Create a nest of new shiny equipment sourced from all over the site of your own volition.

 

Bliss: Happily ignore wilful destruction of computer components and blame IT for not being proactive.

 

PSA: Carbon copy more than two managers into a fault report email.

 

Slider: Proclaim at least once that this always worked before while neglecting the bit about the parallel universe.

 

Storyteller: Report your IT staff to a line manager when not getting your way.

 

Internet Cafe: Leave your session logged on and unlocked in an open classroom while wandering off to do something else.

 

Time Capsule: Attempt to back up every installable program from the internet onto your laptop for posterity.

 

Tooltime: Install at least three browser toolbars, possibly even the Binford 6100 series search extravagansa bar with real working lights.

 

Please add any more that you think would work.

Edited May 4, 2011 by SYNACK

[MK-2]

Weight Watcher : Interrupt the technicians lunch more than twice in a month with the phrase "I know you're having lunch but..."

 

Belt and Braces : Back up your memory stick to at least 5 separate network areas

 

Bomb Planted : Give no more than 5 minutes prior notice for setting up something

 

Wishing on a : Utter the immortal phrase "You're a star" to someone for helping you with a problem

 

Enigma Machine : Password protect all documents with a password you duly forget

 

Bird is the word : Tell more than 10 people the "network is down" because you cannot access a webpage

 

And another thing... : Save up at least 4 helpdesk problems before submitting all of them within 5 minutes

 

Stoppage Time : Stop a technician leaving for home with an urgent problem that needs sorting

 

Clean getaway : Log a problem on the helpdesk as urgent before getting in your car and heading home for the evening

 

It's got a plug : Ask technical staff a question about a TV or video player

 

Gratis : Bring in your personal laptop for technical staff to fix as soon as possible

 

The final countdown : Remind technical staff it is nearly summer and the holidays beckon

 

And the Oscar goes to... : Successfully feign shock when told technical staff don't get 10+ weeks holiday a year

 

Oh the Humanity! : Successfully survive the first day back after the summer holidays

 

Following orders : When told you must install "XXX Hot Girls Software Web Cam Viewer" before you can visit a webpage, click OK

 

Timewarp : Order software compatible with Windows versions 15 years or older

 

But lover : Refute claims of user error with "but it worked yesterday"

 

Bulletproof : Successfully disable or remove anti virus software from your work laptop

 

Don't feed after midnight : Complain of "Gremlins in the system" after losing a 4 page document you forgot to save

Edited May 4, 2011 by MK-2

[SYNACK]

No other contributions?

[jedmondson]

Great actor: Act Shocked when P2P software is found on your issued laptop.

Cleaver : Damage at least 2 thumb drives by snapping them in half.

Circumference repair : Plug lose CAT 5 cables into any available socket even when its already plugged in.

 

Thats 3 from me.

[CAM]

Bunker: Find a member of staff to reset your passwords in a 4-player co-op game.

 

Aces High: Poke the mesh covered speaker holes through on a shiny custom built computer.

 

Video Star: Hide a YouTube browser tab six times in a row in a single lesson without being detected.

 

In The Money: Top-up your print credits once a day for five days in a row.

 

Giga-what: On a single PowerPoint slide, reach a file size of 1GB or greater.

[X-13]

FOR %%A IN ("This thread") DO > "%StaffArea%/Noticeboard/ICT User Achievments.doc"

[korifugi]

Straight to the Top: Ignore the fact there is a helpdesk and log an issue directly with support staff.

 

Early Bird: Personally inform the technician of an issue as soon as they get on site, before they have taken their coat off.

 

See no Evil: Ignore an important email from the technician 5 times.

 

Hear no Evil: Ignore what a technician is saying while explaining an issue 5 times.

 

Speak no Evil: Refuse to log 5 issues on the basis the technician 'should know already'.

 

Rush Tactics: Send at least half a class to the technician at once for password changes.

 

Respect mah Authoritah!: Demand the admin password so that you can install software onto your laptop at home.

 

Belt and Braces: Make a 'backup' of a folder on the same physical drive.

 

Waste Not, Want not: Ask if you can have your old slow laptop that has just been replaced for home use.

 

Musical Chairs: Move the location of the computer in your office 5 times.

 

 

Thats all I can think of for the moment...

[MK-2]

Paradox : Log a help desk call saying you are having problems logging a helpdesk call

 

Press to continue : Locate the fabled ANY key

 

It burns it burns! : Continually look into the beam of a projector

 

Don't stop me now! : Do not let any technical staff interrupt you with an answer while explaining a convoluted problem

Edited May 5, 2011 by MK-2

[teejay]

Power Up: Member of SLT demands their job is moved to the front of the queue.

[LeightonJames]

Can you Just?: Stop a Technician in the middle of a busy corridor whilst he is carrying what appears to be a very light Laser Printer (why would he carry it if it is heavy?) to ask him if he can just do a job for you!

 

Will you show me how: Loosely translated as I need this doing, do it for me!

[sted]

tree waster: repeatedly click print then realise your network cable wasnt plugged in and receive eleventy thousand copies of the document on every printer in school and for bonus points your home printer that evening

 

mixmaster: turn every volume up to full but have the amp set to the wrong input then deafen the whole room when its put on the right input (marked with red stickers etc)

 

blank screen: push fn f5 /f3/windows key p etc)

 

major trip hazzard: decide that the socket near the smartboard/power etc just isnt right and run cables randomly across the room to some random location bonus if they fail to plug in the interactive lead as the smartboard is 1 lead the usb is for something else

 

chew toy: request a 3rd power supply as the dog ate the last 2

[ICT_GUY]

Power Ranger : Calling a technician out to plug something into the power socket.

[LeightonJames]

Simples: Ask a Technician to come and complete a "simple" job which in actuality takes the Technician a good part of the day to complete.

[SYNACK]

Lots of good additions there

 

Space Cadet: Request more quota space twice in one week for your important blury pictures of... 'something' .

[X-13]

I have 3 pages so far [Landscape, 3 columns]... Got anymore to add before I send-to-all?

[ICT_GUY]

Clairvoyance Predicting what is wrong with the computer and how long it will take to fix while possessing no technical skill.

[Fatmas]

Money Tree: Put in a request for some equipment and expect the IT department to pay for it

World Wide Copy in the entire organisation in an email sent to a specific person.

[fredquimby]

Inspector Gadget: Buy a totally superfluous gadget that doesn’t work with school systems without consulting anyone, because it will 'revolutionize teaching as we know it'.

 

It’s more of a Shelbyville idea: Another school has bought this very expensive system, although we have no use for it we must buy one too.

Edited May 5, 2011 by fredquimby

[Fatmas]

Roadblock: Stop a technician in the corridor

Do You Have Papers?: Request they provide a solution on the spot.

[Fatmas]

Charity Begins at Home: Donate obsolete IT equipment to the school

Greenpeace: Give a box of out of date ink cartridges to the IT department

[Gonk]

Colour Magic: "Borrow" new toner cartridges from another department for your colour printer.

[Fatmas]

Socialite: Request Proxy access to browse Facebook.

Infiltration: Successfully create an account on EduGeek.

Blackout: Trip the power to an IT room using the emergency switch.

The Cold War: Help fuel an 'us vs them' attitude among teaching staff.

[Gonk]

Watch the birdie: Take a digital camera from the ICT dept "to use for an hour or so" and keep it in your filing cabinet for 3 months.

[X-13]

I'm starting to think I should have just linked everyone to this thread...

[LeightonJames]

The Shaggy Award: When asked what happened simply reply "It wasn't me"