200 Pieces of Advice for Network Managers and Techies

[LosOjos]

Whatever you do, never, EVER say you "don't know what the problem is." Instead, when you really don't know, say something along the lines of "this problem seems to be worse than I first thought, I'm going to need some extra time to solve it", then log in to EduGeek

[ICT_GUY]

Never underestimate the stupidity of your users.

[tmcd35]

Always have atleast three '...for dummies' or 'idiots guide to...' books in public view on a near by shelf.

 

If you ever schedule network down time and are waiting on a progress bar to complete - make sure you have a dummies/idiots book within arms length incase of visitors asking 'how long will the network be down' (no they wouldn't have read the memo).

 

If it's a particularly persistant luser asking when the network will be back up - make sure you are holding the said dummies/idiots book upside down

[buzzard]

When a user says their computer is broken and it's saying "no signal detected", tell them to turn on the metal box under the monitor, that being the computer

[Arcath]

When the internet actually goes down no one will complain

[Domino]

When the internet actually goes down no one will complain

 

.....lies

 

;-)

[sister_annex]

Surely it should be, When the Internet actually goes down - everyone will complain but, telling them that it is a planet wide issue may just help relieve some of the stress!

[Arcath]

.....lies

 

;-)

 

i was talking more about when its a problem with thier PC or a server its a catastrophe but as soon as "its a county wide issue" they say "oh okay, will just have to manage"

[gibbo_ap]

i was talking more about when its a problem with thier PC or a server its a catastrophe but as soon as "its a county wide issue" they say "oh okay, will just have to manage"

 

nah we still get evils

[solitaire89]

nah we still get evils

 

And me...

[tmcd35]

Licensing - it's important, make sure you're up to date and current

 

Licensing - don't ever expect to understand it (nobody does, not even Microsoft)

[danrhodes]

Lol I can just imagine it now!

 

User: My internet is down!

Me: Sorry it seems to be a world wide internet outage.

User: Well can't you fix it, I need to re-new my online vi4g4r4 order, and I probably have spam email waiting to be read!

Me: .........................commence ranting!

[JJonas]

Surely it should be, When the Internet actually goes down - everyone will complain but, telling them that it is a planet wide issue may just help relieve some of the stress!

 

That is my experience of it. Some obscure piece of software or the computers in this classroom have not worked for months and nobody bothers to tell you, but ten seconds after the Internet goes down that's when the phone calls start.

[K.C.Leblanc]

Don't expect teachers to read your emails, at best they'll skim the subject line and then complain to management about something that isn't actualy happening.

[K.C.Leblanc]

Hmmmm, maybe we could set these to Sunscreen by Baz Luhrmann?

 

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of Edugeek, backup everything.

If there is one piece of advice I can give to you it’s to backup everything.

The benefits of backing up have been proven by technicians through the ages

 

Where as the rest of this advice is just your ramblings, I will dispense it now.

 

Remember to turn it off and on again

Oh never mind

Never assume anything, user’s may tell you one thing but mean something else, take time to understand the true meaning of what they say.

 

 

Technology will come and go, but for a few vendors who stay with you forever.

 

Beware of 'Dedicated Education Suppliers' that’s retail industry code for 'We only sell to schools stupid enough to pay our prices'

 

But trust me on the backups.

 

 

80% of the advice other techs give you will be irrelevant or useless

But be patient with the other 20%.

Advice is a form of nostalgia, it’s like taking the past of dust bin, painting over the ugly parts and selling it for more then it’s worth.

 

Maybe you’ll go RM, maybe you won’t

Maybe you’ll get managed wireless, maybe you won’t

[freaky_seb]

No matter what they try and convince you, your new office used to be the toilet the students used as a smoking room...

 

If you failed to backup one file during a laptop restore, blame a hard drive failure.

[ICT_GUY]

Back up the internet onto a floppy disc, this will come in handy.

[LosOjos]

Back up the internet onto a floppy disc, this will come in handy.

 

I've posted this before, but stuff it, I'm posting it again!

 

[FragglePete]

When you do an upgrade to the internet connection. Don't tell anybody, just sit smiling sweetly to yourself that you know it is going faster.

 

If you make a grand annoucement about this upgrade, you will be bombarded with queries that start with; "Since the internet connection was upgraded......"

 

eg. "Since the Internet connection was upgraded, my machine runs a lot slower"

 

Pete

[pete]

No matter how many times you point it out, create elaborate signs about it, bollock them, report them to their line manager for being timewasting lackwits in need of training, or just ignore them and let them quietly self-destruct, no-one uses the help menu, presses F1 or rtfm.