A School Network Manager's Song

[Ephelyon]

(A friendly reminder of the original G&S is here - read in tandem if you fancy a headache!)

 

I am the very model of an ICT professional

My duties range from technical to all things managerial

Alas, in spite of all of this I'm viewed as superficial

My protestations swept aside and branded artificial

And yet I'm not disheartened to discover I'm so trivial

I go about my business in a manner quite convivial

Though many would describe my role as simply immaterial

And treat me as they would a piece of effluent posterial

 

I'm very well acquainted with the parallel and serial

I diagnose all problems from the cable to ethereal

In short, in matters technical through all things managerial

I am the very model of an ICT professional

 

I know that those above me will attempt their machinations

I resist them but, alas, it may well lead to my castration

Though when it's not coming from above I'll feel it from below instead

Whichever way I turn I'm sure I'll face another knucklehead

I guarantee our work will draw the criticism of the proles

Although they couldn't grasp the messages we leave in pigeon-holes

Despite our greatest efforts we'll do poorly in opinion polls

Frustrating when respondents have the intellect of sausage rolls

 

Yet always must I stay within the bounds of the congenial

When managing a team whose purpose is to be remedial

In short, in matters technical through all things managerial

I am the very model of an ICT professional

 

I deal too with users on a daily basis, questioning

Decisions I have made, some of the comments don't bear mentioning

I'd love to help you out but I must fix the air conditioning

For if it's got a plug it's left to us to get it functioning

At times I am confronted with the sheerest of banality

Unfailing in my duty to avert the next calamity

Importantly I must maintain a sense of joviality

Or join official stats for jobs with high rates of mortality

 

Yet with clouds on the horizon I may shortly be vestigial

My services discarded in a manner uncollegial

But still, in matters technical through all things managerial

I am the very model of an ICT professional

Edited March 10, 2014 by Ephelyon

[FWBD]

Perfect.

[Ephelyon]

Thanks!

 

I wrote the first four lines a couple of years ago during job evaluation. It was originally "a specialist professional" because that was part of the definition for Level 6 Knowledge that they weren't letting me have. The rest was a weekend time-filler just now.

 

Who wants to sing it?

[hardtailstar]

Who wants to sing it?

 

 

Give me a few days......

[FWBD]

Who wants to sing it?

 

I could just about manage the first few lines of the original one so trying a completely new variant should be fun!

[Ephelyon]

Three-part harmony then? xD

[Bradlys]

Three-part harmony then? xD

If I could sing I would...

[sonofsanta]

Good Lord that's a marvel of verbosity. The rhyming dictionary must have been thoroughly thumbed!

[Dos_Box]

@Ephelyon Can I move this to general chat so the rest of the internet can see it in all its glory?

[Ephelyon]

@Dos_Box: Feel free, I've commented saying I wrote it now so by all means... Edited March 12, 2014 by Ephelyon

[cromertech]

That is a work of pure genius. Did try reading through while listening to the song and it's not the easiest of tasks but I'm contemplating giving it a go

[Bompalompalomp]

I am but a lowly technician, but get me drunk enough and I'll be singing this from the rooftops.

[SpuffMonkey]

So the Edu-choir has its first song to learn! ;-)

[Ephelyon]

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

 

Looks like it could be arranged for SATB! =]

@witch, what do you think?

[Fazza]

Thankfully we have no need for a song like that.

[Ephelyon]

Glad to hear it! =]

 

A lot of it doesn't apply to me here either. It's essentially an aggregate of tales of woe from the past eight years or so of BTRD, which is why I posted it there at first...

[witch]

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

 

Looks like it could be arranged for SATB! =]

@witch, what do you think?

@Ephelyon That is absolutely BRILLIANT!! I have just sung it out loud to mrwITch who loved it too. It certainly could be arranged for SATB - hmmmmmm I don't think a straight harmony would work on a song like that - alternating verses or a hum/ahhh- type background?

[Ephelyon]

I have just sung it out loud to mrwITch who loved it too.

 

That proves it's possible at least!

 

I think maybe a rhythm backing plus alternating verses between voices would be nice... =]

[Dos_Box]

@Dos_Box: Feel free, I've commented saying I wrote it now so by all means...

 

Cheers

Moved to General Chat.

[HarryMonkey]

Absolutely brilliant!

[Pete10141748]

This is fantastic! As the son of a opera-style singer who performs mainly G&S I can't wait to bellow this out to my mother next time I see her

[Garacesh]

I am the very model of a scientist Salarian..

I've studied species: Quarian, Asari and Batarian..

 

@Ephelyon - that was a truly brilliant read!

 

"intellect of sausage rolls", "For if it's got a plug it's left to us to get it functioning".. Definitely gave me quite the laugh here! Good thing my colleagues weren't around at the time.

Edited March 18, 2014 by Garacesh

[Ephelyon]

Thanks to all for the responses And indeed the point of it is to have a good laugh. Clearly there are bits of it that are layered with cynicism and I wouldn't be showing it to any teaching staff... but anyone who's done the job, it seems, will understand...

[witch]

@Ephelyon

 

I've just listened to a few versions of the original and I can see how it might work with different voices but you would definitely need the backing singers as well...I love it

[witch]

@Ephelyon

 

I've just listened to a few versions of the original and I can see how it might work with different voices but you would definitely need the backing singers as well...I love it