tech_guy

No good, they'd try to eat it.

CashConverters are going to do some serious trade....

What's Win 8? What's an app? What's a store? Who am I?

I just largely hate computers now. Okay, just anything with any flavour of Windows on it. PITA having to constantly update this that and the other. Does anyone else feel the same? We're just bug-fixers for Micro$oft...

I can't see Nicholas Witchell naked smearing baby-oil all over himself....

Who's the queen?

And then you can say it was stolen by metal thieves - report it to the police - then hide it on his property and tip off CrimeStoppers?

*JOKE COMMENT* Phone CrimeStoppers anonymously and report him as an Al-Qaeda operative... *JOKE COMMENT*

Does he have a car - may I suggest you borrow it and return it to him like this:

Hi Dave, out of interest do you refurb and sell on or just break down and sell the parts for spares?

After 20+ years of being a volunteer drugs/alcohol counsellor for a local charity I have come to the following conclusions. *The majority of the population are as a whole sensible / law abiding citizens. *There are a small minority that have no common sense - in fact they are completely stupid - and will think nothing of attempting to drive after drinking alcohol way over the legal limit. *The above seems to occur even with sensible / law abiding citizens....

Nope - I had it removed because it was unreasonable in the 21st Century to have this in someone's JD. The teachers don't have it so why should we?

Well, when they get rid of the TAs we'll all be expected to do rubb!$h stuff like this I guess. It's not in my JD so they can go hang.

Tell me about it! I regularly get beaten up over posts on here!

Yeah, pubs in schools why not? The way the government is running this country, most of them will be on the dole and alcoholics by 20 anyway. Seeing as they're sticking a pub on the M40 service station junction 2 let's just go the whole hog and get it over and done with shall we? Now you can get p!$$ed as you drive on the M40 /RANT OVER

Physical and we're using: 0.uk.pool.ntp.org 1.uk.pool.ntp.org 2.uk.pool.ntp.org 3.uk.pool.ntp.org

We have a HP DC that will gain four minutes over a term. It's set to sync with pool.ntp.org so I'm baffled. Any ideas?

-I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now. -When chemists die, they barium. -Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. -How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. -I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. -This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore. -I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down. -I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. -They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. -PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period. -Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. -We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz. -Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? -When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. -Broken pencils are pointless. -I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. -What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. -England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. -I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. -I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. -I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. -Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. -Velcro, what a rip off! -A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. -Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! -The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault. -Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too. -When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. -I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. -Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. -Corduroy pillows are making headlines. -Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? -Sea captains don’t like crew cuts. -A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. -A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour. -Without geometry, life is pointless. -When you dream in colour, it’s a pigment of your imagination. -Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. -A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. -Dijon vu – the same mustard as before. -What’s the definition of a will? (Come on, it’s a dead giveaway!) -A backwards poet writes inverse. -In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes. -With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. -He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key. -Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. -Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures. -What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie. -There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned. -The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, “Did you get my drift?” -Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant’s fingers. -Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there. -When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked “Are you two an item?” -When she told me I was average, she was just being mean. -This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.” -A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces “I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw.” -A termite walks into a bar and says “Is the bar tender here?” -Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says “Hey get out! We don’t want your type in here!”

Thanks for your pms - we will be responding / contacting you shortly to discuss.

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "Yes, I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater." Excited to take the class now, Jim shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?" Jim says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?" "No." "Then you're gay... "

I heard that if you play a Windows 8 install DVD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs Windows 8...

BBC News - Microsoft 'U-turn' sees Start button back on Windows 8

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I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.