[joke] 'Actual' Hospital Chart Entries.

[6Foot2]

Despite the thread prefix this post isn't a joke [or series of jokes] per se. These are supposed to be entries found on hospital charts.

 

Real or not these made me laugh.

 

• The patient refused autopsy.
   
  
• The patient has no previous history of suicides.
   
  
• Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
   
  
• Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
   
  
• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
   
  
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
   
  
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
   
  
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
   
  
• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
   
  
• Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
   
  
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
   
  
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
   
  
• She is numb from her toes down.
   
  
• While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
   
  
• The skin was moist and dry.
   
  
• Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
   
  
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
   
  
• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
   
  
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
   
  
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
   
  
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
   
  
• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
   
  
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
   
  
• Skin: somewhat pall, but present.
   
  
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
   
  
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
   
  
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
   
  
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room·
   
  
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
   
  
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
   
  
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
   
  
• Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
   
  
• The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
   
  
• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

[laserblazer]

•Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized

 

Was this to do with his big top?

[MK-2]

Was this to do with his big top?

 

Dear Google,

 

I am highly disappointed at your search engine. After reading the above comment I entered "circus related penis jokes" and did not get an adequate enough response to allow me to make a funny in this thread. I did however see some images I wish I hadn't!

Sincerely

 

MK2

[Little-Miss]

lmao MK2!!!

 

I was a student nurse for a while, dread to think of the stuff id wrote!

[K.C.Leblanc]

My brother is a medical coder. For anyone who doesn't know what they do, they produce a standardised record of everyone's trip to hospital. He has to deal with this all the time.

[john]

Dear Google,

 

I am highly disappointed at your search engine. After reading the above comment I entered "circus related penis jokes" and did not get an adequate enough response to allow me to make a funny in this thread. I did however see some images I wish I hadn't!

Sincerely

 

MK2

 

Sounds like you need a Smoothwall box that would have solved those issues im sure

 

Some good jokes in this lot