laserblazer Posted February 3, 2011 Report Posted February 3, 2011 These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ---------------------------- The sermon this morning: 'Jesus walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' ----------- --------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music to follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice . -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon . -------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday . -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. - ------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church ... Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' 3
EvLPhenom Posted February 3, 2011 Report Posted February 3, 2011 -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church ... Please use large double door at the side entrance. ' Brilliant LOL!!
sonofsanta Posted February 3, 2011 Report Posted February 3, 2011 Made me chuckle quite a bit, which is increasingly rare on the internet now. Cheers!
dayzd Posted February 3, 2011 Report Posted February 3, 2011 A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music to follow. Giggled like a schoolboy at that!
tech_guy Posted February 3, 2011 Report Posted February 3, 2011 Lol, my favourite: "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. "
CHR1S Posted February 4, 2011 Report Posted February 4, 2011 I've had to stop reading them, I cant stop giggling like a fool and the office ladies are giving me funny looks
ZeroHour Posted February 4, 2011 Report Posted February 4, 2011 Lol, my favourite: "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. " Me too, some are very good, rep ++
contink Posted February 4, 2011 Report Posted February 4, 2011 Thank $deity my family have disappeared and I'm on my own... Currently look like my wife after a particularly dramatic episode of "One born every minute"... Classics... absolutely helped lift the mood...
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